Page 101 of Faking It with the Forward

“I’m just processing.” She rubs her eyes. “Reese Cain told you that he loved you.”

“Yes.”

“And another guy, one that you like, asked you to go see your favorite band and you said no.”

“Right.”

“So you have basically rejected two perfectly acceptable guys, one that has declared his love for you, for no reason.”

“I mean… basically, but it’s more complicated than that.”

“I don’t think it is.” She tilts her head. “Do you love Reese?”

My heart pounds just at the question and my stomach hurts because I miss him so much. “You know my instincts on relationships aren’t great. I thought I loved Ethan, too. What if this is just another way for me to sabotage my life? Because there is nothing wrong with Logan. He’s great, but of course I want the guy that makes me choose between a man and my job.”

Ruby opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off.

“Being a trainer is everything to me, Ruby, you know that. It’s the thing that got me through high school and Dad dying and all the stuff with Ethan. I’m good at it. It’s reliable. Guys come and go—but this job is my future, and I can’t risk losing it.”

“Oh, Twy.” She scooches across the couch and pulls me into a hug. Normally, I’d fight it, but I’m too worn out. I just want this achy-hollow feeling in my chest to go away. “Jesus, you’re a hot mess.”

I could get mad, but a laugh slips out instead. That’s followed by a rush of tears that I’ve been holding onto for days. For once my sister doesn’t judge me, she just lets me get it all out.

“Better?” she asks when I finally pull away.

“Not really,” I admit, sniffling.

She leans back and grabs a wad of tissues out of the box on the end table. She hands me some and keeps the rest. “I know you hate all the woo-woo shit Mom and I are into, but I heard something that really resonated with me the other day.”

“Yeah, I probably need some woo-woo shit right now.” I blow my nose. “Hit me.”

“When you go through trauma, there’s this little sliver of strength that helps you get through. That strength, that grit, it’s waiting, lurking in the shadows, ready to support you whenever you need it. But to truly move on you have to let that piece go. Which is terrifying because you’ve come to rely on it. But the truth is you don’t need it anymore. You’ve built all these other resources—these strengths and new relationships—and from now those new things will get you through the hard times.”

“Are you telling me to quit sports training? Because I can’t do that—I’m about to graduate with a degree. It’s my job and—”

“I’m not telling you to quit training.” She sighs. “I’m telling you that this program isn’t the only thing propping you up anymore. It’s part of who you are, but not everything. You love it, but I think you love Reese, too, and it’s okay to let your guard down. It’s also okay if that means you admit you’re crazy about a six-foot-four, sexy as hell captain of the hockey team and find a way to have both in your life.”

“I admit it.” Warmth burns my cheeks. “I am pretty crazy about him.”

She smiles. “Then you have to stop running away and figure out how to make this work.”

* * *

Mom returns after the heart-to-heart is over, probably having been given an “all clear” text by Ruby. Her arms are loaded with bags of groceries and we both get off the couch to go help her in the kitchen.

“If you’ll put these up,” she says, taking a pan out of the cabinet, “I’ll get started on making that Mexican casserole you love.”

“Oh!” Ruby’s face lights up. “Did you get queso?”

“Yep. With and without jalapenos.”

“Thanks, Mama,” I say, leaning into her and giving her a squeeze.

“Any time.” She rests her temple against mine. I know she has a million questions, and maybe I’ll go into all of this with her at some point, but I appreciate her restraint.

I’m putting the groceries in the refrigerator when the doorbell rings.

“I’ll get it,” Ruby says.

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