‘Darcy’s lucky to have you.’ An unreadable expression crossed Danni’s face and Connie found herself wondering, not for the first time, why such a busy young woman would want to take the time out to keep visiting her. She was grateful for it, but there must have been better things Danni could have been doing with her time.
‘I’m the one who’s lucky to have her in my life. I didn’t think I’d ever get to be involved in raising a child, even from the sidelines.’ Connie would never stop being grateful to Janice and Peter for their support, and even after all this time, she was certain she’d made the right decision. But with Darcy about to have a baby of her own, it suddenly felt as if the secrets from almost forty years ago were desperately trying to bubble to the surface. It was time to tell the truth, but, being stuck in this hospital bed, she couldn’t do it alone. ‘I need your help with something.’
‘Of course.’ Danni was immediately up on her feet. ‘Do you want me to help you move into a more comfortable position?’
‘No, it’s not that. I need you to take the new letter I’ve written to Richard.’ Connie had thought long and hard about all the options there were for getting in touch with Richard and, if she couldn’t see him face to face, she was certain now that this was the best way. ‘I know I could email or message him online, but he needs to see my handwriting to know it’s true. I might be flattering myself to think he’ll remember what my writing looks like almost four decades later, but I’d never have forgotten his from the notes we wrote each other when we were together, even if he hadn’t sent me all those letters afterwards. There’s a photograph in the envelope too and I need him to see that when he reads the letter. Downloading it from an email just won’t be the same. Please, I know it’s asking a lot, but I can’t do much stuck here and they keep delaying my discharge to rehab, because they’re not happy with my scans. I could ask Gwen. She’s lovely and I know she’d do it, but—’
‘But she’ll get too involved?’ Danni had read Connie’s mind, and she tilted her head. ‘Of course I’ll do it, but you’ve got to be really sure because once this secret is out, there’ll be no way of hiding it again. Not for you, not for Richard and not for Darcy.’
‘I know, and I owe it to Darcy to tell her the truth myself, but I want Richard to know first. He’s the one the secret has been kept from for the longest.’
‘I hope it works out for you; it mut be a really hard to…’ Connie didn’t hear the rest of what Danni was saying, because the whole world had stopped. Or at least it would have done, if a man hadn’t been walking towards her bed.
‘Oh my God.’ She recognised the only man she’d ever been in love with instantly; he’d hardly changed a bit, but it couldn’t be him, almost forty years had passed. She said his name out loud all the same. ‘Richard?’
‘It might have been that once, but my name’s Charlie now.’ The man towering above her bed suddenly smiled, the dimple in his right cheek exactly like her own. ‘Hello, Mum.’
13
‘I should go.’ Danni’s face was the perfect mirror for the shock that had taken Connie’s breath away. She’d known this moment was coming as soon as she’d got the email from Darcy, three weeks before.
Hey, Auntie Cee! Your little great nephew is kicking the hell out of my womb and I’ve not been sleeping very well. I was online at 4a.m. this morning when an email came through from that DNA ancestry website I joined. It says I’ve got a first cousin match! Looks like that disappearing dad you and Mum had must have had some other children. All those years of me begging you to have a baby when I was younger, so I’d at least get a cousin if I couldn’t have a sibling, and it looks like I’ve had one out there all along!!! He wants to get in touch and I’m going to do it as soon as bubs is here. I don’t want to arrange a meet-up with my new cousin while there’s a very real danger of me wetting myself if he makes me laugh ??. Hope that’s okay with you? How exciting, you’ve got a nephew! Xx
Even without all the exclamations and emojis, Darcy’s excitement had been palpable. Connie had needed to act straight away and get to Cornwall, to try and track Richard down before their son somehow managed that too. For all she knew, Richard might have been registered on the same DNA website, but even if he wasn’t, there’d been less than two months until Darcy’s baby was due to find Richard and tell him, before her niece. Richard had a right to know first.
It would have been impossible to put Darcy off from contacting her cousin for any longer than that, and she wouldn’t have wanted to. Her niece had already lost both parents and theirs was such a tiny family – she needed every member of it she could find. Otherwise, when Connie was gone, there’d be no one left on her mother’s side. Finding the baby she’d named Saul had been something she’d only dared dream of, but had longed for all the same. When she’d let him go, Connie had made a promise to herself that she’d wait until he came looking for her – if he ever did – rather than trying to find him first. She’d chosen the name Saul because it meant ‘borrowed’, and that was all he’d ever been to her, a precious gift, borrowed for the time that had ticked by far too quickly until he’d been taken away. Yet now he was standing in front of her, in the flesh, all grown up and well over six feet tall. He bore no resemblance to the tiny newborn she’d held in her arms, yet she knew for certain it was him.
‘Don’t go, please.’ Connie reached out a hand towards Danni. She had no idea how this man, her son, who called himself Charlie, was going to react to finally meeting her, but she needed a friend.
‘You don’t need to leave on my account.’ Charlie smiled again and for the first time she noticed that, as much as he looked like Richard had all those years ago, his eyes were exactly like her sister, Janice’s. They were the same almost sky-blue colour, and even the same shape. And suddenly it felt like Janice was in the room too, willing this to work out the way she would have wanted it to.
‘At least take my chair.’ Danni moved to stand up, but Charlie shook his head.
‘There’s another one over there. I’ll go and grab it, if you don’t mind?’ He looked at Connie and it was all she could do to nod. Part of her wanted to reach out and grab him, to make sure he was real, to hold on and never let go. But this had to be at his pace, and she needed to protect herself too. He might just be curious and want one meeting and nothing else, even if she was already praying that wouldn’t be the case.
‘Have you spoken to Darcy?’ Connie was still struggling to breathe and speak at the same time, but she had to know how much her niece had been told.
‘Not in person, no. She replied to my message about our DNA match, saying she wanted to meet up after she’s had the baby. But she told me who she was and who you were, explaining that I must be related to your father, who walked out when you were a baby.’ If Charlie saw the irony in that, there was no trace of bitterness in his voice. ‘But all the time I was growing up, when I’d blow the candles out on my birthday cake, Mum would tell me to make a wish for Connie too, because you’d made her biggest wish come true when you’d allowed her to adopt me. So I always knew my birth mother’s name was Connie. As soon as I read your name in Darcy’s email, I realised it was you. But it was obvious Darcy had no idea, and I wasn’t about to be the one to tell her. Instead, I dug around a bit on Facebook and found you via Darcy’s profile. Having a surname as unusual as Berrycloth made it easier to search for information. I kept going online every few days, wondering if I should drop you a message, but then your name came up in an online article about the bus crash, and I didn’t want to wait any more. I’m sorry to turn up like this; I just didn’t want to be one of those people you read about, who finally decide to track down their birth parents only to find out they’re too late.’
‘I’m not going anywhere. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.’ Connie smiled for the first time and if she hadn’t had such a terrible singing voice, she might even have broken into song. There was so much joy bursting inside her, now that her son was within touching distance after so long. Not even the fear of what would happen when he found his father didn’t know he existed could dampen her happiness in that moment. Something primeval inside her had loved Charlie for all these years, throughout their absence in one another’s lives, but even though she’d only just met him, she already liked him too. This earnest man, who was clearly more worried about everyone else’s feelings than his own, reminded her so much of everything she’d loved about his father. And she needed him to know just how much it meant to her to see him again. ‘I’m glad you’re here. You might not believe it, but I’ve dreamt of this moment from the day I had to say goodbye to you.’
‘I’ve got to admit you weren’t what I was expecting.’ There was still a complete absence of bitterness in Charlie’s voice, but curiosity was written all over his face. ‘I thought maybe you’d been really young when you had me and that’s why you chose adoption, but your profile at the university said you’ve been teaching for over forty years, since before I was even born.’
‘It wasn’t an easy decision, but your father…’ Connie trailed off. She couldn’t lay any of the blame at Richard’s door when he hadn’t even known about Charlie’s existence. It had all seemed so black and white back then. Having the baby adopted was the best thing for everyone, except Connie, and her pain was the price she’d had to pay for keeping the whole thing secret. But she couldn’t tell Charlie the whole story, not until Richard at least knew there was a story to tell.
‘I promise I will tell you everything, but I just need a little bit more time.’ Connie glanced at Danni, who gave the tiniest nod of her head. ‘I need to speak to Darcy and to your biological father, and then I’ll answer whatever questions you have. Talking to him first is the only reason I didn’t contact you as soon as Darcy told me there was a DNA match online. Just give me a few more days, please.’
‘I’ve waited thirty-seven years, so a few more days can’t hurt.’ He smiled again and something in Connie’s chest twisted. The urge to take her son in her arms was almost as overpowering as the urge to hold on to him tightly, and never let go, had been on the day she’d handed him over.
‘As a doctor, I can promise you she won’t be running off anywhere, anytime soon.’ Danni squeezed Connie’s hand. ‘But thankfully she’s going to recover from all of her injuries with time.’
‘I’m more grateful for that than you’ll ever know.’ Either Charlie was the most fantastic actor in the world, or the most forgiving person. But then perhaps there was nothing to forgive. Connie hoped with all her heart that was true, but she had to know.
‘Were you happy growing up? Was it the right decision?’
Even before Charlie answered, his eyes lit up, and Connie felt a wave of relief wash over her entire body. ‘I had the best childhood you could hope for and so much love. Mum’s an artist and Dad’s a music teacher. The house was always full of creative people and so I guess it’s no surprise I ended up being a writer. Mum taught me a lot too, so when I wrote my first children’s book, I was able to illustrate it myself. I’m sure that helped get me a publishing deal and now I get to make stuff up for a living. It means I can base myself anywhere, so Maggie and I have rented a cottage in Port Kara for the next six weeks. I thought it would give you and me an opportunity to get to know one another properly, and I can be around to help out while you recover. But, if things don’t work out between us, that’s okay too. I’m not looking to fill a gap in my life, because there’s never been one. It just struck me that I write stories for a living, but I don’t know my own. So, what do you think, shall we give getting to know one another a shot?’
‘I’d like that and I’m so glad you’ve had such a lovely childhood.’ Even the tiny sliver of jealousy that had snaked its way into Connie’s heart couldn’t temper her happiness at knowing that Charlie’s adoption had been so positive. She could have asked a thousand more questions and no doubt they would come from both sides, but for now it was just enough that he was here. Stealing another glance at the son she thought she’d lost forever, she crossed one finger over the other beneath the bedsheet that was stretched across her chest. She trusted Danni to do what she’d asked, and deliver the letter. She just had to hope and pray that Richard would be willing to talk once he’d read what she had to say.