Page 8 of The Fadeaway

“As what? Roommates? That was common in those days: two spinster women, shacking up together to ‘save money’ by being roommates. Most people’s families either believed it wholeheartedly, or went along with it because they wanted it to be true. But that’s not how I wanted to live with your aunt Olivia. I wanted to hold her hand as we walked through bookstores together, to kiss her on street corners. I wanted us to adopt a little boy and name him Shane?—“

“Shane?”

“I know, silly and girlish of me to name our children, wasn’t it?”

Ruby blinks, caught by surprise at this touching detail. “No, I…it’s sweet. I love that you felt this way about my aunt. I guess I never really got to know her well enough to understand her life, or to have any concept of a path not taken. I feel—I don’t know.” Ruby blinks a few times. “Pleasantly surprised I guess, just to find out that Olivia had a great love in her life.”

Ellen is clearly steeling herself as she asks, but she manages to get the words out anyway: “And you don’t think your uncle Jim was her great love?”

Ruby thinks about this. “They seemed happy enough. Don’t you think it’s rare to know people who are so fully in love that you can’t imagine them with anyone else? Uncle Jim could have been anyone, but it just so happened that he was a decent guy who owned a hardware store in Olympia, and he and my aunt got along. But wild, passionate love? I don’t know for certain, but I don’t think so.”

This seems to satisfy Ellen, and she watches the rain for a long time, saying nothing.

“I’m glad she had that life,” Ellen finally says. Her voice is low, and her words are measured. “When she died, I was able to say goodbye.”

“You were?”

“Of course. Your mother told me she had breast cancer, and I called your uncle and explained that I was an old friend and wanted to visit her at the hospital. I went on a Saturday, and she died the next day.”

Ruby feels a chill run through her body. “Did you tell her the truth—that you never stopped loving her?”

Ellen’s eyes are glossy with unshed tears. “I don’t think I had to. I just sat next to her and held her hand, and we listened to the sound of the machinery that was keeping her alive. At one point, we both cried and I got up to find Kleenex so that I could wipe her tears. I truly believe that she understood. I think she was happy with the way things turned out. Or maybe I just want to believe that.” Ellen pats the table here and stands, walking over to the sink where she tears a paper towel off a roll and dabs at her eyes with it. This time, as she moves, Ruby can see the slight limp to her walk.

When she sits down again, Ruby reaches over and takes Ellen’s hand in hers, squeezing it firmly. “I think you’re safe believing that,” she says, looking Ellen in the eye. “And thank you for telling me all of this. I think it’s beautiful how much you two loved one another, and beyond generous that you let her go so that she could have the life she did.”

Ellen stares at the tablecloth beneath their coffee mugs. “I don’t know about generous, but I loved her enough to let her go, which is the kindest thing you can do sometimes.”

Ruby looks around the kitchen, still holding tightly to Ellen’s hand. “So that’s why my mom bought this place and it’s why you’ve lived here all these years.”

Ellen dips her chin, then gives Ruby’s hand a squeeze back and lets it go. “She very kindly offered to let me stay here for free, so long as she could use the guest room any time she came to Seattle. But I insisted on paying her—I’m no freeloader.”

“Oh, I would never think that of you,” Ruby reassures her. “I don’t need to know or understand the reasons for your arrangement with my mom, because now I understand your history together. She wanted you to live here, and I wouldn’t do anything to change that.”

“I’d like to buy the house, Ruby,” Ellen says, meeting her eye. “I’d like to pay you market value for it, and own it outright. I would have done it before Patty died, but she always insisted that the house was mine for as long as I wanted to stay, and that if I ever ran into financial trouble, she’d let me stay anyway. So now I want to buy it and make sure that you’re never in a place where you have to put up an old lady out of some sense of duty or obligation to your mother.”

“Ellen, it’s not like that.” Ruby laces her fingers together and places her hands on the table. “My mom wanted you to live here, and you’ll continue to live here. I haven’t met with her attorney yet, but let’s see what provisions she put in her will for this house, because, knowing my mom, she had plans for it.”

Ellen takes a breath and nods. “Okay,” she says. “Fair enough. But just know that I’m prepared to pay whatever I have to pay. Your mom came here so many times, and we laughed and cried in this house.” She glances around at the walls and the windows. “For me, this is home, and it always will be.”

The women finish their coffee as the rain lets up, and when it’s time for Ruby to leave, she hugs Ellen at the door and then releases her, stepping onto the porch with a hat pulled down over her forehead, and a scarf wound around her neck. Her blonde hair is tucked beneath the hat in a bun at the nape of her neck.

“I’ll be in touch,” Ruby says, waving to the Uber driver, who is idling at the curb with his headlights on. “Soon.”

Ellen stands in the doorway as Ruby climbs into the car, and then she waves as the Lexus rounds the corner.

Ruby glances through the back window of the car; the scene is rain-soaked and suburban. She misses the warmth of Shipwreck Key, her own bed, and her friends.

“Headed to the Hilton, ma’am?” the driver asks.

Ruby realizes for a moment that she’s out in the world completely without Secret Service, her only shield against recognition an oversized hat and a bulky neck scarf. A thrill runs through her at this little bit of freedom.

“Yes, to the Hilton, please.”

Ruby leans back against the seat for the rest of the ride and watches the rain slick the streets, the buildings, and the cars around them.

Ruby

"I'm so glad you're here." Ruby has a red handkerchief tied around her head and she's wearing a beat-up gray t-shirt and a pair of too-big overalls. "I'm not sure I could do this on my own."

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