Page 54 of To Her

I left Con standing there with tears in his eyes. I left Con standing there in a cloud of exhaust fumes from my car. I left Con standing there with no explanation as to why I ran or what was happening.

Then I drove all the way to Seabreeze Haven to James, where I knocked on his door at 1 PM with tears in my eyes and asob held in my chest. James didn't say a word, just opened the door and said, "The spare room is empty. Go throw your things in there. I've already messaged the boss to tell him you're back early, and he said, 'Can you start back tomorrow?'" I was thankful to James, I really was. Con must have messaged him to say I had left.

The drive from Alpine Ridge to Seabreeze Haven had been a blur. Four hours of mountain roads and highways, my knuckles white on the steering wheel, my mind racing faster than my car. I hadn't stopped—not for food, not for bathroom breaks, not even when my gas light came on and I had to pull into a service station. I'd pumped the gas, paid, and gotten back on the road in under five minutes, as if Con might materialize behind me if I lingered too long.

Now, standing in James's spare room, the adrenaline was finally wearing off, leaving me hollow and shaking. I sat heavily on the edge of the bed, my unpacked bags scattered around me, and pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes.

What the fuck had I just done?

My phone buzzed for what felt like the hundredth time. I didn't need to look to know it was Con. He'd been calling and texting since I'd peeled out of the resort parking lot, his messages growing increasingly desperate.

Geri, please talk to me.

What happened? Did I do something wrong?

Just tell me you're okay.

Please.

I couldn't bring myself to respond. What would I even say? Sorry I freaked out and ran away because I woke up naked in your arms and no memory as to how I got there, and it triggeredsome deep-seated fear I have buried deep? Yeah, that would go over well.

A soft knock at the door made me jump.

"You alive in there?" James's voice was gentle but probing.

"Define 'alive,'" I replied, trying for humour but landing somewhere closer to pathetic.

The door cracked open, and James peered in, his expression a mixture of concern and exasperation. "You look like shit."

"Thanks. Always the charmer."

He came in and sat beside me on the bed, close enough that our shoulders touched. It was a small comfort, but I leaned into it.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked after a moment.

I shook my head, then changed my mind and nodded, then shrugged. "I don't even know where to start."

"How about with why you're here and not in Alpine Ridge with the hot chef who's apparently been blowing up my phone asking if you're okay?"

I winced. "He called you?"

"Texted. About twenty times. He's worried sick, Geri."

Guilt twisted in my stomach, sharp and nauseating. "I know."

"So?"

I took a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts. How could I explain something I didn't understand myself?

"We were at this club last night," I started slowly. "I got drunk. Really drunk. And then someone offered us pills, and I... I took one."

James's eyebrows shot up. "You what?” James was one of the very, very few who know of my addiction issues, and only because he was my oldest friend, and had been the one to drop me to rehab 3 years ago.

"I know, I know. It was stupid. Three years sober down the drain because I thought I could handle it." I laughed bitterly. "Spoiler alert: I couldn't."

"Shit, Geri." James ran a hand through his hair. "Are you okay? Physically, I mean?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It wasn't... it wasn't like before. I didn't spiral or anything. It was just one pill, one night." I paused. "But then I woke up this morning, and I was naked in Con's bed, and no memory of it at all I just... I panicked."

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