Page 28 of A Cornish Winter's Kiss

‘Hello. I didn’t realise all this was going to have appeared when I suggested meeting here.’ Jude gestured towards the small stage that had been erected on the far side of the lobster pot Christmas tree. There were posters dotted around Port Agnes about upcoming Christmas events. The first of them was a concert by a local rock choir, who’d apparently be singing ‘all the Christmas classics’ and raising funds for the Friends of St Piran’s Hospital, situated in neighbouring Port Kara.

‘It seems to be getting busier every day, and tomorrow is the farmers’ market, so they’ll be putting up some stalls for that later. We might be better off heading out of town a bit. We could take the coastal path in the opposite direction to usual, towards the kissing gate.’

‘The kissing gate?’ Jude’s eyebrows shot up and he grinned as heat flooded her face. She hated how easily he had that effect on her.

‘I didn’t mean…’ She shook her head. ‘I just thought it would make a change from always taking the route that leads towards Dagger’s Head.’

‘I’m up for a change. I think it’s about time.’ Jude looked as if he was about to say something else but, when he didn’t, Emily decided to stick to a relatively safe topic as they began to head out of the village. ‘What’s the best Christmas gift you ever got?’

‘Buzz Lightyear.’ There was no hesitation on Jude’s part. ‘I must have been about five or six and it was the year the first Toy Story film came out. I was certain I was going to grow up to be an astronaut. My whole room was space themed, but in the meantime I wanted a Buzz Lightyear toy more than anything. Everyone did and it must have been hard for my mum to track one down, but she’d have done whatever it took to make me happy. She always did.’

‘She sounds amazing.’

‘She was.’ The wistfulness in Jude’s voice made something twist in her chest, but then he turned to look at her. ‘What about you?’

‘My parents bought me a car the Christmas after my seventeenth birthday, but I don’t think even that beat the guinea pig Santa Claus bought me when I was nine. His name was Geraldine.’ She laughed at the expression on his face. ‘We thought he was a girl for a long time; that’s what the sales assistant at the pet shop told my dad. The vet put us right in the end, but it was far too late to change his name by then. Why are you laughing? It’s really hard to work out a guinea pig’s sex.’

‘I’m sure it is.’ He didn’t seem to be able to stop laughing, and she couldn’t help joining in. It was great to see him looking so much happier. ‘I’m just amazed at your family’s ability to give your pets such unique names. Don’t tell me, I bet you’ve got a goldfish called William Shakespeare.’

‘Not quite, but my mum has got a penchant for paying tribute to the people she admires. She named me and my sister after the Bront? sisters.’ Emily shrugged. ‘I must admit I thought you might give me a bit more of a ribbing about still believing in Santa when I was nine. When did you realise he wasn’t real?’

‘Santa Claus isn’t real?’ Jude pulled such a convincing face of horror that just for a split second she wanted to apologise, and then he started laughing again and she gave him a gentle nudge in the ribs. It set the tone for the rest of the walk up to the kissing gate. Just as she’d hoped, they’d found their way back to easy conversation, joking back and forth. It was like they’d been before she’d given him her unsolicited opinion on what he should do to sort out his life. Offering further proof that if they avoided certain subjects, they had a lot of common ground.

The air was getting colder as they approached the kissing gate, and there were crystals of frost clinging to the blades of grass and shards of ice in the puddles they passed.

‘It’s lovely here, isn’t it? The view captures a snapshot of the whole Three Ports section of the coast.’ Emily stopped about twenty feet before the gate, at a spot where the curve of the bays at Port Agnes and Port Kara continued along the headline to Port Tremellien.

‘I’d forgotten just how beautiful Cornwall is. It’s been a few years since I’ve been back.’ Jude’s face was impassive, and just like before, she didn’t push him to elaborate.

‘I know what you mean. I come back whenever I can, but it still takes my breath away every time. I think when you’re born somewhere like this, it’s in your blood somehow and, wherever you go, it will always draw you back again.’ Emily was expecting him to dismiss what she’d said as stupidly sentimental, but he nodded.

‘I was born over there.’ Jude pointed to the stretch of coast between Port Kara and Port Tremellien. ‘There used to be acottage hospital there. I couldn’t believe it when I found out how close I was born to where my parents raised me. For a while I wondered if they knew my biological mother personally, but it was just one of those weird coincidences.’

‘I didn’t realise you knew those sorts of details.’ Emily spoke carefully, desperately trying not to overstep the mark again.

‘When I was eighteen my father gave me all the details he had, including my birth mother’s name and where I was born. My parents had also been told that I was born on her twentieth birthday. Apparently, she asked for me to be placed with a family in Cornwall. Social Services couldn’t guarantee it, but my parents had been waiting for a baby for three years and they were deemed a good match in other ways.’ Jude sighed. ‘I’ve often wondered whether my biological mother wanted me to know which county I was in because she was planning to come looking for me. But she never did.’

‘Even if she knew the county, it wouldn’t be easy.’ Like so many times before, Emily felt an almost overwhelming urge to reach out to him, but she gripped the dog lead tighter instead. ‘Isn’t the onus on the child to reach out first?’

‘Yes, but like I said before, I never wanted to.’ He turned to look at her. ‘Until now.’

‘You’re going to find her?’ Emily couldn’t keep the surprise out of her voice. She was shocked by how much of a turnaround this seemed from the impression he’d given her before. She didn’t know if the things she’d said had influenced him, but she hated the idea that she might have pushed him into a situation where he could face more rejection. The thought of him getting hurt again made her shiver, but she could see he needed to do this, and she’d do anything she could to help.

‘I’m going to try.’ Jude let go of a long breath. ‘I still feel as if I’m being disloyal to Mum, but she must have known there was a possibility of me meeting my birth mother one day, withus living so close to where I was born. So the idea can’t have bothered her too much.’

‘From what you’ve told me about your mum, I get the feeling she’d just want you to do whatever you thought was best.’

‘I think you’re right. I’m just not sure whether this will turn out to be for the best. It could open a whole can of worms that I’ll wish I’d left alone, but I think I’ll spend my whole life wondering “what if” if I don’t do it. I just have to go into it prepared to hear that my biological mother gave me up because she didn’t want me.’

‘Giving something up implies sacrifice to me, and sacrifices are far more likely to be made out of love than for any other reason. I can only imagine what it feels like to take a risk on something like this, but if you do decide to do it, I might know someone who can help.’ She watched for his expression to shut down, and when it didn’t she continued. ‘My dad’s best friend, Barry, is married to Gwen. She was a midwife in the area for well over forty years. If there was a cottage hospital where babies were born close by, you can bet she worked there. She seems to know everyone around here too. So even on the off-chance she never worked there, I bet she knows someone who did. Gwen would be a great place to start. If you want me to put you in touch with her?’

‘Thank you, but I don’t want to contact my birth mother unless she’s willing to hear from me. I added myself to the adoption contact register last night, but it can take weeks to hear back and there’s always a chance she hasn’t put her name on the register.’ Jude’s tone was neutral, but there was muscle going in his cheek. Emily longed to tell him she was sure that wouldn’t be the case, and that of course his biological mother would want to hear from him, but she couldn’t know that for certain. In the end she didn’t say anything, allowing Jude to continue instead. ‘I know my biological mother’s name was Phillipa JudithJohnston. I don’t know how my parents knew her full name, but my father seemed certain about it.’

‘Is that why you’re called Jude?’

‘Yes, he said Mum wanted to give me a name that linked me to my birth mother, and I’m glad I got Jude instead of Phillip.’ When he looked at her again, the tension in his jaw seemed to ease. ‘I’m just glad she didn’t take a leaf out of your mum’s book, otherwise I might have been called Benny or Björn.’

‘Or maybe even Agnetha, and do you know what? I think you could have carried it off.’ She grinned as he laughed again, the sound fast becoming one of her favourite things. As the realisation of that hit her, Emily caught her breath. Jasmine was right; she was in unchartered territory, and it was too late to stop herself getting involved. She was already in far too deep.

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