Brogan had gone on to explain how she’d been invited to join her mum and her boyfriend, but would rather spend the day with Wilf and Bert. ‘It would mean Bert would be on his own for Christmas Day, and that would be awful.’ Nick couldn’t argue with that.
Conversation eventually found its way to their previous relationships with him asking why she’d been single for so long.
‘Ah, well…’
Nick listened, his mouth falling open as she went on to explain about her ill-fated relationship with Archie and how he’d broken up with her.
‘He actually said that? He actually told you that you weren’t enough?’
Brogan nodded, feeling tears prickle her eyes at the memory. She blinked them away before they could take hold.
‘No. How could he ever think that? He’s a fool. If I were him, I’d think you were everything,’ he said, his voice soft.
She cast her eyes down as the warmth of a blush rose in her face. ‘Anyway, despite telling me he didn’t want to get married and didn’t want kids, he’s now married to a girl I thought was my friend; she’s now ghosted me.’
‘You’re kidding?’
‘I’m not,’ she said with a rueful laugh. She took a sip of her tea in a bid to hide any hurt that might sneak its way onto her face. ‘Anyway, that’s enough about me. I’m well and truly over him. It took a while, but looking back, I can see we weren’t that well suited. I’m actually grateful he ended things when he did.’ She mustered up a smile. ‘So, how about you? What happened with Loretta, if you don’t mind me asking? She’s very beautiful, by the way.’
Nick heaved a sigh, blowing it out nosily through his lips. ‘Yes, she’s beautiful on the outside, though I’m not so sure she’s as attractive on the inside anymore. She’s barely recognisable from the girl I first met and fell in love with; the one I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. And funnily enough, she ended up ditching me for a mate.’ His eyes met hers. ‘Seems we have more in common than we realised.’
He went on to tell her how Loretta had been spending more and more time “working” late – he put finger quotes around the word – and how she’d become distant and snappy, spending more and more on expensive designer clothes, getting herself “glammed-up”. ‘And then, one evening, when she was out, I got a text from a total stranger, telling me Loretta was cheating on me with her boss – my best mate. She even sent a photo of them kissing, just in case I needed proof.’ He rubbed his hand over his jaw. The flicker of pain that ran across his face hadn’t gone unnoticed by Brogan; her stomach twisted for him. She couldn’t imagine how seeing something like that must have felt.
‘Oh, no! That must’ve been awful, and I’m not sure what I think of the woman who sent the text. I mean, I appreciate you needed to know, but what a horrible way to find out.’ Brogan found herself overcome by an urge to reach out to him, touch his hand, but hard as it was, she resisted.
‘Yeah, it definitely messed with my head that night. Turns out she worked at Aaron’s company; she didn’t get on with Loretta, blamed her for getting a verbal warning from Aaron.’
‘And the photo was a way of getting back at her?’
‘Yep, so it would seem. I know the breakdown of my relationship is more recent than yours, but strangely, I feel I’m at a similar stage you. I can’t deny it didn’t hurt at the time, but now I’m actually relieved it happened. I can see Loretta and me would never have made each other happy; somewhere down the line we’d stopped following the same path, only I hadn’t realised it; had a lot to do with the insane rivalry with her younger sister. Plus she was determined she didn’t want kids; I thought I felt that way too, which maybe I did for a while, but not anymore. I know now I really want a family and I can’t imagine not being a dad.’
They both sat quiet for a while, Nick’s last sentence hanging in the air between them, the metronomic tick of the grandfather clock barely noticeable in the background.
‘How about you? Do you see yourself getting married and having kids?’ he asked, breaking the silence.
Brogan’s usual answer when anyone put this question to her was to say that she enjoyed being single, enjoyed being able to suit herself, but her reply to Nick came out very differently. ‘Yeah, I do actually. I’d love to have someone to talk to about what’s happened in my day, to visit places with, see new things. And, yeah, I’d love to be a mum – and I’d like at least two kids; being an only child has its benefits, but I think it must be nice to have a sibling to play with when you’re growing up.’ Where had this openness come from? she wondered.
‘Well, speaking as a sibling, I can tell you that despite my brother Matt and me having some fairly nasty scraps when we were kids, I’m really glad he was part of my childhood – and not just because I could try to pin the blame on him for my misdemeanours, not that it ever worked.’ He grinned broadly and Brogan couldn’t help but smile back. He’d lightened a conversation that had had the potential to turn a little heavy and looked as though it could venture down a path she hadn’t been quite ready to tread.
They’d talked way longer than they should have done on a work night, all the while shared memories of their first meeting tangible in the air around them. She knew there’d been a couple of times when Nick had come close to saying something, but he’d hesitated, an uncertain look lurking in those clear blue eyes of his; he’d clearly had second thoughts and his words had remained unspoken. It had left Brogan feeling a mix of relief and regret. Part of her didn’t feel ready to venture back to that day, face the wholly out of character way she’d behaved. But a big part of her wished he’d just gone for it, taken the plunge and got it out there. That way, she’d have no choice but to face up to what had happened between them, face up to the feelings he’d first stirred in her that day, the feelings that were currently gaining pace at a rapid speed. If only Archie’s words would stop stalking her like some pernicious spectre. “You’re not enough.” They gripped her tight, squeezing the air from her lungs every time she thought about them, which had become more frequent recently as she’d wrestled with her feelings for Nick. The thought of not being “enough” for him, the thought that he might one day utter those words to her, was almost too much to bear. She’d rather their relationship didn’t go any further than risk hearing that from Nick.
“You’re not enough.”Ughh!
By the time the grandfather clock struck midnight, the fire had become nothing more than a small pile of glowing embers in the grate. Brogan tried but failed to stifle a yawn which made Nick laugh.
‘Looks like my scintillating conversation has struck again,’ he said, amused.
‘No, it’s not that at all, it’s all that walking about, delivering leaflets in the snow, plus I’m not used to such late nights; I’m such a granny, I’m usually tucked up in bed by ten o’clock.’ She succumbed to another yawn, covering her mouth with her hand. ‘Oh, no. I’m really sorry.’ She laughed too.
As they were saying their goodnights, Nick placed his hands on the top of her arms, bending his head to meet her eyes.
‘Brogan, you must never let anyone make you think you’re not enough. I really mean it. Never, okay?’ He gave her arms a squeeze as if to confirm his words.
‘Um, oh, okay.’ Her sleepy brain felt fuzzy as she tried to work out where this was going.
‘I mean it. You’re a wonderful, warm-hearted person, the way you look out for Bert is a perfect example of that. I’ve never met anyone like you, and I know I haven’t known you long at all, but, you’re enough for… What I mean is… what I want to say is, just don’t let anyone make you feel you’re not enough. Because there’s no way that could ever be possible. That’s all.’
‘Oh.’ Brogan braced herself, half-expecting him to pull her into a hug – she’d half-hoped he would. Instead, he held her gaze for several longs seconds, before giving the tops of her arms another squeeze and kissing her briefly on the cheek.