Page 69 of Ellie 3

“I’mnotvictim-blaming. I’m not judging anyone’s past. I’m saying goingforward, we all need to accept that we put up with too much. Boundaries are not a bad word and we need to have better boundaries forourselvesor we cannot teach them to our children. Learning to say I’ve had enough, need a break, or I cannot handle something in the moment is hard.

“But it’sfreeing. I feel so much better having been able to say that for myself. We’re all on the airplane and it hits turbulence at times. We need to listen to the rules of the airplane for ourlivesand make sure we are wearing the oxygen masks before we try to help others. A well-rested, taken care of, and mentally well mom teaches that to their children.

“I’m not saying to raise brats. No, and more than that, we need to stop calling our daughters princesses or treating them like that. Life is not a fairy tale. Prince Charming is normally a crock of shit and many of us have experienced that. So enough. And that means listening totheirboundaries as well.

“Not when they say they won’t eat their vegetables and only have fast food. That’s a brat.” I smiled when people chuckled. “But when your child says they don’t want to hug someone, that is their answer. If you ignore that answer and tell them it’s fine, don’t make a scene, or they’re family, you just taught your child that what they want doesn’t matter.

“You taught them to be quiet and swallow their needs down—not to listen to their instincts. You taught them that their voice doesn’t matter and no isn’t actually no. That stays with them. I hear it now in my head all of the time. We cannot fully break those chains we grew up with, but we can make damn sure our daughters are raised better and without them.

“And it still happens. I saw it the other day at the hospital. A nurse went to hug the children after their visit.Shedidn’t push it but simply offered comfort after the visit was rough. The boy ranoff and the mom excused it as ‘boys will be boys’ but then yelled at the girl when she said no.Thatis what needs to stop.

“All that does is teach that girl that boys can do what they want and it’s fine and she cannot trust her mother to protect her. The nurse did nothing wrong and immediately backed off when the girl was uncomfortable, but the mom tried to force it. The nurse was the one who said she was uncomfortable hugging a child who didn’t want to.

“The mother then got snippy and told the nurse not to tell her how to parent her child.” I gave everyone a moment with that. “So herprideon whether she was a good mother or not was more important than the comfort of her daughter. Yeah, that’s not a good mother. That’s aselfishmother worried more about how people view her than her children.”

I flipped the page of my speech and recentered myself.

“It takes a village to raise a child. Yes, we should always be diligent in protecting them and not just take random advice. But we all need help and it’s time we accept that. We’re not superheroes, and asking us to be because we’re women while also expecting us to accept unacceptable behavior is too much.

“If I could wave a magic wand, I would ask all mothers to look inside of their hearts and admit what we all know. We are not perfect. We cannot shoulder everything alone and it’s time we stop acting like that’s the standard. To do that, we need to stop fighting each other. Boys learn team sports and how to play well with others.

“Girls learn tocompete. Beauty pageants. Sports that are focused on being the best like ballet or dance. Competitions that make other girls and women our enemies. Don’t you think that was intentional?” I snorted when people frowned. “I do. I grew up being told that I could only get the best man if I was the best woman.

“I had to do better than other women and they were competition. You know what competition is? Never an ally. It’s meant to isolate us so we’re without resources or help. It makes us constantly strive for perfect even when the deck is stacked against us. It’smeantfor us to tear each other down and chip away at our self-worth so men don’t have to as often.

“And our ancestors fell for it. They taught it to their daughters, and it’s ahorribletradition that has been passed down. We’re not jealous like men and strive to do better—aremotivatedto do more. No, we gossip and tear each other down. I constantly hear that I must be the plaything of the founder of ASH to have the position I do.

“Other women are the worst saying it as I pass them but never to my face like adults. They push that rumor for the sexist men who started it and don’t even understand that those same men laugh at them as well. Why not? They just did their dirty work because we’re raised to bepetty.”

I stared out at the people there and stood proudly.

“I run ASH because I am the most qualified. I amnotin a sexual relationship with the founder and never have been. I have been a healer for hundreds of years—long before women were even allowed or to have the title of doctor. I am board-certified ineightfields and could be in more, but honestly keeping up the accreditation while running ASH is exhausting.

“I ran from my home as a teenager with what would be about ten thousand dollars today and no knowledge of the outside world. Yes, I was a vampire, but there were more supes than humans ever thought. I was trained to fight and educated better than others my age—men or women. I’m not taking away from what I had.

“But I cannot hide what I was lacking for my own ego. I needed saving a few times.” I let out a slow breath. “And one of the people who saved me was Amanda Hope. Yes, she was areal woman. A—” My voice cracked and I quickly wiped my eyes. “She was a vampire who knew the world was horrible for not just women, but female vampires in a way—she would be so sad.”

I chuckled darkly and wiped my eyes again.

“She had such hope hundreds of years ago that we would be so much further along,” I confessed. “She used to say ‘Enlightenment for our kind is just around the corner, but until then, we will be the hope our sisters need.’” I let out a slow breath. “She saved me once when I was out of money and almost fell into a trap.

“She saved me again—gave herlifeprotecting me when a group of feral male vampires found me and wanted to rape a woman from a noble family—drinkfrom her because they were so thirsty. I fought. I screamed and killed—she came in like the angel she was, and even knowing she was no match, protected me while I was bleeding out.

“And died to save one of her little lambs.” I hurried to wipe the tears that fell and sniffled. “I’m a poor substitute for Amanda, and I pray the gods forgive me for being the reason she’s gone when the world needed her. I never had the faith she did in our people or the world getting better, but I always fought for it. I started Amanda’s Hope because it was the least I should do in her honor.”

I was shocked when people started clapping, flinching when the applause got louder. I wiped my eyes and gave a sad smile when I saw Ha-joon was standing and clapping the loudest.

Damn, I really did love that man.

How could I not?

I thanked everyone and let out a slow breath as the applause died down. “The guilt of not telling the truth about Amanda has always eaten at me, but to explain who she was risked people finding out who I am. And until recently, there was still always a looming threat over my head from my birth father and family.

“Mostly because I handled it like a scared girl too often instead of the woman who has saved hundreds.” I gave people a moment with that. “So no, we never victim-blame. We understand that life is hard and complicated andterrifyingfor us. But we do better. We gethelpand promise to do better by our daughters.

“We fight and save others. That’s what we do because we can. And now you know that it all stemmed from one woman who truly did change the world. I have no idea how many Amanda Hope saved, but I knew a dozen she was helping at the same time as me. She was never idle and—I can never replace her, but I hope she smiles by the gods at her legacy. Thank you.”

The applause were thunderous as I quickly grabbed my notes and headed for the stairs. I did a double take when I saw someone waiting to escort me.

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