Page 70 of Unveiled Wounds

“No, I didn’t have time to tell him on Friday, so I’ve held it in. He doesn’t need to be distracted.” Her face turned, looking at my profile, as I bounced JR. “Are you ready for a baby, Mer?”

“Is this the part where you tell me I’m not emotionally stable enough to be her mom?”

“I’m being selfish, but I can’t stop thinking Matt’s her father, and all the ramifications that will have for JR. I can help you, but I’m not sure I could be her mom, knowing she’s the product of an affair.” Grace laid her arms in her lap and placed her forehead on top of them.

“I kept calling her ‘Clara’s baby’ this morning. We can’t label her before she’s even here, or the rest of them will follow our lead. She’s mine with Grizz, and she’ll know nothing but love.” I was bitchy enough that if anyone tried to tell her differently, I’d step in and Grizz would back me up. She was ours, even though she hadn’t been born to us.

“She’ll know nothing but love,” Grace said, confirming she wouldn’t take Matt’s foul deeds out on the baby. “This is all my fault.” Her brow furrowed as she let JR grab her finger.

“How long have you been clinging to this guilt? It didn’t start with Matt, but he used it against you.” If I was attempting to heal our relationship, that probably wasn’t the best way to start. I had a bad habit these days of not giving a fuck and letting whatever came out of my mouth fly. If anyone said anything, I’d blame it on too much time at the clubhouse. No one censored themselves, and I was just living by their example.

“I’m fine.” She reached for JR, but he didn’t want to go to her. She dropped her hands.

“We both know that’s not the case.” We always snapped at each other in times of stress. It was our default setting, and I wanted to break the cycle. “I listened when you picked a fight inthe front yard. I’m officially claiming the backyard, and I have shit to say. Right, JR?” I bounced him on my leg. “Mommy needs to listen to us.”

“I don’t have the energy to fight with you,” Grace sighed, suddenly looking worn out. “Now, what shit do you have to say?” Her lips twitched at the profanity. I let the fucks fly, but Grace still maintained her prim polishing.

“Did you hate me for all the times Dad checked out and made you fill in the gaps?” I really had to work on my finesse.

Grace wasn’t expecting such a heavy hitting question right off the bat, and neither was I. Her eyebrows raised towards her hairline, as her lips dropped open into a perfect O shape. She tried to form an answer, but every time she did, she’d stop. “No!” she said emphatically.

“What makes you think you’re going to see Matt’s affair in the eyes of this new baby? She’s innocent, and I know you. You won’t hold Matt’s sins against her. That’s if she’s even his.” I scrunched up my nose. “You never held them against me.”

She squeaked as her mouth dropped open again.

“I may not have had a mom, but I had a Grace. I can never make it up to you, but I swear I’ll make you proud of me,” I said, trying to hold back my own waterworks. It was a losing battle, and I tightened my hold on JR, just in case. “I had plans to tell Grizz about our baby the weekend you left Matt, and when it all went to shit, I took it out on you. No words will ever be good enough to tell you how sorry I am.” I took a deep breath.

“I’m so grateful you’re alive, but you broke my heart when you said your hands weren’t clean. JR just wants his aunt, and I want my sister. We don’t care. See?” She pointed at JR in my arms, tears streaming down her face. She didn’t bother to wipe them away as more fell. “If the roles had been reversed, I would have already laid down and quit. I don’t have your strength.”

“Dead thinks I need to forgive myself before I can get rid of Pulse.” I scrunched my nose, pretending to itch it. “He still invades my nightmares. Most of the time, it’s some new fucked-up version of the kidnapping, like watching as fake zip ties wrap around my wrists. He plays off of my insecurities.”

“Dead actually speaks? Every time I try to thank him for watching over you, he grunts at me.” Grace laughed with no humor behind it. She slid closer to me on the stoop and wrapped her arms around us, laying her head on my shoulder. “That little girl hit the jackpot when Grizz stepped up. She’ll get you, and you’ll never let her feel less. We’ll always shower her with love, but you have to stay. There are rumors Grizz is planning on leaving the club. She’ll need all of us, and I need you.”

I didn’t hold back the sobs, and neither did she.

“I told Grizz—if they let us build a home, I’d back off. Keep my distance. His family’s here. My family’s here. Now we’re raising a baby. She needs all of us.”

“You’ll be miserable.” Grace tightened her arms around us.

“I would do it with no complaints,” I said, smiling through the tears, not caring if I looked a mess.

Grace’s eyes stayed on mine. She didn’t smile, but she didn’t look away either.

“I need your help,” I whispered.

“Anything.”

“I tried to rearrange the furniture to get a crib and a changing table in Grizz’s room, but I can’t figure it out. The only thing I could think of was to empty the closet, but I can’t put her there.”

“Fuck,” she mumbled.

“Yeah, but I’ll watch JR afterwards so you can have a nap. We’re buddies now.” JR made a happy noise as he tried to reach for his feet.

Chapter 27

Pulling Out The Big Guns

Grizz

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