Page 27 of A Cornish Winter's Kiss

‘Well, apologise then and take it from there. You both said things you shouldn’t have, but you can be the bigger person. If he won’t accept your apology when he owes you one too, that tells you all you need to know about who he really is.’

‘And if he does accept it?’

‘Then you, my friend, might well find yourself in unchartered territory.’ Emily wasn’t completely sure how she felt about that idea; it was a mixture of terror and excitement, but she had no idea which one was winning. All she knew was Jasmine was right and that she didn’t want whatever she had with Jude to end. She was just going to have to discover where the unchartered territory took her and hope it didn’t turn out to be somewhere she’d end up getting hurt.

12

Rufus had been pacing around the apartment like a caged animal all day. Jude took him for a long walk at lunch time, thinking that the dog would spend the afternoon stretched out and snoring, as he usually did after a walk, but Rufus went straight back to pacing as soon as he came back. The only time he stopped was to go and sit by the door for a little while and make whining sounds, as if he’d been left on his own for hours instead of having Jude’s company all day. Rufus wasn’t the only one feeling hemmed in either. Jude had lived in the city all his adult life, and much of that time he’d spent living in flats or mews houses. He was used to enclosed spaces, and Puffin’s Rest didn’t even feel small because of the full-length windows with seemingly endless views out to sea. So he couldn’t rationalise why all of a sudden he felt so hemmed in, and why it had been impossible for him to settle down and get any work done at all. Or why the hour-long walk he and Rufus had taken along the coastal path hadn’t done anything to stop either of them feeling restless. Even before he got the text from Emily, he knew the unsettled feeling had something to do with her.

I’m really sorry about last night. Gary Barlow wouldn’t look at me this morning when he realised we weren’t meeting you and Rufus for a walk. I should never have said the things I did, it’s none of my business and I overstepped the mark. If you can forgive me, we’d both love to meet up with you for a walk tomorrow and if my apology isn’t enough, maybe this picture is. Sorry again xx

Emily’s text was accompanied by a photograph of Gary Barlow looking very miserable with his head resting on his paws. A smile crept across Jude’s face before he even realised it and some of the tension in his shoulders relaxed. A huge part of him wanted to text her back straight away and tell her he was sorry too, that he’d had no right to talk about her father the way he had, but the strength of his desire to see her again made him hesitate. He wasn’t used to feeling this much pull towards someone and he didn’t like how exposed it made him feel. Jude had prided himself on being self-reliant ever since he’d left school. He didn’t want to need anyone the way he seemed to need Emily.

He was still holding his phone when it started to ring. It was his editor, and for a moment he considered not answering, but he’d have to take the call eventually, so he might as well get it over with.

‘Hi, Marty, how are you doing?’

‘I’m just wondering how my number one author is getting on with the revisions to the next DCI McGuigan story.’

‘So you’ve passed my book on to Sophia Wainwright to work on, have you? You better give her a call if you want to know how she’s getting on.’

Marty laughed. ‘Don’t be like that, Jude, you know you’re still my favourite. I just want you back at number one in the charts too, where you belong.’

‘The revisionsweregoing well. I gave McGuigan a relationship and then I put it in jeopardy by tying it to a murder case. Potentially there’s enough there to get the investment you wanted from readers in the relationship, but I’m still not sure it feels believable.’

‘Sounds like Emily’s help has moved things on a lot, that’s great.’ The relief in Marty’s voice was tangible. ‘As for whether or not it’s believable enough, why don’t you let me be the judge of that?’

‘Because with all due respect, Marty, whether you believe in it or not isn’t the issue. This is my book and I need to believe in what I’ve written.’ Jude looked out of the window as he spoke, a lone boat bouncing across the waves. He’d always thought that being alone was preferable to allowing his happiness to be impacted by someone else, and yet somehow Emily had got under his skin and made him question whether solitude really was the best option. He still didn’t know the answer, but he didn’t feel nearly as certain about anything any more, and that included the approach he’d taken to editing his novel.

‘I’ve known you for a long time, Jude, and I’m not sure you’re capable of making any kind of judgement about the validity of a relationship.’ There was no edge to Marty’s voice; he was just stating the facts as he saw them. ‘The trouble is we haven’t got forever. Have you considered showing Emily what you’ve written? Or I’m sure I could ask Sophia if there’s any advice she can offer.’

‘No.’ Jude couldn’t believe what he was about to say to Marty, but they’d worked together for years and something that might be described as friendship had grown between them. So he might as well be honest. ‘I wouldn’t want McGuigan’s storylineto look like anything Sophia might write, and having her look at it wouldn’t solve the problem of me believing in what I’ve written. Emily seems to think I need to face up to some things that have happened in my life in order for me to be able to view McGuigan’s relationship with an open mind, and I’m coming to the conclusion that she might be right.’

‘I don’t know what you’re paying that girl, but you should double it!’ Marty laughed again, but as he continued, his tone became more serious. ‘I don’t need to know the details, but I’ve suspected as much for years. You’re a great writer, Jude, but I think you could be exceptional if you found a way of unblocking some of that emotion you find it so hard to translate to the page.’

‘Oh God, Marty, please don’t ruin a great working relationship by going all deep and meaningful on me.’

‘I won’t as long as you promise me you’ll take Emily’s advice and do whatever you need to in order to get things sorted. Just don’t take too long about it. You’ve got a January deadline to hit that we’re not going to be able to extend any further.’

‘You can rely on me.’

‘I hope so, Jude, because it’s not going to be great for either of our careers if we don’t pull this off. Just call me when you’ve got good news.’

‘I will. Bye, Marty.’ Jude breathed out as he ended the call. His editor spelling out the bottom line seemed to relieve the pressure rather than add to it. A firm deadline was about as tangible and emotionless as it got, and something about that gave Jude comfort. If he could use that to take the emotion out of facing up to his past, it suddenly felt far easier to do, and he was going to make a start on looking at the edits again before he changed his mind. There was just one other thing he needed to do first.

Opening the last message from Emily, he typed a reply.

I’m sorry too, we both said things we probably shouldn’t have, but you were right, I do need to work through some of the stuff around my adoption. As for meeting up, Rufus has already made it clear he’ll be leaving home if I don’t let him meet up with Gary Barlow again in the next twenty-four hours and he’s not afraid to pee in my shoes in the meantime if I don’t comply. So how about tomorrow morning at ten down by the harbour?

After he’d pressed send, he stood for a moment staring at the phone, willing a reply to come through, but it was going to drive him mad watching and waiting. Setting down the phone instead, he walked over to his laptop and flipped open the lid. It was time to face his past, whatever it might reveal.

Emily had the kind of butterflies in her stomach that she usually only got when she was reading reviews on Audible about a novel she’d narrated, waiting to hear whether listeners thought she’d done the book justice or completely ruined it. Thankfully the vast majority of her reviews were good ones, but she wasn’t nearly so confident that the outcome today would be as positive. Even though Jude had agreed to meet her, she had no idea if they could get back to the burgeoning friendship they seemed to have developed since they’d both arrived in Cornwall. It shouldn’t have mattered to her as much as it did. Emily had done what she could for him in terms of advising him on his book, and it wasn’t like she was hoping he might choose her to narrate one of his novels. She didn’t have the right voice for crime, atleast not the kind of stuff that Jude wrote. She’d narrated cosy crime before, but she’d found her niche in romance and women’s fiction, largely thanks to the big break Sophia had given her.

Despite all of that, she still cared about what happened after this meetup with Jude. She didn’t know whether it was because she hoped they’d be friends, or as Jasmine had guessed, that a part of her wanted something more, despite his view of relationships. One thing she knew for certain was that Jude needed a friend. She suspected he’d opened up to her more than he’d intended to, and she’d been told in the past that it was a knack she had with people. She wanted to help Jude, if he’d let her, but she’d learned her lesson about pushing him too far.

Gary Barlow saw Rufus and Jude before she did, turning around in circles and barking in delight at spotting his canine friend and his master.

‘Hello.’ Emily’s voice was low, and an eternity seemed to pass before Jude smiled.

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