Page 43 of A Cornish Winter's Kiss

‘That still doesn’t explain why you sent me away.’ Jude’s voice was quiet and he suddenly felt like that young boy again, desperate to try and understand what he’d done wrong, and even more desperate to find a way to be allowed home again.

‘Every room in this house reminded me of your mother, apart from this one. She always hated this room, and it became the only place I could stand to be, because I didn’t miss her quite so overwhelmingly when I was here. I knew you didn’t have anywhere in the house that felt that way for you. So when Sandra suggested that boarding school would give you a fresh start, I convinced myself she was right and that somehow you’d miss your mother less without the constant reminders. Viv helped me realise how stupid that was, but I honestly thought I was doing it for the best and once I saw how spiteful Sandra was towards you, I didn’t want to bring you home to that either.’

‘I still don’t understand why you didn’t send her away instead.’

‘I should have done, but I was so scared of being on my own and having to really face up to losing your mum. I met Sandra so quickly, but I never really moved on or processed what happened. I almost enjoyed the fact that she was so difficult to live with; it gave me something else to think about, something to focus on other than the great gaping hole that losing Ros had left in my life. But I should never have dragged you into all of that, Jude, and I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know that it wasn’t because I didn’t want you here with me. I’d have given anything to have you and your mum back home where you belonged, but without her I genuinely thought you were better off without me too.’

His father’s voice was thick with emotion. They’d never had a conversation like this before, not even close.

‘I missed Mum, but I missed you too.’ Jude took a deep breath. Being honest was hard, but he’d promised himself he was going to give it a go. ‘I still do.’

‘Me too. I know we can never make up for lost time, but Viv has been telling me for years that I should lay all my cards on the table. It’s taken me all this time of watching her with Fiona to finally admit all the mistakes I made, and I just want the chance to try and undo the ones that I can. I kept that suitcase of stuff up in the attic for years, all the time I was with Sandra, and even since I married Viv. I’d go up there sometimes just to look at it, or to add to the scrapbook and photo albums your mum had kept for you since you were born. It was as if I could still share with her what our boy was doing, but when Viv found the case, and I admitted you didn’t know most of the contents even existed, she was angrier than I’ve ever seen her before. I thought I was saving you pain by not exposing you to memories that might be difficult to relive, just like I thought I was protecting us both by not talking to you about your mum after she died. But Viv told me in no uncertain terms that it was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard, and that by keeping your mum’s things from you I was robbing you of so much. She said you were the one I should have been talking to about how proud I am of all the things you’ve achieved.’

‘So itwasyou who added those things to the scrapbook?’

‘Yes, and I’ve kept every press cutting about your career, and a copy of each of your books in every format and translation they’ve been published in.’ Charles opened the door of a mahogany cabinet that was pushed up against one of the walls. ‘They’re all in here and I wish every day that your mum could have lived to see what you’ve achieved, despite all the mistakes I’ve made.’

‘I’ve done my own share of messing things up.’ Jude wanted to reach out to his father, but years of distance between them couldn’t be bridged in a single day. His father’s honesty meant more to him than he could convey, but it couldn’t wave a magic wand and suddenly make everything easy between them. This was a huge step in the right direction, but it was going to take time to undo the mistakes of the last twenty-five years, for both of them.

‘From where I’m standing you haven’t messed anything up, Jude. But I know it hurts Viv when you push her away, and I think it probably hurts you too. I understand why you do it, and that’s my fault too, but I don’t want you to miss out on anything else because of me. I’ve taken enough from you.’ Charles gave another shuddering sigh. ‘Let yourself be a proper part of this family. I’m living testament of how much good that can do you.’

‘I think I’d like that.’ There it was again – unfiltered honesty. Jude was admitting things out loud that for years he hadn’t even admitted to himself, for fear of getting hurt. Yet here he was, being vulnerable and open with the one person he’d spent his life being most guarded around in order to protect himself from the pain of rejection. He’d never in a million years have imagined having this conversation with his father, and he didn’t think Charles would ever have said the things he had if it hadn’t been for Viv. But the truth was his stepmother wasn’t the only miracle worker. If he hadn’t met Emily, he’d almost certainly never have been ready to listen to what his father had to say, and it was just one more thing he had to thank her for.

Emily adored the chaos of the run-up to Christmas when all the family were together. Once Charlotte, Jake and the childrendescended upon the household it was a whirlwind of activity. By the time Jude arrived, she’d already played three games of Guess Who with Bronte and had been a makeshift horse for the twins, ferrying them up and down the hallway while she was urged to giddy up each time.

She hadn’t been sure what Jude would think of spending the day with them all. He’d admitted that he’d avoided spending time at his father’s house and hadn’t built the kind of relationship he could have done with his stepsister’s children as a result. Yet within five minutes of arriving at the house, he’d already been roped into becoming the second horse and racing up the hallway with Ellis on his back, against Emily and Arthur. The dogs had both decided to take refuge in the conservatory, no doubt keen to avoid becoming stand-in horses.

‘I like him already.’ Charlotte had cornered Emily, speaking in low tones, when Jude had finally conceded defeat in the last race. ‘He’s a good sport, he’s great with the kids and he makes you laugh more than I’ve seen you laugh in a long time. Not to mention the fact that he’s quite wonderful to look at, even galloping along the floor on all fours.’

As Charlotte had laughed, Emily wished she could play it down and tell her sister she was making too much of it. But her stupid romantic soul seemed determined to side with her sister, whispering in every lull in conversation that Jude was exactly what she’d always wanted.

‘Will you do Just Dance with me again?’ Bronte was hanging off Jude’s arm now, looking up at him with puppy-dog eyes and pleading for just one more dance off on the video game that was her new obsession. He really had taken being a good sport to a whole new level.

‘No, Jude will not dance with you again. You said that if we let you play for a third time you would absolutely, cross your heart, pinky promise to not ask again.’ Jake had got theimpression of his daughter spot on, complete with actions. ‘So, young lady, a deal’s a deal. It’s time to go up to bed.’

‘But I’m not a baby, I don’t want to go to bed at the same time as the twins.’

‘Ellis and Arthur have already been in bed for an hour, darling, and if you don’t do what your father says, one of the elves might tell Father Christmas.’ Charlotte’s tone may have sounded matter-of-fact, but there wasn’t even a hint of a smile on her face.

‘Can you take me up now, Daddy?’ Bronte all but threw herself into her father’s arms in her haste to get to bed. There was no way she wanted to risk a demotion to the naughty list this late in the game.

‘Okay, darling, but say thank you to Jude and Auntie Em for playing with you.’

‘Thank you, Joooood.’ Bronte hung out the single syllable of his name as she marched over to give him a hug goodnight before turning to her aunt and doing the same thing. She had a powerful squeeze for such a tiny girl, and it was one of Emily’s favourite things in the world. ‘Night night, Auntie Em, can you bring Jooooood to play again, please?’

‘Maybe he could come on Christmas Day?’ It was Patsy who made the suggestion, making Bronte shriek in delight.

‘Yay!’

‘Jude’s spending Christmas with his family, and I think one dose of the chaos in this house is probably enough for anyone.’

‘I love the chaos.’ Jude sounded as though he genuinely meant it. ‘And if the offer is open on Boxing Day, I’d love to come back and see if I can finally beat you at Just Dance, Bronte.’

‘You can try.’ Bronte grinned, suddenly sounding more like sixteen than six, making them all laugh.

‘It’s probably just as well you’re not coming on Christmas Day, Jude.’ Charlotte pulled a face. ‘Because apparently Em iscooking the dinner. So you might have to come and visit us all in St Piran’s Hospital on Boxing Day.’

Emily threw a cushion at her sister’s departing back as Charlotte burst out laughing again, going with Jake to put their daughter to bed.

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