Page 17 of Together Again at the Cornish Country Hospital

‘For both of us, and I’ve got a feeling I’m going to need your help to make sure I find a way to do it. Even if you are shacked up with the love of your life in Tenerife, and you can’t think of anything worse than having your annoying nephew hanging around, or ringing up asking for advice.’

‘I’ll always make time for my annoying nephew, I’ve been doing it for the last thirty years after all!’ It was her turn to duck out of the way, as he pretended to make a grab for her. Then she put her arms around him again, pulling him into another tight hug that was so much like the ones his mother used to give him. His aunt was planning a whole new life, one neither of them could have envisaged a year ago, and he was thrilled for her. It gave him hope that he could find a way forward too, even if that was impossible to picture right now. He really hoped so, because his decision to come back to Port Kara had felt like the only way to stop himself from drowning in the grief he’d tried so hard to suppress. Now, with his aunt moving to Tenerife, he wasn’t sure he could even call Port Kara home any more, and once she left he might have nothing at all to come back for.

* * *

Amy had given internet dating a good go after splitting up with Zach for the final time, before she’d decided never again. Her last experience had happened in the run up to Christmas, when her latest match, Aaron, had told her he wouldn’t be asking her out on a second date as he didn’t want to get into anything ‘serious’ when there were so many parties and opportunities to potentially hook up with other people. Yet now here she was, against all her better judgement, diving back into the shark-infested waters of dating again, all because of Lijah. He’d come back into her life and made it feel as if her whole world was spinning on its axis.

Reuniting with someone you’d spent so much time with in your teens, who was now a global phenomenon, had a way of throwing your own life into sharp focus, but there was more to it than that. Reminiscing with Lijah about the night they’d got together, had reminded her what it felt like to be in love and she couldn’t pretend, even to herself, that she didn’t care if she never felt that way again.

Amy had seen what a difference it made to her friends when they found someone they could share the good times with, and lean on when the going got tough. She’d thought she’d come to terms with waiting and hoping that one day it would just happen, without the aid of an algorithm, or swiping on so many profiles that she was in danger of getting RSI. Then Lijah had turned up at the hospital, and she’d remembered what it felt like to look into the eyes of someone who made it feel like butterflies were looping the loop in your stomach. She remembered, too, what it felt like to have someone you could confide in, just as the two of them had done when they were teenagers. He’d been the one person who’d been there for the good times, but every bit as ready to be leaned on when she needed him, like when her father had been ill.

It was Lijah who’d given her a taste of what it felt like to be in that kind of relationship and, deep down, she’d never stopped wanting to experience it again, no matter how grateful she was for all the good things she already had in life. Now here he was, even more beautiful than he’d been at school, when she and everyone else had been utterly convinced he was out of her league. Not only that, he’d strolled back into her life and heroically saved Monty, offering to help look after him while he recovered. No one had a right to be that amazing, especially not someone in Lijah’s position. He was supposed to be arrogant, with a massive ego, because fame had gone straight to his head. And yet as hard as she’d tried to spot those things, or tell herself they must be there somewhere, that wasn’t who he was. He was different in a far more subtle way. Famehadchanged Lijah, but she couldn’t put her finger on how. Whatever it was, it didn’t come with the arrogance she’d expected and that made if far more difficult to remember that he wasn’t still the same old Lijah she’d fallen in love with.

It wasn’t fair; he couldn’t just turn up for a summer and ask to see her, acting like they were teenagers again, before disappearing back into a world she would never be part of. It would hurt way too much. Just the memories that seeing him again had evoked had made the longing to go back to those days almost unbearable. That was why she’d had to reactivate her dating profile, and swipe right on James, a physiotherapist from Truro with a nice smile and dreams of ‘finding someone to grow old with just like his grandparents had’.

When she’d told her mother, Kerry, that James had asked to meet her for a drink, Kerry had offered to come and dog sit Monty. She’d left her watching re-runs of theGreat British Bake Offon one of the satellite channels, and shouting at the screen that no one had the time or energy to make chocolate eclairs from scratch, when you could buy a four pack from the Co-op for less than three pounds.

Opening the door to her flat, after a somewhat underwhelming date with James, the smell hit her. It was undoubtedly the aroma of a kebab and she knew what that meant, even before she heard her brother’s raucous laugh echoing down the hallway to the front door. She could just go out and turn around again, but she was tired, and she had work tomorrow. Nathan was probably cadging a lift home with their mum, so he’d just hang around until she came home anyway, which meant she might as well get it over and done with.

‘You’re early sweetheart.’ Her mother smiled as she came into the room, and Nathan cut in before she could even respond.

‘All right fat arse, I bet you got a whiff of this kebab, didn’t you, and it sent you racing back like a homing pigeon.’

‘Nathan! For God’s sake, I’ve told you before about engaging your brain before you open your mouth.’

‘Amy knows I’m only joking.’ Nathan pretended to be outraged by the suggestion that he’d spoken out of turn. ‘It’s just how we banter, isn’t it, fat arse?’

‘Yep.’ She gave him a tight smile. Years of experience had taught her that arguing with him, or showing any sign that his insults bothered her just added fuel to the fire. She sometimes wondered what would happen if she replied in kind, honing in on his insecurities, if he had any, and said, ‘Yes, that’s right, it’s just banter, you socially inept moron.’ But she didn’t, because she knew it would probably hurt her mum far more than it would hurt Nathan.

‘So how was the date?’ Kerry patted the spot on the sofa beside her, and Nathan cut in again.

‘Bet he’s halfway to Land’s End by now, ready to jump off a cliff if he thinks Amy is chasing after him.’

‘He’s already texted to ask for a second date, actually.’ As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Amy regretted them. She hated herself for trying to prove Nathan wrong. She didn’t need the validation of her date to prove she was worthy of more respect than her brother gave her, she already knew that. She knew too that Nathan was jealous of her, in a way that ate him up and made him lash out, especially when he’d been drinking, as he clearly had been tonight.

‘Did his guide dog like you, too?’ It was a joke he’d made at Amy’s expense many times before and it really didn’t bother her any more, but her mother wasn’t nearly so hardened to it.

‘Nathan, if you don’t stop this, you’ll be walking home.’ Amy’s family home, where her brother still lived, was over three miles from Port Kara and there was no way Nathan would want to walk it. He stuck out his bottom lip like the petulant child he so often appeared to be, and Amy squeezed her mum’s shoulder. She’d seen how difficult it had been for her parents over the years, with Nathan. No one had ever quite been able to determine the cause of his challenging behaviour. A personality disorder of some kind was the closest they’d had to any kind of diagnosis, but Nathan had refused to see any more specialists as soon as he was old enough to have a say. He’d struggled at school, academically and socially, and he’d resented how well Amy had done, describing nursing as ‘glorified arse wiping’ in the wake of her parents’ obvious pride when she’d completed her nursing degree. Most of the time Amy felt sorry for Nathan, but that didn’t make him any easier to be around. She felt sorrier still for her parents, especially as Nathan didn’t want to engage with the doctors who might be able to help him find a way of moderating his behaviour and mood swings.

‘They just want to give me drugs that will dull my personality.’ It had been his argument every time one of the family had suggested he seek help. Amy had been forced to clamp her mouth shut on more than one occasion, to stop herself from asking why anyone would want to persist with a personality like Nathan’s. Instead, she kept quiet, fulfilling the role of the good, reliable, kind daughter she knew her parents desperately needed, and it had become a habit.

‘Talking of dogs.’ Amy said without missing a beat. ‘How’s Monty been?’

‘Good as gold. Bernie was so gentle too, he must have sensed that his best friend was poorly.’ Kerry gave a small smile. ‘He lay down next to the crate where Monty was sleeping, poor little lamb. At least he’s getting plenty of rest.’

‘Yeah, except when I was dangling the kebab meat through the bars, that got him going.’ Nathan grinned and Amy felt her fingers twitch. She knew he was lying; Monty was in a crate for his own protection, so that he didn’t move around too much. There was no way Kerry would let Nathan dangle kebab meat through the bars, but the thought that it had even crossed his mind made Amy’s hackles rise. She couldn’t react, though, because Nathan would love it, and the only people it would upset would be Amy and her mother. She didn’t want Monty to get aggravated either, if anyone started shouting, so she took a deep breath.

‘Thanks so much for coming and sitting with him, Mum. I’ll take you out to lunch as a thank you, as soon as Monty is okay to be left alone.’

‘You don’t need to do that sweetheart, but thank you.’ Her mother leaned forward to give her a hug.

‘You know Amy, she never needs an excuse for eating.’ Nathan’s verbal barbs didn’t hurt any more because she’d heard them all so often over the years, but that hadn’t stopped them doing damage in the past. It didn’t matter how many times her parents had told her to ignore him, that it was his personality disorder talking and that nothing he said was true. She’d known the comments only hurt because they were true, at least in part. She wasn’t slim, or beautiful, she was ordinary looking and at least a clothes’ size or two bigger than most of her friends. As a teenager that had mattered a hell of a lot more than it did now, and Nathan had managed to home in on every single one of her insecurities, his words reinforcing how she already felt about herself. But she knew she was a nice person, she was kind and funny, and lots of people liked her. She had a good job too and had bought her own flat, all things Nathan would probably never achieve.

It didn’t bother Amy so much now that she was never going to be beautiful or slim, she knew she was so much more than the sum of her parts, but those old insecurities had made her who she was, and she’d worked hard to achieve everything she’d got, to prove her worth to herself as much as to anyone else. It had also made her more willing to try and see past shortcomings in others. That was why she was considering agreeing to a second date with James, despite not feeling any physical attraction towards him, and the fact he’d talked about himself for the entire date, mostly with his mouth full. There were far more important things than just the way someone looked, and maybe the other things had been down to nerves, and a desperate attempt to avoid an awkward silence. No one was perfect after all, but even as the thought popped into her head, she couldn’t help picturing Lijah. She just had to keep reminding herself that her version of Lijah didn’t exist any more, if he ever really had. The whole point of returning to dating was to provide a new focus, and to help her keep any feelings for Lijah that had resurfaced entirely to herself. Like most things in life, that was far easier in theory than it was in practice, but she had to keep trying.

By the time she’d said goodbye to her mother, and Nathan had fired off a couple more insults before disappearing in the direction of Kerry’s car, she’d decided she would give James a second chance. He might never be in Lijah’s league, but then neither was she, and she’d paid a heavy price for giving him her heart first time around. There was no way in the world she was making the same mistake twice.

12

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