Page 12 of A Cornish Winter's Kiss

‘Sounds like you’re speaking from experience I don’t have.’ Jude shrugged, but there was an expression in his eyes that she couldn’t quantify. Emily was tempted to tell him it wasn’t personal experience she was speaking from, just the lives she’d lived through the books she’d read and a hope that one day she would get to experience it for herself. She might have told Jasmine she wasn’t looking for love, but she still wanted it to find her.One day. She couldn’t admit any of that to Jude; he needed to believe she was an expert in love and romance, otherwise she’d be no good to him. He’d probably think it was pathetic anyway, that even with a career she loved and so much else to be thankful for, she still wanted to find someone to love.

‘Look, even if you don’t believe Christmas is romantic, and you don’t want to build McGuigan’s relationship around it, all you have to do is watch couples spending time together at this time of year to understand what love looks like.’

‘But not in Winter Wonderland?’ He gave her a slightly crooked smile this time, which somehow made him even more handsome.

‘No, and not in crowded department stores either, or stressed out and jostling with the crowds on Oxford Street. I could take you to any number of places at this time of year that will help you see what romance looks like, whether or not you decide to make Christmas a feature of your characters’ relationship.’

‘I want you to show me what love looks like.’ He held her gaze, and she couldn’t answer him, because in that moment she could barely remember her own name. But suddenly the crooked smile was back. ‘You’ve already given me a way of creating a relationship for McGuigan that doesn’t seem like a total sellout, and if you can find a way for me to mention family and Christmas without it feeling totally false, my editor is going to love you even more than I will. When can you start?’

Emily hesitated, suddenly even less certain than before whether any of this was a good idea. It might just be a business arrangement, but there was a fizz of something between her and Jude, and a line it felt might be dangerously easy to cross. Except Emily would jump in with her heart on a platter the way she always did, and Jude had already made it clear he didn’t have a heart. At least not the kind that believed in romantic love. They were a match made in hell, but it was Emily who’d get burnt, and she’d promised Jasmine she wouldn’t get involved with someone like him. ‘I don’t know, it would mean evenings and weekends, and I’d have to charge considerably more than the rate we initially agreed.’

‘Name your price.’ He was regarding her now with a hint of amusement in his eyes, making her all the more determined to walk away. But the last thing she wanted was for him to know the real reason why.

‘Three hundred pounds an hour.’ Just saying the amount out loud made Emily’s face go hot, and not just because it made her sound like a high-class escort.

‘Great.’ He held out his hand and she found herself shaking it, because she had no idea how to get out of this without telling him why she’d changed her mind. She just had to keep things businesslike and remind herself why crossing a line with Jude would be such bad news. It shouldn’t be that hard; she’d only be spending all her spare time with a man she found incredibly attractive, teaching him about love and romance. What could possibly go wrong?

6

Jude ruffled the fur on Rufus’s head. ‘Don’t look at me like that, I know I’ve been out a lot this week, but today you get to come, too.’

Jude didn’t think the dog really understood what he said to him, but the enthusiasm with which Rufus’s tail was thudding against the sofa cushion suggested otherwise. The dog had looked bereft the day before when Jude had gone out with Emily for the second of their ‘research trips’ aimed at convincing him that Christmas was the perfect time of year for him to have DCI McGuigan reconnecting and falling in love with his ex. Emily was still insisting that all the romance and nostalgia of Christmas could open the most hardened heart. Jude begged to differ, but he had a book to deliver so he had no choice but to try.

Trip one had involved watching couples stumbling around an open-air ice rink, desperately trying to stay upright and almost as desperately trying to pretend they were enjoying themselves. In Jude’s opinion, it was crowded and clichéd, and the sort of thing people did when they were trying to force a romantic moment where none existed. To him it was like proposing at the top of the Eiffel Tower, or with a ring hidden in the bottom of aglass of champagne. Those things were deemed romantic simply by virtue of the fact that someone, somewhere, had once said they were. In Jude’s view, that didn’t make them so.

‘I’m not feeling it.’ Jude shrugged when Emily had asked him what he thought of her first attempt to show him just how romantic the festive season could be. ‘I still don’t see what’s romantic about a giant Christmas tree in the middle of an ice rink.’

‘Look at those two.’ Emily had pointed out a couple who were doubled over with laughter as one of them tried to help the other get up, without much success. When they eventually managed to get to the edge of the rink together, they were still laughing, but then he leant forward and kissed her.

‘How did you know they were going to do that?’ Jude had narrowed his eyes.

‘Because laughter is an aphrodisiac, but so is Christmas. They’re having fun and feeling festive, so a kiss was inevitable.’ It had been Emily’s turn to shrug.

‘Okay, but I’m hardly going to have McGuigan dancing on ice. He’s a cynical detective whose closest relationship is with a bottle of whisky. The only ice he’s interested in comes in cubes.’

‘Even if you don’t think Christmas is romantic and you don’t think McGuigan would do any of the things we’re going to see, I still think observing people at this time of year will help. You can watch them going on dates and maybe even falling in love, and emotions are heightened because no one wants to be on their own at Christmas. That could help you identify the ingredients of a believable love story and maybe work out what McGuigan’s motivations are for finally getting out from behind his whisky bottle and letting himself feel something else.’

‘Okay, so in your vast experience, what are these ingredients?’ Jude had wanted to ask whether it was something Emily had found for herself, but he’d held back. He had noright to ask her to divulge anything personal, just as he had no intention of spilling his guts about the details of his personal life. Anything she chose to reveal would have to come from her.

‘I think the list of ingredients can be varied, but for lots of people it’s the ability to laugh at the same things, knowing how to have a good time together, and allowing themselves to be a bit vulnerable around one another. What could be a better example of that than going ice-skating together, when you have no idea how to do it? That’s how I knew that couple were going to kiss.’

Jude had nodded then. He still thought that Emily’s idea of love and romance belonged in the fictional world Sophia Wainwright created, but he could see her point. If he could work out what it was that would make McGuigan buy into that illusion, he might just be able to write him a believable relationship that didn’t compromise everything else he’d built his lead character up to be. It was why he didn’t just pay Emily what he owed her after that first trip out and call it a day. It was also why he’d agreed to their second trip, to a rooftop bar, illuminated only by rows and rows of golden Christmas lights, where they’d watched an open-air showing ofThe Holiday. Emily had shushed him every time he tried to point out a plot hole in the movie, and by God there’d been plenty of them, mostly around how insanely quickly both romances play out.

‘That timeline is all over the place. My editor would think I’d lost it altogether if I presented him with something like that.’ Jude hadn’t been able to help repeating his objections when he and Emily had been finishing their drinks after the movie had ended.

‘No one cares about the timeline, they just care about the happily ever after.’ Emily had given him an exasperated look, and he’d suddenly wanted to say something to make her smile again. She was beautiful when she smiled, dimples appearing on either side of her generous mouth as her eyes lit up. But shehadn’t given him a chance to respond. ‘That’s what your editor wants you to present him with. A story where your readers can feel satisfied about the place McGuigan’s relationship has taken him to. Maybe not a happy ever after, but at least a happy for now. They might want your character to remain flawed and troubled, but they want to believe he’s at least capable of redemption and happiness. We all need to believe that about a character if we’re going to engage with them, because it’s what we need to believe about ourselves. Even at the worst times of our lives, otherwise what’s the point?’

Jude hadn’t responded straight away, her words catching him off guard. He hadn’t had the certainty of knowing there was someone he could go to about anything, and that they’d be there for him, since before his mother’s death. There’d been times when he’d wished he had a partner, someone to love and share the good times with, and to have one another’s backs in the worst times. Except all of that was just an illusion; ‘love’ only lasted as long as it suited. He’d risked it once with Mia, and he wasn’t going to be fooled twice. But he’d wanted to understand what it was that made Emily believe in the things she’d said, so that he could try to convince his readers of it too. ‘Do you really think the only point of life is love?’

‘Yes, but not just the romantic kind.’ Emily had taken a sip of her drink before continuing. ‘I think it’s important and it’s what most people want, but I can accept not everyone does. What I can’t believe is that there are people who are okay with the idea of not being loved by anyone. One of my favourite authors said that you’re no one if you’re not loved, and I think that’s true.’

‘Well, God help McGuigan then.’And God help me. Somehow Jude had kept that last part to himself, but the words had echoed in his head. Maybe that was why he was as attached to his dog as he was, because he had a very strong suspicion that Rufus was the only one who truly loved Jude. Either way, he had toacknowledge that Emily was right again. Even if he didn’t believe in the kind of love that she and Sophia peddled, he knew the majority of people did, which by default meant the majority of readers did too, and Marty had already told him what would happen if he didn’t start catering to them. It was why he and Rufus were about to set out on a third field trip with Emily, and why he was still confident that the three hundred pounds an hour he was paying her would end up being money well spent.

Jude knew that keeping a car when he lived in Central London was probably a stupid and unnecessary expense, but on days like today, when he needed to get to Richmond Park, it came into its own. He could have taken Rufus by public transport. The Labrador was laidback, and he’d probably have coped fine with the Tube part of the journey, but now that they were into the second half of November, the long run-up to Christmas was getting busier and busier, and Jude didn’t want to put him through that.

He’d offered to meet Emily in town and give her a lift out to Richmond, but she’d told him it was probably easier to meet there. He suspected it was because she found the idea of being in such close quarters with him, for what could end up being a long car journey, disconcerting. He had a brusque side that he was well aware of, and he’d seen her face change when he’d dismissed the things she was passionate about, but he couldn’t just pretend to agree with her. Since leaving home, he seemed to have lost the ability to pretend he believed in something he didn’t just to appease someone else. Maybe it was because Jude had been forced to maintain a pretence for years, when his father was married to Sandra, trying not to reveal how much heloathed her in front of his dad, and trying harder still not to let Sandra see how much her vitriol got to him.

Still, he didn’t like the fact that his inability to agree with Emily made her feel awkward. She’d proved to have invaluable insight and given him ideas to redirect his novel that he’d probably never have thought of without her. She was also what his second stepmother, Viv, would have called a ‘lovely young woman’. Viv said that a lot, about the daughters of her friends who were single and who she thought Jude might like to meet. She’d even arranged for two of them to just happen to drop in when Jude was making a duty visit to see his father. They’d been just as Viv had described – lovely – but he wasn’t interested. He didn’t want to get involved with the daughters of his stepmother’s friends, because it would get far too messy when things inevitably didn’t work out. Jude wasn’t looking for commitment; he’d tried it once and that was enough. If he told anyone that was the reason, they’d probably think Mia had broken his heart so badly that he didn’t want to risk it happening again, but they’d have been wrong.

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