Page 117 of Shadows of Stardust

I’m rooted in place, shoes cemented to the dock, completely unable to move.

This is really happening.

I really just said goodbye to my sister for the last time. I’m never going to see her again, and this is how we’re going to leave things. Wounded, angry, short with each other and not even scratching the surface of everything that happened, everything that needs to be said.

This is really happening.

This can’t be happening.

“Ros,” Savvie cries out, and by the time I turn, she’s nearly reached me.

Her arms close around me with a force that makes me stumble a step before I catch myself and hug her back.

A lifetime, in this embrace.

Everything we couldn’t say and everything we’ll never get the chance to.

All the years of struggle and the uncertain future stretching before us.

I feel it all in the strength of my sister’s hold on me. In her iron-strong grip, the uneven rasp of her breath, the glassy shine of her eyes welling over with tears when she pulls back far enough to meet my gaze.

“I’m sorry,” Savvie whispers, and I reach up to swipe away the first of those tears with my thumb.

“It’s okay.”

It’s not. It’s so far from okay I feel like I might puke, and Savvie seems to know that, too. Her eyes well up again, a few more tears streaming down her cheeks.

I rest my hands on her shoulders. “You’re safe. I’m safe. We’re both going to be alright.”

Savvie breathes in deep, lets out a shaky exhale, and nods.

“You’re going to have afamily,” I remind her, and my heart sinks and soars at the thought.

A family. A family I won’t be a part of. A family who will love her and care for her while I’m a thousand light-years away.

“And I’ll be just fine,” I make myself say. “I know how to take care of myself.”

Savvie shakes her head. “You shouldn’t have to. Maybe… maybe I can find some way for you to come here… some way for you to—”

My eyes dart to Arrik, and as soon as I see the tense set of his expression and the worry creasing his brow, any momentary hope that swelled within my chest dies a swift death.

“No,” I say gently, but firmly. “I can’t jeopardize your safety that way. You got away, Sav. You survived. You earned this peace, and I won’t take it from you.”

“What kind of peace will it be if I never see you again?”

“Never is a long time,” I whisper, even as a terrible certainty sinks into my bones.

Never. I’ll never see Savvie again.

She’ll live her life here, grow her family here, find her peace here, and I’ll…

A cavernous pit of uncertainty opens in my chest.

I push it away.

The mystery of where I go from here is irrelevant. I’ll figure it out, and spending these last few moments I have with Savvie despairing over it won’t help either of us.

So I do what I’ve learned to do best.

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