Page 103 of Hell-Bound

Ren feared her throat would close again. She wanted to believe this note was real, a warning. If it were real, that meant that maybe that vision was just an illusion—a way for Nainaur to force her into action. Every piece of Ren wanted the vision to be false. She would forgive the god for this cruelty if it meant that she wasn’t the cause of so much pain. Yet the images felt familiar despite the lock on her memory.

The note itself could be another devilish trick, a warning of a lie from a liar. She couldn’t ignore Azur knew that she was seeking the tome and that this might just be another way for him to manipulate her. But did she not owe him the benefit of the doubt when he had sacrificed his throne for her? Did she owe the being that owned her soul anything?

She sat up and put her head in her hands, letting her silver hair fall to shadow her like a blanket.

What do I do, Renata?

One god was offering her redemption. Find the tome and be free. The other god was gone, likely locked away, and, in no uncertain terms, stated that Nainaur should never gain possession of Vutar’ka Zhartun.

Azur’s abdication also meant the dissolution of his powers and potentially meant she and the other souls he possessed would turn into sleepers.

So pick a side,Renata whispered from her mind.

Nainaur, The Almighty, or, Azur, The Unholy.

Ren couldn’t help snorting at the irony.

“I’m not picking a side, Renata,” she gritted out, digging her nails into her scalp. “I want to pick me.”

Such a simple desire and yet unimaginably difficult.

Nainaur had offered to save her, dissolve her contract, and give her redemption, restoring her memories in the process. A terrifying prospect. In her mind, restored memories meant waking up an entirely different person once again. A person in love with a male and had a whole life of experiences. A life where she lived in a small house and was safe and settled.

Ren, the woman she was today, didn’t want that—couldn’t imagine ever wanting that. Would Reneta, with her memories back, even remember what it was like to be Ren? Would these several months be lost to the tragedy of another deal made with another god? Forgotten?

Then there was the trauma—the overwhelming guilt of her actions. Guilt so heavy that her desperation forced her to seek out the most powerful Devil alive.

If she went after Azur, she would be rescuing someone who effectively ruined her life. The being that placed all these impossible questions in her lap in the first place. Yet, selfishly, she knew it was the safer option in some ways. Going up against Devils of nobility felt much less daunting than recovering her memories. It was too much to consider—she was too weak.

Do something good for once!

“How,” she muttered, squeezing her scalp more tightly, nails digging in.

She didn’t know anyone. What step could she possibly take towards good?

Zelaia.

Zelaia and the other soulless. If she couldn’t fix this problem, a problem that was her fault, they would all become sleepers. She didn’t know Zelaia very well, and she hadn’t met the others, but she knew, without any doubt, that if Jester were at risk, she wouldn’t even hesitate.

This was the answer.

She wanted to do good even if she was not, herself, good. She knew that without Nainaur’s blessing, she wouldn’t make up for her sins. But perhaps Renata’s sins and her shame had tobe secondary to the lives of others.

She wasn’t naive that Nainaur would take it as a slight to his authority if she once again ignored his request. Additionally, once Azur knew the extent of his brother’s ambitions, he would never allow her to continue her search. But those consequences would have to wait.

She pushed herself up on shaky legs.

“Time to rescue a fucking god.”

She tied her hair back and made sure her piccolo was secured to her thigh before leaving her small bedroom.

One step at a time, Ren.

She rushed down the stairs and outside, ignoring Fred as he tried to speak to her. She was afraid that if she stopped, she would lose her nerve by allowing The Gilded Triangle another opportunity to convince her to look for the tome.

She had no real destination and didn’t know where to find Azur’s safe house. Her only plan was to find a Devil and get as much information as possible. Surely, word had spread about Azur’s capture, and everyone would be talking about the next steps.

As she marched past the fountain, the female sleeper caught her eye. Today, she wasn’t sitting but was standing straight up. Even more shocking was that she was looking directly at Ren with a quizzical expression.