Page 34 of Together Again at the Cornish Country Hospital

‘It seems a crime to let it sit empty.’ The cottage had the most amazing views of the harbour from almost every window at the back. It was why his mum hadn’t wanted to move somewhere bigger, or further out. She’d loved Mor Brys, it was her home and Claire was right, she was still here in every corner. But the thought of it sitting empty and quiet, without all the life his mum had brought to the place was unbearable. It wasn’t fair of him to put that on his aunt, though, and he didn’t want to do anything that might make her doubt whether she was doing the right thing. ‘We don’t have to make any decisions yet.’

‘Oh yes we do!’ Nick’s voice carried down the hallway and Lijah shook his head as he followed Claire into the kitchen. His best friend was already sitting at the table tucking in to garlic ciabatta, before the pizza had even made it to the table.

‘I might have known you’d be first in line for food.’ Lijah grinned and turned to his aunt. ‘I barely see Nick these days, because he’s in love.’

Pulling a silly face, Lijah fluttered his eyelids, earning him an eye roll from Nick. ‘I could say the same thing. Your nephew has rented a huge mansion on the cliffs, but where does he spend most of his time? Dog sitting in a tiny flat, where a certain Miss Amy Spencer lives. So if anyone is in love, I think it’s Lijah.’

‘You’re right.’ Lijah shrugged, trying to play it cool. ‘I do love Monty.’

‘Hmmm. You keep telling yourself that’s why you go and dog sit.’ Nick shook his head. ‘Tell me Claire, have you got any idea why he seems incapable of admitting his feelings?’

‘Unresolved issues with his dad?’ It was her turn to shrug and Nick laughed.

‘Your aunt is a very wise woman!’

‘We’ve been studying attachment theory on my counselling course, and what Lijah’s father did would affect anyone.’

‘You can stop talking about me like I’m not here, and hand me some of the ciabatta instead.’ It was bad enough trying not to give the game away about him and Amy, but a conversation about his father was one Lijah definitely didn’t want to get into. Not today. Not ever.

‘You can have some garlic bread in exchange for the answer to a question.’ Nick whipped the ciabatta out of Lijah’s reach as he spoke.

‘If it’s another attempt to psycho-analyse me, you can forget it.’

‘It’s not. It’s about when you’re going to be ready to restart the tour. I’m getting pressure to give the promoters an answer. Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying the break, and I won’t lie and say that spending time with Dolly hasn’t been great, but we can’t hide out here forever.’

‘The choice is yours, I can either stay here and get the next album written, or I can go on tour. I can’t do both.’ Lijah caught his old friend’s eye, and he couldn’t have lied to Nick again even if he’d wanted to; they’d known each other for far too long. It was just lucky the question Nick asked next wasn’t the one Lijah had been anticipating.

‘And tell me, how is the writing going?’ Nick didn’t break eye contact as he waited for an answer.

‘Better than it was. I’ve got about ten potential songs so far, but I can’t seem to finish any of them.’

‘Sounds like something is blocking you and I don’t think it’s losing your mum, because writing was always your solace when things were tough.’ Claire frowned, and Nick finally dropped his gaze, turning towards her and nodding.

‘I think you’re right Claire. He just needs to work out what it is that’s blocking him and do something about it.’

‘You’re doing it again, talking about me like I’m not here.’ Lijah’s tone was tight. ‘Even if I never finish the album, or go back on tour, the world’s not going to end, is it?’

‘A lot of people will be very disappointed.’ Nick sighed.

‘Everyone who earns a living out of me you mean, including you.’ Lijah regretted the words as soon as he’d said them, but before he could apologise his aunt interjected.

‘Lijah!’ Claire so rarely raised her voice, it forced him to look at her. ‘You know that’s not true, and I understand you’re having a tough time, but lashing out at the people who love you isn’t going to solve anything.’

‘It’s all right Lij, I know you don’t mean it, but whatever it is you’re struggling with, Claire’s right, you need to face up to it. Burying your head in the sand isn’t going to help, you know that as well as I do, because we were both there on the tour.’

‘I know and I’m sorry.’ Lijah leaned down and hugged his oldest friend for a moment, before turning back to his aunt and doing the same, shaking his head when he finally pulled away. ‘I just… I thought coming back here would solve everything, that I’d be able to write again and work through all the stuff I was feeling, like I have before. The tour was suffocating me, and it’s been better here, but I still can’t clear my head enough to be able to let the words flow the way they need to.’

‘I know you’re not going to want to hear this, but maybe it’s time to think about having some counselling again, sweetheart.’ Claire squeezed Lijah’s arm, and he sighed.

He hated the thought of opening up all those old wounds again, but it wasn’t just the issues with his career he needed to sort out. If he didn’t work out what he wanted to do with his life, he was going to lose Amy all over again and that was one thing he was certain he didn’t want to do. Turning to his aunt, he nodded. ‘Music has always been my therapy, but you’re right, it’s not working the way it has in the past. So maybe it is time to try something else.’

‘I think a breakthrough like that deserves a bit of garlic ciabatta.’ Nick held out the plate, whipping it away again, just as Lijah reached out for it.

‘God I hate you sometimes.’ This time when Lijah laughed it felt completely genuine, and Nick grinned in response.

‘It’s just lucky you love me the rest of the time, and deep down you know I love you too, even if you are a pain in the arse sometimes.’ Nick finally let Lijah take a piece of garlic bread and they exchanged a look that needed no words. The love between him and his old friend went way beyond music and it was a bond that meant the world to Lijah. Nick had given him the closest thing to a feeling of home in all the years he’d been away. With his mum gone and Claire leaving, he still didn’t know if Port Kara could ever truly feel like home again, but he still believed Amy held the key to that, wherever he might be. The trouble was, she seemed certain that what they had couldn’t last. If it didn’t and Nick decided to leave Port Kara too, Lijah couldn’t imagine not going with him. He’d tried so hard to play by Amy’s rules, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself from falling in love with her again, probably because he’d never really stopped. It was time to quit pretending and lay his cards on the table; he couldn’t be half in and half out of Amy’s life. It was everything or nothing, and he just hoped to God she’d choose the first option.

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