“My ex,” I admit. “He didn’t like me going out working at all hours in bars when I had gigs or auditions, said I was wasting my time since I wasn’t good enough to make it anyway.”
When I say it out loud now, it sounds so typical, so mundane, a stupid reason to give up on my dreams, and yet that’s exactly what happened. However, there’s still part of me that believes he did me a favor, making me realize it was an unattainable pipe dream.
“He sounds like an idiot,” Axel says bluntly. “Even if you don’t become famous, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t pursue your dream and make a career out of it. Sounds to me like he just didn’t want you to succeed.”
“You’re right, I suppose. He was jealous… controlling. It was easier just to quit than to handle the arguments every time I had a gig,” I admit.
“Well… you’re not with him now. Why not give it another go?”
“It’s complicated…” I explain, not wanting to go into details as to why I can’t.
How can I explain that I need to remain invisible so he can’t find me? The first place he’d look for me is live music venues. If I joined a band or pursued a solo career, it wouldn’t take him long to find out about it and track me down. If I admit this, Axel will know that the only reason I agreed to the surrogacy was for the protection the club offered. I doubt that he would look kindly upon me bringing trouble to their door, especially since the club is already dealing with enough trouble.
“I’d like to hear you sing sometime,” Axel says.
“You don’t even know if I’m any good or not,” I deflect, feeling hot under his intent gaze.
It’s rare to be the sole focus of someone’s attention. But when Axel talks to you, he actually listens.
“You are. I can tell,” he replies, so confidently that I almost believe it.
How could my ex make me feel like I’m worth nothing, make me so small, and yet just a few words from Axel have the complete opposite effect?
Hiding the blush of pleasure that Axel’s words bring, I simply smile at him but make no promises. I’m not sure I’m ready to sing for anyone else again just yet, not even him.
“I’d better get back to work.”
I return to work, enjoying the music and being around the gig atmosphere again for the first time in a long while. Thewhole night, I can feel Axel’s eyes on me, and when I look over, he doesn’t shy away or pretend he isn’t studying me with naked curiosity.
It’s Axel’s turn to stay over in my place tonight to keep an eye on me—despite the overall discomfort we all feel about me living in Donna and Zeus’ home without them, we had few other options, their room remains off-limits, and the guys rotate between staying in the guest room so that someone is always close by should I need anything. It’s overkill—I told them as much—but Axel was adamant, and the rest backed him up. For the most part, I barely notice when the guys are there, but I feel a thrill tonight knowing that Axel and I will be alone in the house together.
It’s late by the time we make it back to the house, yet neither of us is ready to go to sleep.
“Would you like a nightcap?” I ask Axel as we hover in the living room.
“I’m not usually in the habit of drinking alone… and you can’t drink,” he replies, nodding to my still flat stomach.
I wonder how quickly I’ll start to show. Will I be one of those women who you can barely tell is pregnant at six months, or will I rapidly balloon? Seeing as I’m already a curvy girl, will I look obviously pregnant, or will people just think I’ve put on weight?
“I can have a cup of tea or something,” I suggest, wanting the time alone to get to know Axel better.
He considers this, weighing the implications of us staying up alone together. “Alright then.”
I fix our drinks, and we sit on the couch together. I feel acutely aware of his proximity, despite the fact that we’re not touching, sitting on opposite ends of the couch.
“It was a good send-off,” I comment, referring to the funeral and wake.
Axel nods in agreement. “It was, I think. Zeus would have approved. He’d mostly be pissed he missed out on the fun,” he says with a rueful smile.
“What happens now? With the Steel Vipers, I mean. How do you decide who becomes the next president?”
Axel’s brow furrows as if he’s been worrying about this. “Usually, there’s a clear successor lined up, but we don’t have one. If Levi were still alive, he’d be the obvious choice. A few guys are vying for the position, so it will probably be put to a vote.”
“What about Knox? If Levi was the obvious choice, would Zeus’ other son not be the next choice?” I ask, curling my legs underneath me and holding my mug in two hands.
Axel shakes his head. “I love Knox, he’s like a brother to me, but he’s not leadership material. He’s too much of a wild card, even he knows that.”
“Okay then, what about you?”