Page 34 of The Royal Flame
Part of me wants to beg for her to understand why I’m doing this.
Because I care about her so desperately that idea of anyone hurting her makes me want to die.
I want her to be safe.
I want her, but know I can’t have her.
It’s what I have to do.
I should’ve known things would always lead to this.
Because my father always wins.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I walk toward the doorway.
What I really want to say is:I think I might love you.
Which is why I have to go.
I’ll always protect the people I love, even if it means heartbreak.
I think love will always mean heartbreak for me, so maybe it’s better if I avoid it altogether.
9
CHAPTER
MADDISON
I’m so pissed off I can’t stop moving around my room. Sure, I sort of understand why River did what he did—dude’s a martyr through and through. But that doesn’t make it any easier for me to deal with. I like River, a freaking ton. Obviously. But I also don’t want to beg a guy to stay with me, and this is like the third time he tried to bail out over our barely planted relationship.
The woman I believed was my mother would’ve cried and pleaded with him to stay, but I don’t want to be that. I want to be strong. I want to be the sort of girl that can be okay with being by herself, which is what I’ve done for most of my life, so I should be okay for now.
But then why is it so complicated to breath?
I press the hell of my hand to my chest where my heart is racing way to swiftly for what I’m doing, which is slowly pacing the room. I’m upset and anxious. I need to focus on going to class, putting one foot in front of the other.
“You can do this, Maddy,” I tell myself as I make my way over to the closet to grab on outfit to wear today.
Class begins in an hour. So I have one hour to get my shit together.
I pull on a pair of wide-legged jeans and a crop top T-shirt before combing my hair and dabbing on a bit of lip-gloss and eyeliner. I haven’t eaten much today, so I grab my wallet and head out to get some food from the cafeteria. Lily is sitting in the living room when I exit my room with a book opened up on her lap. The instant I exit my bedroom, her attention snaps to me.
“What happened?” she asks as she tosses her book aside and stands up.
I shrug. “River and I are no longer an thing.”
Her shoulders slump. “Maddy, I’m so sorry, but I know he didn’t mean it. River just thinks he has to protect everyone. It’s what he’s done all of his life and old patterns are hard to break.”
She doesn’t know the entire story, and I can’t tell her. If I do, it could put her at risk for getting pulled into this mess that is my life right now.
“I know, but I’m not about to beg him to stay. I’ve tried to convince him to, but I can’t keep doing that.” I offer her a small smile when she studies me with worry. “I’ll be okay.” I start for the door, hoping for a quick escape because smiling right now feels agonizing.
“Maddy, wait,” she calls out.
Dammit.
I suck in a slow breath before gradually turning around. “I really am okay.”
