Page 45 of Together Again at the Cornish Country Hospital

Lijah had offered to cook again, ready for when she got back. A curry this time, and his culinary skills had definitely come on during their time apart. He’d made an amazing tagine a few days before, and when she’d asked him where he’d got the recipe, he’d casually mentioned that a friend called Azizza had taught him to make it. Even Amy knew who Azizza was, a beautiful Moroccan singer with the kind of success that meant she only went by her first name. It was another reminder of just how far apart their worlds had become in the ten years since they were last together, and the kind of company he’d kept. Everyone had a past, Amy knew that, but Lijah’s life was like a peacock’s feather, and hers was like a pigeon’s. Why would anyone choose a pigeon over a peacock, when the world was overrun with pigeons?

Her mind was still racing by the time she reached her parents’ place, but she was determined to push all the unwanted thoughts out of her head and enjoy some time with her mum. She’d picked up some chocolate and fresh cream eclairs from the Co-op just up the road from the hospital, and some dog chews for Bernie, to make it up to him for not bringing his best buddy, Monty, to see him. Amy was looking forward to a good catch-up, a cup of tea and a cream filled pastry. Seeing her mum might be one of life’s simple pleasures, but she treasured the opportunity to do so even more these days, knowing it would have been all too easy to take Kerry for granted if she hadn’t witnessed how much losing Maria had affected Lijah.

‘Hello darling.’ Her mother hugged Amy tight the moment she arrived. ‘You look worn out. I’d say I hope they’re not working you too hard at that hospital, but I already know they are.’

‘It does seem busier than usual lately.’ Amy didn’t mention that part of that was down to journalists trying to get in to see her whenever she was on duty. Even when she wasn’t, photographs of the hospital department where she worked still seemed worth the effort of the charade for them. She didn’t tell her mother that another reason for her tiredness was because she wasn’t sleeping. And that when she woke up in the early hours, she often disappeared down an internet rabbit hole, googling things about Lijah and desperately trying to convince herself that she wasn’t setting herself up to get her heart broken all over again.

‘Come on then, let’s have a cuppa. It’s just the two of us for now. Dad’s still at work and Nathan’s gone out on his bike, so it’ll be lovely.’ Her mum linked an arm through Amy’s, giving her a conspiratorial smile. They both knew why it would be lovely without Nathan there. Sometimes Amy wanted to ask her mum how she lived with the constant spectre of her brother’s mood swings, which could change the atmosphere at any moment, and whether it affected her parents’ relationship, but she already knew it did. Nathan was like a real-life version of the people who commented on online articles, occasionally playing nicely, but more often using his words as weapons, with no concern for how that might make someone else feel. So she wasn’t sorry not to be seeing him.

Just as Amy had hoped, the first half an hour at her parents’ house had been just the tonic she needed. She’d chatted with her mum about lots of wonderfully mundane things. Kerry had told Amy all about her new job, and the school headmaster whose head moved back and forwards in a kind of pecking motion when he walked, which had earnt him the nickname Professor Chicken from some of the children.

‘Kids can be horrible, but they don’t mean any harm, at least not in this case.’ Amy’s mother poured them both another cup of tea.

‘I still feel sorry for him. I remember how relentlessly I got teased when Nathan cut my fringe while I was asleep.’ Amy gestured towards one of the framed photographs on the dresser. ‘Look at me. I look like Jim Carrey inDumb and Dumber.’

‘It was just lucky you didn’t get your eyes poked out, waking up screaming like you did when he was midway through scissoring off your fringe. I had no choice but to even it up.’ Her mother sighed. There’d been so many instances like that, and there was no point Amy asking why her parents hadn’t done more to rein in Nathan’s behaviour. It was a conversation they’d had many times before and it only made her mum and dad feel guilty. Nothing they’d tried with Nathan had any long-lasting effect and in the end they all just seemed to accept that was who he was. Kerry turned away from the photograph to look back at Amy. ‘Anyway, your hair grew back quite quickly, and he only did it because he was jealous. You were such a beautiful little girl.’

You’re the ugly duckling in reverse.Nathan’s favourite insult came back to her as it so often did, but she was saved from responding to her mother by the roar of a motorbike arriving on the driveway.

‘That sounds like Nathan now.’ Amy looked up, wondering if it would upset her mother if she made a dash for the back door before her brother walked in through the front. She just wasn’t sure she could face him.

‘I’ll just put these away.’ Amy’s mother scooped up the plates, with the tell-tale smears of chocolate and cream, almost running into the kitchen, like a guilty dieter about to be caught out. Amy didn’t have to ask what the hurry was, she knew it was because Kerry wanted Nathan to have as little ammunition as possible to comment on his sister’s weight, as he had so often before.

‘Oh, there she is, my celebrity sibling!’ Nathan came into the room, still wearing his motorbike leathers, the smile on his face looking like it had been painted on. ‘I was hoping you’d be here.’

‘It’s nice that Nathan came home early to see you, isn’t it?’ Kerry walked back into the room, the hopeful expression on her face making a lump form in Amy’s throat. Her mum wanted nothing more than to see her two children getting along, but Amy could already tell Nathan was building up to something and, less than five seconds later, he’d pulled a newspaper out of his messenger bag and slammed it down on the table.

‘Have you seen this?’ The smile on his face was stretched even wider now, making him look like the Joker, and Amy was relieved to look away from him until she saw the headline.

Lijah Byrne’s father grooming underage girls with a promise of meeting his son

Even as Amy read the words, she knew it had nothing to do with Lijah, but if she’d needed any indication that the rest of the world might not see it that way, Nathan gave it to her.

‘Makes sense now why he’s been hanging around you. You’re the perfect cover story for a paedo. Who’s going to suspect him of that if he’s supposedly back with his old girlfriend. I knew there had to be some explanation for why he was with you, when he could be with anyone.’ His laugh was high, in pitch and volume, but their mother’s shout cut straight through it.

‘Nathan, stop it!’ Kerry’s face was flushed bright scarlet, but her son was only just getting started.

‘You didn’t seriously think he was with Amy for any other reason do you? Christ, look at her, and look at the sort of women he’s dated since he left this shithole. This explains it all.’

‘I’m going now Mum.’ Amy got to her feet, and when Kerry tried to stop her, she shook her mother off as gently as she could. ‘I’m sorry, but I need to get out of here before I say something I can’t take back.’

‘Nathan, apologise now.’ Her mum looked distraught, and Amy wished with all her heart that Kerry wasn’t caught in the middle of this.

‘She’s just pissed off because she knows I’m right.’

‘Bye Mum.’ Amy planted a kiss on her mother’s cheek, not stopping to hear anything else her brother might have to say. She needed to get out of here, to find Lijah and to tell him that this latest headline proved what she’d suspected all along. It could never work between them. She knew the story wasn’t true and, as much as Nathan’s vicious words had touched a nerve he’d exposed far too many times in the past, that wasn’t the reason she was going to have to end things with Lijah. She couldn’t live like this, at the mercy of whatever lies the press wanted to print, in a goldfish bowl where the concept of privacy would be lost forever. Amy hated being the centre of attention. She’d worked so hard to create a life she was proud of and she couldn’t give that up, not even for Lijah. But she had no idea how she was ever going to be happy again if she let him go a second time.

26

Lijah’s face fell as soon as Amy walked through the door, and she knew why. The emotion was radiating out of her, like an effervescent tablet fizzing in a glass, but she had to get through this and say what needed to be said. Tears were stinging her eyes when he looked at her and she was almost gulping for air.

‘What’s wrong, have you seen the article?’ Lijah’s eyes were full of concern and all she could manage in response was a nod. ‘It’s got nothing to do with me, Ames, you have to know that.’

‘Of course I do, but you’re wrong when you say it’s got nothing to do with you.’ She’d held up a hand to silence his protests. If she let him stop her, she was going to weaken, and she couldn’t afford to do that. ‘I know you can’t control your father’s actions, that’s not what I’m talking about.’

‘What are you talking about then?’ The note of desperation in his voice made something twist in her gut, but for both of their sakes she had to keep going.

‘I’m talking about the fact that this is headline news because of who you are, and that the only reason those young girls were willing to talk to an old letch like Stewart is because he probably let them think it would get them access to you. The media are never going to stop writing articles about you and we’re never going to escape from this. I can’t even imagine what it’ll be like going in to work tomorrow, but our worlds are just too different Lijah. I love you, I really do, but I’m not meant for your world, and you’re not meant for mine either.’

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