"It was none of your business to do this, but now that you have information, yeah, I want to know. Did he send the files? What's going on? I don't understand why you did this, Wes. I don't understand why you?—"
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overstep the mark, but I've noticed for a number of years how his abandonment of you, of your mother, has hurt you. And I thought maybe the first step in healing would be to figure out what happened."
She nods slowly. "I see."
"Are you mad at me?"
"I'm pissed," she says.
"I have an address," I say, holding up the phone. "The private detective knows where he lives. We can pay him a visit. Do you want to do that?"
She stares at me silently, just thinking. I don't say anything. We must sit there for what seems like thirty minutes before she finally nods. "I'll go."
"Okay."
"But on one condition," she says.
"What's that?" I ask her.
"I want you to let me out of here. I want you to let me move out."
"But where are you going to go? What are you going to do? Sabrina, I..."
"You'll need to look after Bruno, of course, until I can find a place where he can move in with me. I'll go to my mom's, but I can't stay here anymore, Wes. You just..." She starts to cry again. "I just can't do this anymore."
"I'm sorry. I only wanted the best for you."
"Yeah, sure," she says. "You wanted to control me. You wanted to sleep with me. Well, you've done both. You had your wicked way with me, but now I want to move on with my life, please."
"Okay. I can be ready in ten minutes if you want to go and see your dad then."
"May as well get it over with," she says. "Let's see the sperm donor who left me and my mom and didn't give a fuck about us. Do you know what that's like, Wes? You're there in your castle, feeling high and mighty, with your picture-perfect family and your money and your good looks, and you think it's just that simple and easy. You think now that you’ve found him, I'm going to be healed. You think he's going to tell me why he left, and I'm going to be like, 'Oh, okay. Thanks for telling me, Dad.' That makes up for all the years you weren't in my life. That makes up for me feeling like shit about myself for my mom crying herself to sleep every night.' Yeah. Do you think I'm just going to run into your arms and be like, 'Fuck me senseless, Wes. Thank you for healing me like that.'" She presses her lips together. "You don't get it. You don't get the pain. You don't get the struggle. You don't get the emptiness. When I was a little kid, do you know something that I remember?"
I shake my head.
"I remember being four and going to the toy store, holding my dad's hand. We were looking at teddy bears. And he said, 'You can get whichever teddy bear you want.' And I said, 'I want that one, Dad.' And it was this huge pig. And it must have cost over $100. And he was like, 'Are you sure, Sabrina?' And I was like, 'I want that one, Dad.' And then my mom came, and she was like, 'You can't buy that for her. She's too young, and it's too expensive.' My dad looked at me and touched me on the nose, and he hugged me and swung me around and said, 'You're my best girl, Sabrina. I will get you whatever you want.' And I walked home with that pig. He didn't even have much money, but he spent it because he loved me; at least that's what I thought. I thought,This is a man who loves me. This is my dad. This is someone I can depend on for anything.
"And three years later, he was gone from my life, like it meant nothing. I meant nothing. He never called. He never wanted to see me. He never sent a penny. How could he do that to me, Wes? How could he come into my mom's life, woo her off her feet, get her pregnant, tell her she's the best thing that's ever happened to him, have me, treat me like a little princess, and then just leave? I don't understand. And I don't think that there's anything he can say that will make me understand."
My heart breaks for her because she's right. I've never experienced that sort of pain. I've never experienced rejection or abandonment. “There’s nothing I can say that can make it better,” I say softly, “but I hope that some answers, some truths can help you at least start the process of figuring it out. And I’m sorry if I’ve overstepped. I never wanted to hurt you, Sabrina. I care deeply for you, and I thought it would be helpful.”
My voice is low, and she just shakes her head. "I'm going to get changed. I'll be ready in twenty minutes. And then I'll be gone this evening."
"Okay," I say, because there's no point in stopping her or begging her to stay. There's no point in making her answer the calls anymore because she doesn't want to be here. She doesn't want to be with me. Maybe I remind her of her father. Maybe she thinks I've come into her life and swept her off her feet, and I'll just leave, as well. But I'm not even as good as her father because I haven't even swept her off her feet. I haven't been half the man I've wanted to be because I've been trying to be patient, and in my patience, I've ruined it all. I've ruined the one relationship that means the most to me in my life.
Sabrina was right when she started that ad. I was a grump and a billionaire, and I also wanted a wife. But what she was wrong about was that I wasn't seeking another woman. I already knew who I wanted, and it was her.
She wrote the ad for someone else, but she is the one I want. She is the one I need.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sabrina
Day 24 of Operation Get Kicked Out of Wes's.
We drive to New Jersey in silence. I have nothing to say to Wes. I don't even know how to think, how to feel. He got a private detective to find my dad, and while he crossed so many boundaries, a part of me wonders what I am going to find out. Maybe I’ll find out that my mom kicked him out, or maybe I will find out that he sent letters to me and she just didn't give them to me. Maybe I will find out that he has been waiting for this moment, for me to come and find him and for him to embrace me. I look over at Wes as he drives and notice him giving me a short, furtive glance.
"You okay?" he asks. We're nearly there. I nod and look out the window. I have nothing to say to him. Absolutely nothing.