Page 15 of A Cornish Winter's Kiss

‘Do people really like this stuff?’ He paused by one of the market stalls, the scent of mulled wine filling the air and a long queue forming to buy Belgian-style waffles.

‘Of course they do, it helps make them feel Christmassy.’

‘What, buying overpriced crap from garden sheds?’ Jude shook his head, and Emily bit her lip. This wasn’t working and she didn’t want to admit how disappointed she was that stopping for a warming mug of glühwein and watching the sunset over the Thames was clearly the last thing Jude would want to do. She’d stupidly thought if she could capture a romantic moment they were part of, however tenuously, that he might actually feel something. But it wasn’t going to happen and the fact she felt so disappointed was a clear indication that she’d taken the fantasy too far already. She had a habit of doing that, and maybe he was right; maybe that was a legacy of loving romance novels as much as she did. Except the idea of getting lost in a perfect moment made her every bit as happy as reading about them. So what if that kind of thing didn’t often live up to expectations in real life? She still wanted to believe that it could. But it didn’t matter what she did to try and convince Jude; he was never going to believe in those moments, and he was wasting his money paying her to try and teach him something he wasn’t willing to learn.

‘I think we should call it a day.’ Emily didn’t look at him as she spoke, because then he’d realise she was upset and she felt like a fool for letting this get to her as much as it had.

‘I thought we were going to Grosvenor Square next.’

‘I don’t think there’s any point.’ Emily dodged to one side as a group of young women, wearing reindeer antlers and laughingloudly, passed by, taking up most of the path. One of them, clearly on her hen do, had a veil attached to her antlers.

‘What do you mean there’s no point?’

‘I think this might have been a stupid idea. Me trying to show you how people look when they’re in love. I thought Christmas was the ideal time but I think it’s proving to be a distraction if anything. I suppose I didn’t really believe you hated Christmas every bit as much as you hate the concept of romantic love.’ Emily quickened her pace. For some reason her eyes were stinging, but she wasn’t going to cry over Jude Cavendish, that was for sure. She just hated failing, that was all. ‘Anyway, you were right. I started reading the first DCI McGuigan book and he’d never do anything I’d perceive as romantic. It was a stupid idea and I’m sorry. I can refund you the money. I should never have thought I was qualified to do this.’

‘It wasn’t stupid.’ Jude sighed heavily. ‘I’m just… not like other people, I suppose. But I don’t want my money back. Talking to you has given me some solid ideas about how to introduce a relationship for McGuigan, even if that doesn’t look like the type that Sophia would put in her books, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have got that far without you. I’d still like to go to Grosvenor Square, if you can bear my company one last time.’

‘I just don’t understand why you’d want to go, after everything you’ve said.’

‘I think we’ve established that I’m sceptical about romantic love.’ He laughed at the look that must have crossed her face. Sceptical didn’t do it justice. ‘Okay, okay, maybe it goes beyond that, but you said something about Grosvenor Square being a good way to observe other kinds of love. Maybe if I can find a way to reveal that side of McGuigan, I can write him a believable relationship too. It’s got to be worth a shot, and we more or less pass Grosvenor Square on the way home.’

‘I thought you said all love was just a form of transaction.’ It had been a conversation they’d had after they’d seen a family of four together at the ice rink, and she’d made a throwaway comment about how it was impossible not to believe in love when you saw them together. Jude had suggested they were only together because they got something from one another – care and security for the children, and some form of fulfilment that the parents had been seeking. He’d made the argument that in years to come the family wouldn’t be so close. The children would no longer need their parents in the same way, and their parents would have to find something else to fill the gap that was left behind. As for whether the mum and dad would still be together, he’d had doubts about that too. It was all so clinical, dissecting the parts of something beautiful and making it seem ugly instead, summing up love as just a transaction. She should have known even then that this was going to be a waste of time.

‘And as I recall, you told me I was wrong and that Grosvenor Square would prove it.’

‘Okay.’ Emily didn’t even try to inject any enthusiasm into her voice. This would be her last attempt to get Jude to understand what she was trying to show him, and if he didn’t get it at Grosvenor Square, he never would. ‘But I’m only doing it because it’s in the same direction as Shepherd’s Bush, otherwise I wouldn’t bother.’

‘Message received and understood.’ Jude nodded, and she hated the part of herself that was relieved they had a bit more time together. She should just walk away now, but she’d promised to take him to Grosvenor Square, and if there was one thing Emily hated doing, it was breaking a promise.

The Ever After Garden consisted of twenty thousand illuminated white silk roses, spread out across Grosvenor Square. Emily had seen it in the daytime before, but never at night, and the sight made her catch her breath. She wasn’t the only one.

‘It’s beautiful.’ Jude stopped on the path, a sea of roses in front of them, and they watched as two young women handed something to a member of staff. There was a brief exchange as the women selected a rose and the young man carefully placed a small wooden plaque next to it. Jude turned towards Emily. ‘Do you know what they’re doing?’

‘Dedicating a rose to someone they’ve lost. It’s a way of remembering a loved one and bringing them into your Christmas, now they’re no longer here. All the funds raised go to the Royal Marsden.’

‘Do you have to have lost someone to cancer?’ Jude was still watching the two young women, who hadn’t moved away from the rose they’d chosen. They had their arms around one another and it must have been obvious, even to someone as dispassionate as Jude, that this was an emotional moment for them.

‘I thought you’d have heard about this, living close by.’ Perhaps Emily shouldn’t have been surprised; to say that Jude didn’t seem the sentimental type was an understatement.

‘I try to avoid anywhere that might get touristy at this time of year.’ Jude let go of a long breath. ‘But it’s surprisingly quiet here, and there’s something about the atmosphere. It’s almost as if the park understands what it’s playing host to.’ It was the closest Jude had come to saying anything emotional.

‘I know what you mean, but to answer your question, no, it doesn’t have to be to remember someone who had cancer. You can dedicate a rose to anyone. I’ve been thinking about doing one for my grandparents, but I wasn’t sure if I’d get over here before I went home for Christmas.’ Emily moved ahead of Jude on the pavement. ‘Now I’m here, I’m going to do it. Why don’t you read some of the dedications? I’ve got a feeling they’ll all be written with love.’

‘I want to dedicate a rose too.’ If Jude had suddenly started clucking like a chicken, Emily wasn’t sure she’d have been any more surprised.

‘Oh, okay.’ She desperately wanted to ask who he was dedicating it to, but she didn’t want him to shut down before he’d even had the chance to allow himself to feel something. As it was, he disclosed the information without her having to say anything.

‘It’s for my mother. She died when I was ten, in a skiing accident, four days after Christmas.’ And there it was, in one simple sentence – the reason why Jude hated this time of year so much. Suddenly, Emily had the urge to hug him, but she linked her hands together instead, waiting for the feeling to pass.

‘I’m really sorry, that must have been so hard. I almost lost my mum in a car accident when I was a teenager, and it changed everything for me. So I can’t even imagine how difficult it was for you.’

‘It was a long time ago.’ Jude tried to brush it off, but his eyes gave him away. Even after all this time, it still hurt. So he was human after all, and there was no doubt he’d been capable of love in the past. But she wasn’t going to push him to talk about it if he didn’t want to.

‘Let’s go and get our roses.’ Emily led the way to the pop-up booth where three members of staff were taking payments for the dedications. She didn’t want to encroach on Jude’s momentand, as curious as she was, she was determined not to read the dedication he wrote for his mother. If he was ever going to get in touch with his feelings enough to translate them to his characters, he needed the space to do it. ‘I’ll go to the far side of the counter, if you want to go to the left. We can meet up once we’ve both finished and chosen our roses.’

‘Okay, thank you.’ When Jude turned to look at her, their eyes locked for a moment and the urge to hug him returned, very nearly overwhelming her this time. Instead, she turned towards the counter, taking out her phone to make the payment for the dedication. She forced herself not to look in Jude’s direction, and by the time she’d selected her rose, and the member of staff had attached the dedication to it, he was already waiting for her.

‘This was helpful, thank you.’ Jude nodded, as if to emphasise his words.

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