Page 65 of What I Should Have Felt

I glanced at Colette and gave her a tender smile. “I bet he was. And I’m not looking to replace him.” Tears once again swelled in her eyes as she stared back at me. “I’m just asking for a chance. At least to—to be a dad to my daughter, even if you can never forgive me for leaving.”

“How are you not mad at me?” Colette blurted out.

“Because you were doing exactly what I did fifteen years ago. You were protecting someone you love,” I answered. Her eyes sparkled beneath the lullaby of tears.

“And now? Is that what you’re doing now?” she asked.

“I’m tired of secrets, Cher. My entire career is a job full of secrets. The past fifteen years have been nothing but secrets and lies that destroyed something beautiful. I’m so grateful you found love again with Liam because you truly deserved it, even if, for a brief time, that love wasn’t for me. I’m okay with that. In fact, I can’t wait for the day I meet him and get to shake his hand because I know how lucky he is to have been on the receiving end of Colette’s love. So yes, I’m protecting the woman Istilllove, have never stopped loving, and the girl I hope might consider calling me Dad someday.” I took a cautious step toward Colette.

Everything was out in the open. All the answers to the holes in life had been answered. Out of something so cruel and dark came a bridge over the chasm the past fifteen years had created. A bridge that I couldn’t cross on my own. Colette had to meet me halfway. If she didn’t, I understood why and would accept it. But oh, how I wanted her to.

“No. I won’t stand for this,” her mother inserted. “The worst thing for Azelie would be to have you as her father.”

“Ford’s my dad?” Azelie’s innocent voice sliced through the tense air, and Colette stiffened in front of me.

Silence stretched like yarn in a loom. My heart raced in my chest as everything came crashing down around me. I’d opened this bag of worms by confronting Colette this way. Now, instead of giving Colette time to process and then decide how she wanted to proceed, Azelie had to find out by overhearing a damn conversation.

Chapter 27

FORD

The front door clicked shut, and footsteps padded across the living room. Azelie’s innocent face appeared around the corner, and she stopped by Mawmaw. “Grammy, did you just say that Ford is my…my dad?” she asked again, but instead of seeking her grandparents or her mom for comfort, she glanced up at my mawmaw.

“Azelie, baby. There’s a lot that—”

“Just stop, Mom,” Colette quickly inserted. “The charade is up. All these lies and secrets were your fault. I get that your intentions were to protect me, but the one person I never needed protection from was Ford. Apparently, I needed protection from you.” She shoved her hands on her hips. “And you, Dad. You what? Just went along with it?”

“She’s my wife, honeybee,” her dad muttered. And part of me could respect that. Not a large part of me, because he still absolutely destroyed his daughter, but still.

Colette quickly swiped the tears from her cheeks and shook her head. “The Thibodeauxs offered us their home after we were attacked. Yes, over the years, there’ve been some petty things that happened between our families because of the restaurant rivalry, but when it mattered most, they have always been there for us. And you made a mockery of that.” Colette briefly closed her eyes.

“Nobody is answering my question,” Azelie desperately asked again and stepped into my mawmaw’s side. Green eyes darted my way, as if silently asking me to tell her the truth.

I wasn’t even sure what to say or how to break this ice. A simple yes didn’t seem efficient in this situation, but I wanted nothing more than to finally start building something with her. “I will never try to replace Liam, Azelie. But, yes, I am,” I finally managed to choke out.

Her eyes widened as my mawmaw squeezed her shoulder, and then a grin spread on her face. “I KNEW IT!” she squealed and jumped up and down. “The moment I saw that you had the same eyes as me, I just knew it. Then I also saw your mom, and I was like, holy cow, there’s no way. Besides, my face is much more like yours.”

“Your great-grandpa had heterochromia too,” I added. Everything in me begged to run over and scoop my little girl up in my arms. To properly hold my daughter for the first time in my life, but I remained frozen in place as a smidge of anger boiled within the excitement.

I sliced a glare at Colette’s parents. “Because of you, I missed it all. Colette’s pregnancy, the birth. I missed out on taking care of Colette during all of it and meeting my daughter as a baby.” I took a menacing step forward as my body shook with rage. “I missed her first steps, herfirst words, her first smile. I missed fifteen fucking years of a life with two of the most incredible women that exist on this planet.” Hot tears rushed down my cheeks. I’d cried four times in my entire life before this—when I was forced to leave, when I’d returned four years later, when I finally got to hug my mama, and when Duncan had died.

This cry was different.

Burdened and heavy. There was a sickness that came with these tears. The stain on my soul for all of the blackened death I’d delivered compared little to this anguish. “Fifteen f-f-fucking years,” I stammered as some spit spewed from my lips. “I never thought I’d ever have the chance at-at-at a family let alone—”

And Colette threw her arms around me. No amount of strength willed my limbs to move as every single moment that I had been deprived of seethed through my body. I wanted to kill them, but at the same time, I knew I ultimately shouldn’t. Azelie had also missed out on fifteen years of a family, and I wouldn’t be the person to take two members of that small group away.

“How’d you explain this away with all of her cousins and aunts and uncles?” I finally asked Colette’s parents while she kept her arms around me. My breathing began to slow as I found a new lock to cage this excruciating rage up with.

“Liam.” Her mom sheepishly shrugged her shoulders.

“I’ve had a dad who wanted me this entire time,” Azelie blurted out, ignoring what her grandma said.

I snapped my gaze to that girl to find tears down her cheeks as well. But not tears of anger or sorrow, ones of excitement as she bounced from foot to foot. “I knew you had feelings for my mom, too,” she quickly added.

Colette chuckled against my body and slowly peeled away as I finally managed to raise a hand and weave my fingers into her hair.

I gave Azelie a cautious smile and tipped my head. “I know this is short notice, and comes after a major bomb has dropped, but uh…” I cleared my throat as nerves trickled in my veins. “Uh, would you do me the honor of being my date to the father/daughter dance on Saturday? I’m a terrible dancer, you can ask your mom. And I’ve never done this whole ‘dad’ thing, so I might be awkward and clumsy and—”

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