‘In twenty-four hours, I’ll be sipping champagne in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower with my handsome husband, and I won’t even be thinking about emptying another one of these.’ Aidan gestured towards the cardboard kidney bowl that contained things Amy didn’t want to think about too much. They’d just dressed the wound of a twelve-year-old boy, who’d gashed his leg on barbed wire after taking a shortcut home across a farmer’s field. It had been a two-person job, largely because the boy was thrashing around so much and then he’d vomited at the sight of the needle Aidan had produced to give him a tetanus injection. There was never a dull day in A&E.
‘Some of us will still be here, and if you insist on being smug, you’ll be going on my hit list with Isla. Did you see her latest Insta post? That waterfall is too beautiful to be real and she looks far too happy.’ Amy wrinkled her nose, but then she smiled. ‘I’m so glad she’s having an amazing time and that her latest test results were so great.’
‘Me too. Reuben FaceTimed us, and he was almost crying with relief. She’s not the only one who deserves a holiday though, Ames. When was the last time you had one?’
‘Zach and I went to Majorca for a week just before we split for the final time.’ Amy rolled her eyes. ‘He spent the whole week drinking so much that he couldn’t be bothered to get up in time for any of the trips I wanted to do. He just lay there on the sun lounger, slowly cooking under the heat of the sun, like a jumbo sausage, and it was all I could do not to stick a fork in him. Then there was the secrecy with his phone; he snatched it off me like his life depended on it when I tried to borrow it to take a photo. So I knew he was cheating again.’
‘The man’s a complete eejit, Amy. Can’t say I’ve ever had a holiday from hell quite like that, but they can be intense because of how much time you spend together. If things are already rocky, they can definitely help kill a relationship off.’ Aidan put both hands over his heart in an overly theatrical way. ‘Luckily I’m going with Jase, who is the best companyand we can’t wait for our babymoon.’
‘I’ve warned you about being smug and I might not be able to lay my hands on a fork right now, but I bet I can find a scalpel.’ She grinned. ‘Although seeing as you deserve it too, I’ll let it slide one more time. I can’t believe you and Jase are going to be parents in six weeks. How’s Ellen doing?’
‘She’s absolutely huge, bless her, but apparently she’s carrying a lot of water. Typical of my kid to have a taste for the high life already and demand a built-in pool.’ Aidan laughed. ‘Me and Jase thought we ought to make it up to her and her family, so we’ve rented Shell Cottage for them for the long weekend; they arrived this morning. She’s meeting me after I finish work, just for a catch up before Jase and I head off to the airport. I offered to meet her down at the cottage, but she said she wants an hour’s break from the kids after the journey. It sounds like even an hour in a car with two under-sevens is pretty stressful.’
‘I can imagine.’ Amy raised her eyebrows.
‘What about you, what are your plans for the weekend? Any chance you might be meeting up with a certain someone?’ Aidan linked his arm through hers. ‘Imagine all the amazing holidays you’d go on if you were with Lijah Byrne.’
‘There’s more chance of me winning the lottery than that. I saw photographs of him watching his last girlfriend modelling at New York fashion week. So I don’t think an A&E nurse is quite his type, although he is going to help me out with Monty. Mum’s looking after him today, but she’s starting her new job soon and Lijah has said he’ll come down and dog sit. I still can’t believe he’s actually going to turn up when the time comes, but I really hope he does.’
‘So you can lock eyes over a bowl of Winalot?’
Amy couldn’t help laughing, which was just as well because she didn’t want Aidan to know just how strong her feelings for Lijah still were. It was just nostalgia, that was all, and once his mask slipped, she’d see first hand that he was no longer that boy. As far as she was concerned, that moment couldn’t come fast enough. ‘No, I want him to turn up so I don’t have to work out what the hell to do instead. I can’t leave Monty on his own, and because everyone else keeps insisting on going on all these amazing holidays, I can’t take any time off either.’
‘But he did ask you out, didn’t he?’
‘Only because he’s here for the summer supposedly to write his next album, and bored enough to offer to dog sit. I get the feeling he’s got writer’s block and is willing to do anything to avoid confronting it. I’m sure being back here is hard for him, since he lost his mum, and he’s trying to take his mind off that too. His aunt told me that Lijah threw himself into work after Maria died, in an attempt not to think about it, but I’m not about to be his new distraction.’ Amy wasn’t sure whether she was trying to convince herself or Aidan, but every time she thought about Lijah the temptation to call him and say she’d changed her mind about going out was almost overwhelming. She had to stay strong and remember why that would be a very bad idea. ‘Anyway, I’ve met someone.’
‘You have?’ Aidan’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘Are you back online again?’
‘Uh-huh. He’s a physiotherapist.’
‘And very good with his hands I bet.’ Aidan winked.
‘We haven’t got that far yet.’ Amy pulled a face, not wanting to admit even to herself how unappealing she found the idea. ‘But he’s doing things with his life. He’s got his own place in Port Tremellien, and he’s planning to open his own practice eventually. He’s sensible, professional and he seems to want a long-term relationship, which makes him unlike most of the men I’ve dated.’
‘What about funny, sexy, kind? You haven’t mentioned any of the qualities you’re going to need in a partner, so that they stand a chance of matching up to you.’
‘Saying things like that is why I love you and forgive you for jetting off to Paris, despite the fact you’re leaving me to deal with all the overflowing kidney bowls.’ Amy planted a kiss on his cheek, before pulling away again. ‘But for now we better get on with some work, or Zahir and Esther will be on the war path.’
Lijah wasn’t the only one capable of burying himself in work to provide a distraction from the problems in his life. When Amy was busy, she could go a whole ten minutes without thinking about him, and right now she’d be willing to empty every kidney bowl in the building if it meant she could keep his return in perspective. Their worlds were a million miles apart, and this was just a flying visit. She just had to get through the next few weeks without making a total idiot of herself by falling for him all over again, and emptying a thousand kidney bowls was more appealing than that.
* * *
Lijah had taken to going on very long walks since being back in Port Kara. The crowds hadn’t yet descended in the numbers they did during the summer and, if he stuck to the clifftops and coastal paths, he could often walk for an hour or more without coming face to face with another human. After the dog attack, Nick had suggested that Lijah take it easy for a while but, despite the size of the beach house, it made him feel hemmed in. Walking had always helped him to think and, when he’d been trying to decide whether or not to move to London he’d walked miles every day. His best melodies had often come to him when he was outside, and exercise had helped him untwist the knots in lyrics when they just wouldn’t flow properly. His reason for walking so much these last few days was only partly due to the writing of his next album stalling completely. He was spending far more time thinking about life in general than he was about lyrics, and desperately trying to work out what it was he wanted to do with his life. He’d promised his aunt that he’d find a way to move forward and yet, since being here, he’d harked after the past more than ever. Suddenly he wanted to be that nineteen-year-old again, trying to make the decision about whether to leave Port Kara for London, and wanting with all his heart to choose the other path.
Maybe if he’d stayed, he’d have spotted the signs of his mother’s undiagnosed heart condition and he’d have got her the help she needed before it was too late. Maybe if he’d stayed, he and Amy would still be together and, even if he hadn’t been able to save his mother, she could have had the joy of seeing him settled, possibly even starting a family of his own. It was what she’d always wanted. ‘Don’t let what happened between me and your father put you off finding someone to share your life with. When it works, it’s amazing, just remember what your nan and granddad were like.’
A wistful smile had appeared on her face whenever she’d spoken about her parents. They’d died within about a year of each other, when Lijah was fifteen, but they’d been childhood sweethearts, together for over sixty years by the time they died, married for fifty, and still devoted to one another.
He couldn’t get Amy out of his mind and had this crazy feeling that she was the one who could fill the gap in his life that had widened even further since his mum’s passing. Deep down he knew it was because she was a link to the past and that secure foundation that had meant so much to him. Amy had been close to his mother and his aunt, and he didn’t have to worry about whether his family dynamics made sense to her, she understood them, and being around her felt so easy as a result. It might explain why all of his walks lately seemed to end up passing by St Piran’s hospital. He couldn’t try to pretend, even to himself, that it was the most picturesque part of Port Kara.
He wasn’t even sure what he was hoping to achieve by being there. Would he call out if he suddenly saw her? And, if he did, what would he say? It wasn’t like he needed an excuse to talk to her, he’d be looking after Monty soon, helping Amy’s mother to take care of the little dog while she was at work. He just wanted to talk to Amy, and tell her about his aunt’s plans to start a new life and how, as much as he was thrilled for Claire, it had left him feeling more rootless than ever.
The jokes he’d made to Nick about starting a gardening business and staying in Port Kara hadn’t been completely in jest. Maybe the gardening idea was far-fetched, he hardly knew the difference between a tulip and a daffodil after all, but he had seriously considered the idea of staying in Port Kara, and of rediscovering the happiest version of himself, the person he’d been just before he left. He’d achieved more in his career than he’d dared to dream, but it hadn’t made him happier. He’d made some friends since becoming famous, people who understood what that felt like, but he’d never been sure how genuine these friendships were, and how much of it was because his career was in the ascendence. He’d lost two of those friends in the past year due to addiction, and drug taking was a backdrop of so many of the parties he was invited to. He wasn’t an angel, but the promise he’d made his mother was always on his mind.
The trouble was, with Maria gone and his aunt about to leave, Nick and Amy were the only ones who made Port Kara feel like home. He couldn’t hold Nick’s career back, just because he’d decided to jeopardise his own, and Amy had only agreed to see him again because he was looking after Monty. If Port Kara was no longer his home, he had no idea where that left him, but for some reason he felt as though Amy held the key. She’d been the one he’d spoken to about some of the biggest decisions of his life, and she had this uncanny knack of taking her own feelings out of the equation. She must have wanted him to stay in Port Kara, but she’d urged him to leave, because she knew that was best for his career. She’d given him the proverbial kick up the arse he’d needed back then to follow his dream, instead of waiting for it to happen. Maybe that’s what he needed now, a kick from Amy to push him down the right path. Whatever the reason, the urge to see her again had brought him back to the hospital every single day.
When Lijah had pulled out of the tour, he’d cut off his trademark dark wavy hair, that had fallen almost to his shoulders. When Lijah had said he wanted to cut off all his hair, Nick had been the one to wield the clippers, despite the fact that they both knew when the press got hold of it, they’d compare it to when Britney Spears shaved off all her hair, just another symptom of what they’d already described as Lijah’s spiralling mental health crisis. Lijah didn’t care what they wrote, for him the decision to cut his hair was all about anonymity and being able to blend into the background. And it had worked to an extent.