Page 17 of Giving Him Something He Can Feel

“That’s some bitch shit.”

“It is, but I’ve made peace with it. Adorie is straight.” She shrugged.

A brief silence filled the walk, before she spoke.

“Since I just poured my lil’ heart out to you for the second time since we’ve met. Tell me about you. Tell me about Cartrek. I mean that is why you asked me to take a walk with you, right?”

I chuckled. “What you wan’ know?”

“What you wanna tell me?”

“Ain’t shit to tell. I’m a boring, complicated nigga. My main focus is retiring in my youth rather than dying in it. And naw, Peach, I said come take a walk with me because I wanna get to know you.”What the fuck?

“A boring complicated nigga. That’s a contradiction in itself.”

“Yeah, but it’s the truth. Mostly stay to myself and make money. I’on like none of that extra shit that folks be on.”

“I feel that more than you’ll ever know.”

We reached the Italian ice shop seconds later. We made minimal small talk in line, then ordered our shit. Of course I covered it, then instead of sitting in the crowded shop we walked through the park across the street. Just like that night at the club, I got so caught up in talking to her that I lost track of time. I got too lost in her presence, yet another reason I needed to be leaving her ass alone. She wasn’t one of those females I’d fuck with just to get my dick wet, she was more and had the potential to be some niggas world. Type of female that deserved the world, and for some nigga to give it to her. The more I talked to her the clearer it became that I needed to go about mine,because I wasn’t in a headspace for change for no female or to give anybody my all. Last bitch I gave my all to was building a case on my ass.

“Doyou feel underserving of love, Cartrek?”

“Nah. I just ain’t got time for it. It ain’t about deserving it or any of that shit. It’s about having the time and energy to invest in a motherfucker. Only to be betrayed.”

“So, you feel like love and betrayal correlate to one another?”

“They run pretty damn close right? Where I’m from niggas die over love. I almost found myself in a fucking cage behind love.”

“Does the woman you’re thinking about remind you of Mia?”

“How do you know I’m thinking about a woman?” I asked staring at the good doctor for an answer.

“Are you not? Correct me if I’m wrong.”

I blinked a few times mentally attempting to pinpoint similarities of Mia and Virtue. “How would I know? Mia played a role, presenting me with what she knew I was attracted to. Mia was a plant.”

Dr. West nodded. “Off the role Mia played. Are there any similarities.

“No. Peach has these honest eyes. Type of shits that tell you everything about her. She got this way of being an open book without even trying.”

She nodded. “But Mia didn’t?”

“Nope. Now that I think about it Mia’s purpose in my life was to make me chase her. To create this gray area in my life so that she could pull me off my square and catch me.”

“But she didn’t. Mia isn’t here, but you allow her to haunt your decisions. To make it hard for you to let others in.”

I nodded, hearing what she was saying but my mind was made up. Though I wanted to I wasn’t fucking with shorty like that. I couldn’t.

My session with the good doctor didn’t last that long. It probably did, but we talked enough that I didn’t even know where time went. After I left the session, I ended up at a restaurant near the crib picking up takeout. A nigga was starving and the only thing I’d eaten today was that fucking Italian ice with Peach earlier.

Speaking of the fucking devil, my eyes landed on her as she exited the restaurant next door holding a brown bag and her phone in her face. I swear her ass got finer every single time I laid eyes on her. Simply fucking beautiful.

“Yo, you stalking me or sum?” I asked.

Within seconds she looked up, and we locked eyes. “No. People get hungry, don’t they?”

I nodded, not knowing what else to say. Thing is I wanted to say something else. I wanted to be all in her space at this point after telling myself it wasn’t gonna be like that hours earlier.

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