Page 35 of Starlight & Dark Nights

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The phone conversation with Harrison Watts plays through Jude’s mind all day as she runs the vacuum, checks the mailbox, and prepares an after-school snack for the girls. Talking about her mother, about the boat trip, and about her early life has made her want a drink—desperately—but she’s trying to stay focused on her daily tasks and to stay clear-headed so she can think over all the things she shared with Mr. Watts.

When the doorbell rings at one o’clock, Jude wipes her shaking hands on a dishtowel and goes to answer it. In her mind, she’s already calculating how many hours until she can have her one drink of the day (six hours and thirty minutes, to be precise), but she knows she can make it. She knows she can. She will never again fall, she will never again hit her head, she will never again land in the pool. She cannot.

“Jo!” Jude opens the door and peers out. Jo Booker is standing there, holding a pocketbook with a no nonsense look about her. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I didn’t call,” Jo says apologetically. “I was out and about, and I thought I’d see if you were home. May I come in?”

Jude steps away from the door. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. Of course, come in. Please.”

Jo follows her into the kitchen, where Jude finishes the snacks for the girls and puts them into the refrigerator.

“Can I make a pot of coffee?” Jude offers.

“That would be great.”

The women make small talk about the weather, the beach, and the children, as Jude prepares the coffee. When they’re finally seated together at the table, Jo takes a deep breath.

“We need to talk about Maxine.”

Jude is not surprised. Every time she goes next door to see Maxine, she’s got some new fact to share about the amount of money NASA is spending on space travel versus the fact that the military is shoring up to send Marines to Vietnam and no one is talking about that. So far, Jude has taken it all as the ravings of a distraught widow, but the look on Jo’s face is alarming.

“She’s been attending meetings with those protestors who stand outside the Cape.”

Jude keeps her face placid. Maxine is her friend, and she will not give away to Jo the fact that this alarms her. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” Jo says tersely. “I know someone at the hospital whose sister has gotten involved, and she told me that the widow of the astronaut who died has been coming.”

Jude can’t say much to that; since Bob Young had no wife, that leaves only Maxine as the possible widow in attendance. “Why do you think she’s doing that?”

“I was hoping you might know.” Jo reaches for the coffee and pours a bit more into her cup, then stirs in a few teaspoons of sugar. “After all, you two are close.”

It’s the word “close” that throws Jude. She’s never truly been “close” to any of her female friends—not since Catherine, anyway. Her entire life has been her holding people at arm’s length, trying not to do or say anything or reveal any details about herself that might result in her being cast off, as she has been so many times in her life. But that’s not what this discussion is about.

“Maxine and I have become friends,” Jude allows. “But not so close that she’s told me about these meetings. I’m just as puzzled as you are.”

Jo sips her coffee but keeps her eyes trained on Jude. She sets the cup on the saucer with aclinkand waits before speaking. “It’s dangerous, Jude. We need to convince her to stop attending these meetings. She has every right to be upset, and she has every right to question for herself and her children what might have happened to Derek, but she can’t take the things she knows about NASA and the space program to these people. She can’t make her grievances public.”

Jude’s eyes fall to the dark pool of liquid in her own cup. She looks into the coffee as if it might hold the answers of the universe. Or at least the answers about what Maxine Trager is up to.

“I don’t think she’s telling them anything she knows through Derek. She wouldn’t.”

Jo arches one eyebrow. “A grieving woman is unpredictable, Judith. You don’t know that she’s not talking about things Derek told her.”

Something prickles the back of Jude’s neck. Since she’s stopped numbing herself all day long with alcohol, she’s been more alert and aware of the things that go on around her. Even to the point that she can tell when someone is saying one thing, but meaning another. It had started with a trip to the grocery store where she’d run into another wife from the neighborhood who wouldn’t stop talking about the astronaut wives’ luncheon she’d just been to with a group of women, when what she’d clearly been saying is that she doesn’t think that Jude is actively involved enough. And now she can feel it with Jo. There’s something beneath the surface of this conversation.

“I know Maxine pretty well,” Jude counters. “She’s scared and she’s lost, but she’s not going to intentionally sabotage the space program or anything.” The way she says it almost feels like she’s confident in her next door neighbor, but in truth, Jude feels like she knows no one well enough to speak to what they will or won’t do. Still, Maxine is her friend, and she doesn’t want Jo Booker or any of the other women thinking that Maxine is losing her mind or putting their husbands' careers in jeopardy.

Jo nods. "Well." She purses her lips before making her next statement. "There's a rumor floating around that she's attending these meetings and talking about how Bill has something to do with a cover-up involving the accident, and I can't have that, Jude. Just like Vance, Bill has worked way too hard to get where he is, and he can't afford to have people saying things about him that are patently untrue. You would feel the same way about your husband, wouldn't you?"

A wave of nausea rolls through Jude as she realizes how right Jo is: shewouldfeel the same way about Vance. He's always been so supportive of her, and so loving, even in the midst of her own problems. He worries for her and for the girls and he wants her to stop drinking to better herself and their family, but he is never unkind about it. In fact, there have been many nights when he's felt her quiet sobs shaking the bed, and rather than saying anything, he’s simply rolled over and edged up behind her, wrapping his arms around her gently and holding her. Vance has never asked her to give detail about any part of her life that she doesn't want to, and he seems to implicitly understand that she's a complicated person with plenty of things that she can't talk about.

Jude steels herself. "Of course. I would feel absolutely the same way about Vance," she says, neither agreeing nor disagreeing about whether Maxine is spreading this information around or not. "I'll make a point of talking to Maxine myself, okay?"

Jo takes a long last pull on her coffee and stands up. She brushes the front of her shift dress as if she has crumbs all over her, though she looks as impeccable to Jude's eyes as she always does.

"Thank you, Jude," Jo says with an efficient smile. "I appreciate that. And of course you'll let me know if there's anything I can do to help Maxine."

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