Page 22 of Together Again at the Cornish Country Hospital

‘Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Lijah Byrne?’ Or, ‘I’m sure I recognise you from somewhere, do you work in the Co-op on the high street?’

He needed to find Aidan and persuade him that no matter how difficult it might be to face the prospect of losing someone, not being there if the worst happened would be infinitely worse. Lijah knew that better than anyone.

Heading back to the hospital, he stopped at a sign pointing the way to various wards and departments. He barely knew Aidan, so how the hell was he supposed to work out which way he’d gone? Suddenly his gaze landed on two words:Hospital Chapel. That had to be worth a shot. It was where Lijah had gone when he’d got the news that his mum had collapsed. Well not exactly a hospital chapel, but the multi-faith prayer room at LAX, the airport he’d headed straight to when he’d got the call and had discovered the next plane he could get on wouldn’t leave for three hours. He’d prayed then, for the first time in as long as he could remember. He’d done it again when he’d got to Scotland, in the chapel at Broadford Hospital, but he hadn’t even known what he was praying for. His beloved mum was already gone by then and nothing could bring her back. Lijah had been desperate for something, anything, to alleviate the crushing pain of knowing he’d never hear her voice again, never be able to ask her advice, or get folded into one of her hugs that had the power to make everything feel right.

There’d been no divine intervention, but he’d been able to breathe at least and that was enough. Just breathing in and out was all he could hope for without his mother. If he could just keep going, keep working, he thought he might find a way through it. It was the moment he’d decided to press ahead with his ill-fated tour in the wake of her death, as a way of trying to avoid his grief.

Lijah’s pace quickened as he headed towards the chapel, moving too fast for anyone to speak to him, even if they did recognise him. Amy had looked devastated when Aidan had disappeared, and he’d been torn between wanting to comfort her and going after him. For once he wanted to be the one who found a way to make things better for her, rather than the other way around. Lijah had leaned on Amy often during the three years they’d been together. The only time she’d needed him in the same way had been when her father had been taken seriously ill, ironically with a heart problem, like the one that had killed his mother. The rest of the time, he’d been the one who’d always seemed to need her more.

Reaching the door of the chapel, it suddenly dawned on Lijah that he had no idea what he was going to say to Aidan, even if he was inside. How was he supposed to persuade this stranger to come with him? He had to try, for Amy’s sake as well as Aidan’s.

Going inside, he spotted Aidan straight away. He was sitting on the front pew, his head buried in his hands. Aidan was clearly desperate to be a father, and to give his child everything he could, most of all love, and now that might be denied to him. Sometimes life was so unfair.

‘Hi.’ Lijah’s voice was low as he drew level with where Aidan was sitting, but his head still jolted back in shock, his face deathly pale and his eyes red rimmed.

‘I don’t know what I’m doing here.’ Aidan’s words mirrored the thoughts that had been going through Lijah’s mind when he’d sought solace in the chapel on the day of his mother’s death. ‘I don’t even think I believe in all of this. All the church has been to me, is an axe for my father to grind, but I don’t know what else to do.’

‘Sometimes there’s nothing you can do but hope and pray, even if you’re not sure there’s anyone listening to your prayers.’ Lijah was trying desperately to find the right words to offer some comfort, and to avoid saying anything that might cause Aidan even more pain. ‘But there is something you can do this time. You can be there for Ellen, and for Jase. Whatever happens they both need you, and I think you need them too. If you’re sitting here, and the worst does happen, it won’t make it any less painful, it’ll just layer guilt on top of everything else. And if the baby comes without you being there, you’ll never get a second chance to witness those first moments, and you’ll be filled with regret, even if everything’s okay. I know it’s scary having to face what might be happening with Ellen and the baby, but there’s no upside to staying here.’

‘I can’t let Ellen see me like this. I don’t want her to think that all I’m worried about is the baby, because that’s not true, but I can’t hide the fact that the thought of losing the baby is killing me. Jase has had to be strong for me so many times in the past, but he’s going to need me now and I’m just going to let him down.’

‘Just being there is enough. I promise you the only way you’ll let him down is if you aren’t there.’

‘Do you think…?’ Aidan swallowed hard. ‘From what you saw, do you think Ellen and the baby will be okay?’

‘Her leg seemed to have taken the brunt of the impact, but she was stable by the time they brought her in. So yeah, I think they’re both going to be okay.’ He was still offering assurances he had no qualifications to make, but he knew it was what Aidan needed to hear and if it persuaded him to get back to the emergency department right now, that was all that mattered. Lijah might not be certain that Ellen and the baby would be okay, but he didn’t have a shred of doubt that Aidan needed to be there, whatever the outcome, and that he’d regret it to his dying day if he wasn’t.

‘Will you walk back with me?’ Aidan looked at him. ‘I’m not sure I trust myself to make it there otherwise.’

‘Of course I will.’ Lijah held out a hand to the man sitting in front of him, a virtual stranger he somehow felt an instant connection with, and pulled him to his feet. Aidan might be about to go through the toughest moment of his life, or he might be about to experience the greatest joy he’d ever known and finally fulfil his wish of becoming a father. Either way he wouldn’t be facing it alone, and Lijah was more certain than ever that all that really mattered in life was having someone to share the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows with. And he wanted that for himself.

* * *

‘Where’s Aidan?’ It was the first thing Jase asked when he got to the hospital. Amy’s shift had officially ended about twenty minutes after Ellen was admitted, so she was waiting for him when he arrived.

‘He freaked out when I told him about Ellen’s accident.’ Amy repeated what she’d told Meg, and Jase gave a shuddering sigh.

‘He’s not the only one.’ He clawed at the collar of his jumper, and Amy could see how terrified he was. He and Aidan were so close to fulfilling their dream, and now there was a chance it would all be snatched away. ‘I don’t know what we’ll do if we lose the baby, she’s already our whole life. I’m not sure we’ll be able to carry on.’

‘Oh Jase, it’s going to be okay.’ Amy put her arms around him. ‘They’re preparing Ellen for theatre now.’

‘I need Aidan, whatever happens.’ His eyes filled with tears as he pulled away again. ‘He doesn’t even know we’re having a girl. He wanted a surprise, but I just had to know. I couldn’t wait and I didn’t understand how Aidan could, but he said he wanted to make it even more special. The sonographer gave me an envelope and I was terrified I was going to let it slip. That’s been my main worry for months; I never dreamed that something like this would happen.’ Jase’s voice caught on the words. ‘It’s so stupid, because it doesn’t matter, all that matters is that I’ve got Aidan and our baby girl. They’re everything to me.’

‘We’re having a girl?’ Aidan’s voice behind them made Amy jump, and she sprang away from Jase, as though they’d been caught doing something underhand. Her breath quickened when she realised Lijah was with him.

‘Yes, we’re having a girl.’ Jase nodded, a sob escaping from his throat. ‘Oh God, please let her be okay, I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to her, or to you. You can’t freak out on me now, I need you.’

‘I know.’ Aidan held his arms out to his husband and the two of them clung together. They were in the eye of the storm, but they had something to cling to, and that’s what would get them through whatever happened with Ellen and the baby. It would break their hearts if they lost their daughter, but they would find a way to carry on because they had a reason to, and that reason was each other. Amy turned to look at Lijah and, as their eyes locked, her stomach somersaulted. Oh no. This was not happening. She was not letting Lijah back into the place in her heart that had never belonged to anyone else. Except it seemed she didn’t really have a choice and, when he stepped forward and reached for her hand, the somersault went into freefall. This wasn’t good, this wasn’t good at all, not if she wanted to stand a chance of protecting herself from getting hurt again. Amy just hoped it was the emotion of the moment, because she couldn’t allow this to happen. Either way now wasn’t the time to worry about it, because she needed to make sure Aidan and Jase were with Ellen.

‘You guys should get up to theatre; they’re about to take Ellen in for her C-section.’

‘Are they going to let us both in?’ Aidan gave Amy a look of pure desperation. He was always kidding around and making jokes, but he looked like a different man, his mouth turned down at the corners. All she could do was hope that within the next hour he’d have a reason to smile like he’d never smiled before.

‘Ameera said as far as anyone is concerned, you’re staff, you’re in there as a theatre assistant, which means Jase gets to be Ellen’s birthing partner, but you’re both going to miss it if you don’t get up there right now.’ Her tone was firm. She knew the urgency in her voice was probably the best way to try and counter their fear. Whatever the outcome, they both needed to be with Ellen.

‘Will you come and wait outside?’ Aidan’s face searched hers. ‘I don’t want to call anyone until we know what’s happening, but I might need you to phone around for me if?—’

It was another sentence Aidan couldn’t finish, but he didn’t have to, and Amy nodded, her hand still in Lijah’s. She knew she should have let it go, but she couldn’t, because she needed someone in that moment too. If Aidan and Jase got bad news, they’d need her, but suddenly she wasn’t sure she was strong enough unless she had Lijah’s support.

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