‘May.’ Leaning forward, he kissed his sister on the cheek, wanting to laugh and cry at the same time. It was too complicated and not an offer he and Jase would ever want to take up, because of the potential for things to go wrong. But an overwhelming rush of affection for May washed over him all the same; she’d clearly meant every word. He didn’t want to burden her with the worry that he and Jase were shouldering since Isla’s screening results, and, she didn’t need to know there might be a good chance that they were back to square one. All they were focusing on for now was making sure their friend had the support she needed, but he could at least help May to understand why they could never take up her offer. ‘Have you talked to Jack about this? And how it’s going to affect him and the kids? Not to mention what Da would say.’

‘I don’t give a shite what Da says, and Jack and the kids will understand. I need to do this for you, to make up for letting you down so badly before.’

‘No you don’t, but I love you so much for offering. We’ve thought about what we want, and we need the surrogate to be someone who’s done this before and knows what they’re getting themselves in to, emotionally and physically. I couldn’t risk putting you through that, I just want you to be the best auntie you can be.’

‘Just try stopping me!’ May pulled her hand away and threw her arms around him. The tears she was crying this time were almost certainly the happy kind, and she wasn’t the only one. Aidan wanted to hold on to the moment forever, and he wasn’t going to let his father spoil it. Sean would never give him the acceptance he craved, no matter how hard the rest of the family tried to convince him that his behaviour was wrong. But Aidanhad already been given the moon, so it would have been greedy to ask for the stars too, and he’d got really good over the years at being grateful for all the things he did have. He had no intention of reaching for the stars, or reaching out to his father, ever again. He’d been hurt once too often, and he was finally ready to let go of the last grain of hope that his father would ever accept him for who he was.

‘I can’t believe she was in Cornwall for three hours!’ Jase sounded every bit as incredulous as Aidan had, when May had explained she was flying back to Ireland that evening.

‘I know, and when I asked her what she would have done if I hadn’t been on nights and I’d already been at work when she arrived, she admitted she hadn’t even thought about it.’ Aidan laughed, still barely able to believe that his sister had got on a plane, having booked another one back to Ireland, just hours later, because she had to be home for a concert at her son’s nursery school the next day. Seeing her off had been such a rush and Aidan had been forced to wait until his break at work to call Jase, and explain everything May had told him. ‘She said she just needed to talk to me face to face.’

‘I can understand that, and I’m really glad she did. I’m just sorry I missed her.’

‘Oh, don’t worry, she’s already said she’s coming back with Jack and the kids in the school holidays. Now she’s seen the house, she knows we’ve got three spare rooms!’

‘Two spare rooms and a nursery.’ Aidan could hear the longing in Jase’s voice.

‘Two spare rooms and a nursery.’ He repeated the words, as if putting them out into the universe somehow made itmore real. With everything that was going on with Isla, it felt more uncertain than ever in some ways, but they had to keep believing. ‘I wish I could come home now.’

‘Me too, but, as we’re both off tomorrow, I’ll take you out for breakfast in the morning. That’s if you can stay awake.’ It was Jase’s turn to laugh. ‘I know you find the transition from nights much harder now that you’re knocking on a bit, and I’m starting to realise that a fry up is the best way to combat those mood swings.’

‘Have you forgotten you’re older than me? You’re just lucky I can’t resist the offer of a free breakfast, otherwise we might never have ended up together!’ Aidan could imagine the smile on his husband’s face, matching his own; the yearning to be with Jase was every bit as strong as it had been in the early days of their relationship.

‘I’ll see you for breakfast then, I love you.’

‘I love you too.’ As Aidan reluctantly ended the call, the same warm feeling that May’s offer had brought enveloped him again. He was loved for exactly who he was, by the person who meant the most in the world to him, and that made him the luckiest person he knew.

16

Two days after Isla’s extra blood tests, instead of getting her expected results, she’d been asked to go for a lumbar puncture and Aidan had gone with her. Thankfully it hadn’t been painful, but the drip, drip, drip of fear that all these tests could only lead to one outcome meant she was incredibly grateful that someone was there with her. At first it had seemed impossible that something of that magnitude could be going on inside her body without her knowing it. The tiredness and weight loss had seemed such minor symptoms, a side effect of everyday life, and it wasn’t like things had been plain sailing lately. The switch between night shifts and days had definitely become harder, but there was a lot going on with the news about her mother’s DVT, and the shock that Sarah Vardy had been diagnosed with a brain tumour after a recent visit to A&E, before her seizures had started. She’d been referred for an MRI, as much to placate her as anything else, and the brain tumour had been discovered then, two weeks before she’d collapsed in the hospital shop. Despite witnessing Sarah’s seizure, it had still seemed impossible to Isla that her patient would ever be diagnosed with cancer, when Sarah had falsely suspected it so many times, butnow she had the thing she feared the most. All of that made it far easier for Isla to believe she had cancer too, but the results of the lumbar puncture would confirm it.

‘You’re not going for the results on your own.’ Aidan hadn’t given Isla any opportunity to protest, even when she’d pointed out that he was due to be on shift.

‘I’ve already swapped with Amy.’ He’d folded his arms across his chest at that point and she’d known there was no point in arguing with him, and the truth was she didn’t want to. Aidan felt like the big brother she’d never had, and she’d seen time and again how caring he was with patients, so it wasn’t that much of a surprise that he’d turned out to be as protective of her as he was. What had shocked her more, was how much support Reuben seemed to want to offer her too. In the week since she’d told him about the screening results, there were fresh flowers every day, which he’d claimed were more leftovers from his new venture, lots of fruit, and other lovely things from his shop, which had tempted her to eat, even on the days she hadn’t felt like it. He’d sent her silly cracker-style jokes too, which had made her laugh, even when she hadn’t felt like that either.What do frogs wear on their feet? Open toad sandals. That had been one of her favourites, and if her laughter was teetering on the hysterical the night before she was due to get the result of her lumbar puncture, at least she’d been laughing.

Aidan had picked Isla up from home and driven them both to the hospital, a place so familiar it was like a second home to them. Only this time she’d felt nervous as she’d walked through the doors, and turned in the opposite direction to A&E. It wasn’t aroutine day at work, no matter how much she tried to convince herself that it was.

Handing her letter over at the desk, the administrator pulled a face. ‘I’m afraid Dr Yang’s clinic is running over an hour late at the moment, so you’re going to have a bit of a wait.’

‘Maybe I should just make another appointment?’ Isla had been counting on going straight in and getting the news over and done with as soon as possible. Having to wait around had never factored into her plans and fight or flight was already kicking in. But Aidan had put his hand on her arm before she could even try to turn away from the desk.

‘No chance. We’re seeing her today and then we can make a plan. Worrying ourselves sick about this until you can get another appointment isn’t going to help.’ Maybe it should have been odd, the way he was talking about ‘us’ and ‘we’, but it wasn’t. It helped to know he was concerned about the outcome too, and she was certain it wasn’t just because of the egg donation. She could see in his eyes that he really cared, and she was more convinced than ever that Aidan was going to make a great dad.

Isla scanned the faces of the other people waiting. There were four clinics running from the same waiting area, so not everyone had an appointment with Dr Yang. She’d been relieved to be referred to a consultant haematologist, rather than an oncologist in The Thornhill Centre, but a quick bit of googling had revealed that didn’t mean it wasn’t cancer. It meant she’d already known that leukaemia was still a possibility, even before she’d seen patients who were clearly in the midst of chemotherapy. Almost unconsciously, she reached up to touch her hair, unable to stop herself from wondering if she was going to lose it. The idea shouldn’t have bothered her as much as it did, as long as she could be treated, but she couldn’t stop her thoughts from going there. Aidan was right, she needed to know what she was facing,but time seemed to be passing unbearably slowly. An hour after her original appointment was supposed to have started, she wasn’t the only one constantly glancing at her watch. Aidan’s phone had pinged three times in the last five minutes too.

‘If you need to be somewhere, I’ll be okay on my own. I promise.’ Isla dropped her left hand down by the side of the chair, so he wouldn’t be able to see that she’d crossed her fingers.

‘The only somewhere I need to be is here. Got it?’ Aidan held her gaze until she nodded. ‘And I’m putting this bloody phone on silent.’

‘Isla Marlowe?’ The woman who’d called her name wasn’t Dr Yang, but Isla still caught her breath as she stood up. This was it, she was about to find out whether she had leukaemia, and suddenly it felt as if she’d forgotten how to walk.

‘It’s going to be okay.’ Aidan linked his arm through hers and propelled her forward, following the woman who’d called her name into one of the consulting rooms.

‘Hi there, good to see you again, Isla.’ Dr Yang smiled broadly as they entered the room, and gestured towards the woman who’d showed them in. ‘This is Vanessa, one of the nurses from The Thornberry Centre, and I see you’ve brought someone with you today.’

‘Aidan’s my friend.’ Even to her own ears Isla’s words sounded like the statement of a five-year-old, but it was all she could manage as her heart hammered against her rib cage. A nurse from the oncology centre had come along to the appointment, and even a five-year-old could have worked that one out.

‘Nice to meet you, Aidan, I’m Dr Yang. I’m sure I recognise you from somewhere?’