Page 43 of Starlight & Dark Nights

“So, what you’re saying is that without her husband here to reel her in,” Frankie says, reaching for her cigarettes like she might light another, “you’re turning to us. You need us.”

North appears loathe to admit this, and he’s eyeing Frankie’s cigarettes lustily. “I need you,” he agrees. “Yes. I need your expertise as wives, as women who know Maxine, and as a unit of ladies who has agreed—even tacitly—to support our organization. Can you help me?” he begs.

Frankie looks at each woman around the table for confirmation before looking back at Arvin North. She taps a cigarette from the pack and puts it between her lips, leg swinging again as she flicks her lighter with red-painted nails. “Sure,” Frankie says, almost as if it’s an afterthought. “We’ll help you.”

* * *

The women have agreed that Jude will be their point of contact with Maxine, which is fine with her. Jude knows she’s not ballsy like Frankie, not universally adored for her gumption like Jo, and not as cute and likable as Barbie or Carrie, and so her way of pitching in and showing that she truly does support NASA and the space program is to step up and do what she can do—which, in this case, is to get through to Maxine.

“So, you need to basically use psychology on her to get her to do what you want?” Vance asks that night at dinner. “You need to play a mind game with her?”

Jude stops in the middle of the kitchen with the salt and pepper shakers in hand. “No,” she says, amused. “Not really. I believe that Maxine has a right to feel how she feels, but I need to understand why this is the thing she’s choosing to focus on. To help NASA, I first need to help her.”

Vance nods in understanding. “Okay, I see that.” He’s sipping a beer and standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room with his necktie loosened, watching his wife move roasted chicken and potatoes from stove to table. “I think it’s really caring of you to step in and work with Maxine—both as her friend, and as my wife.”

Jude smiles at him; things have been far easier between them lately, and the only thing she can really attribute it to is the fact that she’s now moving through her days entirely sober and just indulging in one drink before turning in for the night. The evening that she’d nearly drunk from the bottle of vodka while sitting on the kitchen floor is still fresh in her mind, but Jude doesn’t feel the immediate pull to find the kind of numbing relief that she normally feels when she gets anxious or stressed about something.

“You know,” Vance says, pushing away from the wall and walking over to where Jude is standing. She’s got her back to him as she turns off the burners on the stove. Vance loops one arm around her waist and nuzzles his face into the back of her neck. He smells like beer and Jude smiles. “I feel like things have been going well lately. Don’t you? Hmm?”

Vance kisses the back of her neck and a chill runs down Jude’s spine—it’s a good, warm tingling feeling, and it’s been a while since she’s felt relaxed and present enough to melt into her husband’s embrace.

Jude nods her head. “Things have been going well.” She swallows. “I’ve been drinking less.”

“I know,” Vance says in a voice so low that it’s almost a whisper. “I’ve noticed. And I’m proud of you. It’s not easy to overcome something that’s begun to take over your life.”

Jude stills in his arms. “You think it was taking over my life?” He’s not wrong, but she’s bothered by the fact that her husband most likely felt as though she was so lost in the drink that she couldn’t function in her most important roles as wife and mother. “You thought I was becoming a drunk?”

“Oh, baby,” Vance says. He turns her around gently and takes the oven mitt from her hands, tossing it onto the counter and setting his bottle of beer beside it. He puts his hands to the sides of her face and looks into her eyes. “No. I’m not saying that at all.” A look passes over his face that is concern mixed with love and compassion. “I understand the things you carry around with you, and I know that they bother you a lot. There are so many people who find ways to keep their head above water through a drink or two, and I think that a lot of times it gets to where two drinks become three or four, and before you know it, you’re in a place you never imagined. It feels shameful and bad, but Judith, I’ve never stopped loving you. I only want to help you.”

For what feels like the millionth time recently, Jude wants to cry. This goes so entirely against her nature and her inclinations to give into open displays of emotion that she simply clears her throat and looks at the wall while her eyes dry out. Does she even deserve Vance’s love and support? Has she been enough of a wife and a mother to him and the girls to have earned the love of a man who believes in her through thick and thin? She isn’t sure, but starting now, she wants tobethat woman. She’sgoingto be that woman.

“Thank you,” Jude says, looking back at her husband as he holds the sides of her face between his big, slightly roughened hands. He touches her so gently, and with so much reverence, that Jude is almost ashamed of how she’s put her own addictions ahead of everything else. How silly—how foolish—to believe that her own husband wouldn’t understand how she feels about the things that have happened in her life. How ridiculous to take his suggestion to find Catherine and then not tell him that she was actually doing it.

Jude clears her throat. “Remember when you told me to look for Catherine?”

Vance frowns slightly at this quick change of topic. “Yeah, I recall that conversation. I think you should absolutely connect with an old friend. Remind yourself of who you used to be and build up the relationships in your life.” He’s nodding at her. “Of course, I remember saying that.”

“I went to Daytona Beach and met with a private investigator,” Jude says. “I used the money I got when my dad died to pay for his services,” she adds quickly, wanting him to not worry that she’s out spending money with no regards for their family budget.

“Okay,” Vance says. He’s visibly calculating the things she’s saying. “That’s fine. And how is it going?”

“He called with some follow-up questions, but I’m not sure if he’s had any luck yet.”

Vance reaches for his beer on the counter and takes another sip. “Wow. What do you think you’ll do if he finds her?”

Jude hasn’t really decided that. “I’m not sure. Maybe call and say hello? But I’ve been thinking…what if he could find my mother?”

Vance’s eyebrows shoot up. “That’s an even bigger wow.” He drains his beer and sets the empty bottle back on the counter. “I wasn’t sure that was something that you wanted to do. I would have suggested it, but that’s a touchy subject. At least in my opinion.” Vance puts both hands to his chest and looks at Jude seriously. “I know your feelings run deep on that one.”

“They do.” Jude reaches for the discarded pot holder and twists it between her hands. “I think for a long time I felt as though she abandoned me. I felt like she put me on a ship bound for something totally unknown, and then I never heard from her again. And that hurt. That felt like a betrayal.”

“Of course,” Vance says empathetically. “Of course it did, sweetheart.”

“But now I’m not so sure.” Jude smacks the pot holder against her hand as she thinks about her feelings with regards to her mother. “I was so young. So many different factors could have been at play there, right?”

“A multitude,” Vance agrees. The twins can be heard in the front room, chatting in their high-pitched little girl voices. It’s nearly dinnertime, and they’ll be storming in soon to ask when it’s time to sit down and eat.

“What if she simply lost track of me? What if something happened to her? What if my dad refused to let her talk to me?”

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