Page 23 of Welcome to the Cornish Country Hospital

‘You know you can always talk to me, don’t you?’ Lucas’s fingertips were still brushing against her skin; if he trailed them even an inch lower she wasn’t sure she’d be able to stop herself from reacting in the way her body was already begging her to do. Instead, she jerked away, pretending to reach up for a box of chocolates on the top shelf.

‘Thank you.’

‘Something’s up; I know you. And, whatever it is, eating your body weight in chocolate isn’t the answer.’ Lucas looked at her. ‘You know you can tell me anything, don’t you? If I hadn’t had you to talk to sometimes about Mum and Dad, I think I might have had to give up medicine altogether. Do you remember that patient who looked so like my mum that I almost convinced myself she’d faked her own death?’

Lucas was laughing, but Danni knew it had taken him a long time to be able to see the funny side of that situation. It had been over twelve years since his mother’s death at that point, but his grief had still seemed so raw. Getting him through that and talking to him into the early hours of the morning, when she should have been studying, was just one more thing that had bonded them together. So she knew she really could tell him anything. Except one thing.

‘The couple you barged in on, in the cubicle, they were having a baby. It was all a bit of a surprise, but it got me thinking that it’s what I want. A family of my own. I know it won’t change the fact that Dad died, and Mum skipped out on family life, but I still want a second chance to have one. Sometimes I think I’ve wasted all this time, when I should have been focusing on that.’

‘Building your career isn’t wasting time.’ He held her gaze for what felt like an agonisingly long moment. ‘And neither is building a friendship like ours. I need you, Danni; I always have and I always will.’

‘I keep wondering what happened to them. I was thinking of taking some different chocolates to the maternity unit, to see how they’re getting on.’ Danni had to change the subject, because they were right back on the dangerous ground they’d been on before she’d left London. Maybe Joe was right, maybe they really were co-dependent. Lucas needed her to fill a gap in his life, and she desperately wanted to be wanted, the way her mother had never wanted her and Joe.

‘Rumour has it he’d had a vasectomy, so no wonder it was a shock.’ Lucas raised his eyebrows. No one but Danni had been in the cubicle when Roxy had spoken about that, but she’d been very upset and quite loud, so almost anyone walking through the department could have overheard and passed the gossip on. But she hated the thought that Roxy’s fear was being turned into entertainment for other people. The fact Lucas had clearly been involved in spreading that rumour made her feel nauseous, because it meant Aidan might not have been so wrong about him after all.

‘It was, but he never doubted her. It was obvious she was telling the truth.’ Danni felt almost defensive of Roxy, her scalp prickling at the idea that she was the current topic of hospital gossip.

‘I don’t think I could ever trust anyone that much.’

‘Not even Esther?’ Danni waited for his answer, and he fixed his eyes on hers again as he spoke.

‘Not even myself.’

Catching her breath, Danni forced herself to turn away. Her head was aching from the effort of trying to work out what was going on. She’d been so sure she knew the real Lucas, and that she might be the only person who really did, but now she was starting to doubt her ability to tell what was real and what was a game. Despite all that, there were still moments when it was like the rest of the world had disappeared when they were together. But whatever was really going on, she wanted it to stop. ‘I’d better get a card to go with the chocolates, I suppose. You can’t congratulate people on becoming new parents without giving them a card.’

‘I don’t suppose you can.’ Lucas didn’t move to touch her again, but he stepped closer as he lowered his voice. ‘You know where I am if you need to talk. Anytime, about anything.’

Keeping her eyes firmly fixed on the cards until Lucas had paid for his coffee and left, Danni finally let go of a long breath. Selecting a gender-neutral congratulations card, she took the armful of chocolate she was now carrying over to the counter, where Gwen was waiting.

‘I’m off to see Connie.’ She smiled at the older woman, who returned the gesture.

‘She’ll be glad to see you, and it’ll be good for you to talk to someone too. Someone who might be able to give you a bit of useful advice.’

‘About what?’

‘About how to avoid getting your heart broken, and how to avoid breaking someone else’s heart, especially if that someone else is a person you love.’ The look Gwen gave her was so knowing, there was no doubt who she was talking about, even before she spoke again. ‘Be careful of him, Danni; he’s not worth losing your best friend over.’

The insight that this woman, who barely knew her, had into Danni’s life knocked the air out of her lungs for a moment, but the brutal truth had the power to do that. She couldn’t risk losing Esther; it was what had given her the strength to push Lucas away every time he’d given her the opportunity to take things between them to another level. But if the situation was obvious to Gwen, there was every chance Esther might see it too, and be the one to walk away from their friendship. Danni couldn’t let that happen, whatever she had to sacrifice to prevent it.

‘I’ll give Connie your love.’ Trying desperately to adopt a neutral expression, she touched her debit card against the scanner to pay, and scooped the chocolates up with the haste of a contestant onSupermarket Sweep. She had to get out of there as soon as she could and, if things didn’t change soon, she had a horrible feeling she was going to have to leave St Piran’s even sooner than she’d feared.

* * *

‘Maltesers? Did Gwen tell you they’re my favourite?’ Connie’s stomach was already rumbling at the sight of the bag of chocolate that Danni had just placed on her bedside cabinet. The hospital meals weren’t quite as bad as their reputation, but the consistency of most of the dinners reminded her of baby food. Last night’s had been shepherd’s pie slopped onto the plate, with the morsels of meat impossible to find amongst the mash and gravy, even if it did taste okay as long as you closed your eyes. She remembered feeding Darcy stuff that looked similar, sometimes out of a jar, and sometimes homemade by Connie’s sister, Janice. Darcy had been an expert at projecting rejected mashed potato across the width of the room when the mood took her, but Connie had always enjoyed feeding her nonetheless. It was a privilege she never thought she’d get when she’d made the decision to give her baby up.

At the time it had felt less like a decision and more of a necessity. Connie and Janice had grown up without a father around, and with a mother who was forced to work two jobs just to keep a roof over their heads. She’d worked so hard that her daughters had more or less had to bring themselves up, and she had drummed into them that education was their way out of the same poverty trap she’d been caught in. She’d been so proud of Connie’s qualifications and her becoming a lecturer. One comfort from her mother’s death was that she’d never known about the pregnancy. Connie had breastfed her newborn baby, despite the toe-curling pain, and the even more excruciating fear that it would make the bond between them even stronger than it had been when she’d first looked down at her baby’s face. In that first moment, she’d known she had to make sure the baby had the chance of a childhood different to her own. Janice and her husband, Peter, had thought so too, and it had all been agreed before Connie had even had the chance to consider changing her mind.

‘No, Gwen didn’t mention it.’ Danni smiled. ‘It was just a lucky guess, but surely everyone loves Maltesers?’

‘My niece, Darcy, does. Always has, but she tells me she’s craving them even more now she’s pregnant. I couldn’t get enough chocolate when I was pregnant either, so she takes after me for that.’

‘It sounds like the two of you have got a lovely relationship.’ Danni sat down next to the bed and Connie couldn’t help noticing how tired the younger woman looked, as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

‘We’ve always been close, but even more so since her parents died. My brother-in-law, Peter, was fifteen years older than my sister and I always used to tease her that she chose him because our dad was never around, but I knew it wasn’t true. They were one of those couples who were made for each other.’ Connie sighed. ‘With the age gap, none of us ever expected her to go first. She got sepsis and it was all so quick. Peter was like a shadow of himself, and I think he only hung on for another eighteen months for Darcy’s sake. He wanted to go the moment Janice was no longer here.’

‘That must have been really hard for your niece. I’ve got a friend who’d lost both his parents by the time he was in his twenties, and it can have a huge impact losing your support network that young.’

‘It can; Darcy was in her early thirties by the time Peter died, but she never made it about her. She was just sad they were gone and then, later, that they’d never get to meet the baby she’s expecting. I still find that painful too, but I’ll just have to be a grandparent for all three of us.’

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