Page 21 of Lessons in Love at the Cornish Country Hospital

‘You didn’t need to rush over with that. We’re meeting up at Mum’s on Saturday, aren’t we? It could definitely have waited until then.’ Louise was already eyeing her up suspiciously when she opened the door to find Wendy standing there clutching the large Pyrex dish.

‘You really know how to make a girl feel welcome.’

‘Don’t be daft, you’re always welcome.’ Louise stepped aside for her sister to come in. ‘But why do I get the feeling that the reason you’re here has nothing to do with returning a dish?’

‘I don’t know, whydoyou get that feeling?’ Wendy’s eyes met her sister’s for a moment, and Louise shrugged.

‘Because you look like you’ve been awake half the night worrying about something; your eyes are red rimmed and your cheeks are all blotchy.’

‘Maybe I should just book into your place and have myself put down.’ Louise worked as a veterinary nurse at a practice on the coast road that led towards Port Tremellien, but she should have been a mind reader.

‘Or you could just tell me what’s bothering you, and what you think you might have done to mess things up with Gary.’

Wendy shouldn’t have been surprised; her sister had always been able to see right through her. As soon as Louise ushered her into the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine, it all started flooding out. By the time Louise put a coffee in front of her, Wendy had recounted the whole sorry tale and her sister was giving her another appraising look.

‘So you think you’re grieving for this amazing life you were going to have with Mike, one that was going to be just like Mum and Dad’s?’

‘Well maybe not amazing, but at least it would have been neat. A family with a husband and wife, a couple of kids, and no cobbled-together extension that I didn’t ask for, tacked on to the side of it.’ It was the only way Wendy could explain it. She’d described her version of the picket-fence lifestyle she’d envisioned, with 2.4 children, but Louise was already wrinkling her nose.

‘There was a slight flaw in that plan though, wasn’t there? Mike was already erecting extensions, or at least erecting something, all over the place, when you were supposed to be thisneat little family. What Mum and Dad have is built on nearly sixty years of togetherness, and continuing to choose to be together because they make each other happy. You andMike didn’t do that. And, yes, he might have been the one who cheated, but I want you to look me in the eye and tell me honestly that he made you as happy as Gary does. And that you wanted to spend time with him, the same way you do with Gary.’

‘I wanted us to spend time as family and?—’

Louise held up her hand, cutting her sister off. ‘No! I’m not talking about what you wanted for thegirls, I’m talking about what you wanted foryou. I don’t think it was Mike; I’m not sure it ever was. He made you feel bad about yourself and criticised you all the time, doing whatever he wanted while you picked up the slack. I’ll never understand why you put up with it for so long and, even when you first got together, you never lit up around him like you do with Gary. I mean sometimes it makes me want to throw up.’ Louise laughed. ‘But it also makes me incredibly happy to see you like that. I used to laugh when we were teenagers and you told me he was the only boy you were ever going to love and that all you wanted to do was marry him one day. I thought you were wrong, but you weren’t. He’s still the only man you’ve ever really loved, isn’t he? And you still want to marry him, don’t you?’

‘Yes.’

‘So what the hell are you playing at?’

‘I’ve got no idea. I just want Gary to come home, even though I still feel bad for the girls that things with their dad have come to this. I should have known Mike wasn’t up to the job of fatherhood.’ It was a relief to admit it, even to herself, but she still couldn’t shake the nagging guilt that she’d built her daughter’s lives around a relationship that her heart had never been in, in quite the same way as it was in this one. She would never regret having a relationship with Mike, because without him she wouldn’t have the girls, but as irrational as it was, she still wished she’d given them a different father. Things would have been so much better if Gary had been their father, but she’dsaddled her children with a dad who only really cared about himself. And she couldn’t help wondering if part of the fault for that lay with her. Maybe if she had loved Mike with the same intensity she loved Gary, he might have been able to focus on someone other than himself, and that was why she felt guilty, but Louise had seen right through her once again.

‘Quite frankly it’s a miracle in a world full of chance meetings that you found Gary at all, and what you feel for him is something an awful lot of people don’t get to experience in their lives. So don’t you even for a minute feel guilty because the one man you’ve ever truly loved turned out not to be your children’s father. The girls are happy, they love Gary, and they clearly love Chloe too. The new people who’ve been brought into their lives as a result of the divorce are just a bonus as far as they’re concerned. So you can stop beating yourself up about it and start enjoying it.’

‘I want to, more than anything, but I seem to be intent on spoiling what we’ve got, by being jealous of Chloe.’

‘Because she’s with Mike?’ Louise sounded as if it was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard. ‘You should feel sorry for her.’

‘I do, but I hate the fact the girls love her so much and, before you say, I know that’s stupid and that I should be grateful she’s so kind to them. Even I can see she’s a lovely person, but I just can’t seem to get used to the idea of sharing them. Chloe has really helped with some issues with Zara, and I thought I’d turned a corner as a result and started to adjust. But the girls seem to want to spend all their time with her and it really hurts. I wish it didn’t, but it does. That’s why I’ve been harking after the neat little family that never even existed. It’s got nothing to do with wanting Mike back.’ It was true, she knew that without a shadow of a doubt now, because the news from the girls thatMike and Chloe were engaged hadn’t bothered her a bit, in the wake of Gary leaving. All she wanted was for him to come home.

‘And you think that’s something worth sabotaging your relationship with Gary for?’ Before Wendy even had the chance to answer, Louise shook her head. ‘First off, all kids of the girls’ age want to pull away from their parents in one way or another. There’s nothing remotely unusual about that. Secondly, you said yourself that the family you’re grieving for never even existed, so let it go and be thankful that the girls are surrounded by people who care for them, despite the fact there are no biological ties. No one can have too many people who love them, and it’s not a competition. Just because they love Chloe, it doesn’t mean they love you less. Any more than them thinking Gary is amazing affects their feelings for you. Did the love you had for Alice diminish because of how much you loved Zara once she was born?’

Louise finally hesitated long enough for Wendy to answer. ‘Of course not.’

‘Well this is exactly the same.’

‘How did you get to be the sensible one out of the two of us?’ Wendy smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She’d been such an idiot, and she was terrified of just how much her stupidity might have cost her.

‘I always have been. You just need to listen to me more.’ Louise put an arm around her sister’s waist. ‘You can still put this right.’

‘What if it’s too late, and Gary doesn’t want to come back?’ Even saying the words out loud was like a kick in the stomach.

‘Just bloody well tell him you’ve never loved anyone the way you love him, because it’s obvious he feels the same way about you. Or even better, find a way to show him. Strip naked and invite him to come and ravage you, whatever it takes.’ Louise was starting to sound like Gwen’s apprentice, but Wendy had abetter idea, one she hoped might just work. She was going to have to go to her parents’ house first and hope to God that their tendency for hoarding hadn’t diminished over the years, because she needed all the help she could get to make things up to Gary, after the way she’d been behaving.

The text Wendy had sent Gary had been simple:

I’m so sorry for yesterday, if you get this message, please meet me by our cave, at Ocean Cove, at four o’clock xx

She’d looked at her watch approximately every ten seconds since she’d arrived at about half past three. She didn’t want there to be any chance of him arriving before her, but if he was more than fifteen minutes late they’d run out of time for her to say what she needed to say. The tide came in quickly at Ocean Cove, and far too many people had been cut off by the water over the years, and had needed to be rescued. But it wasn’t just the threat of the incoming tide that was making her obsessively check her watch, it was the fear that he might not turn up at all.

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