Page 59 of What I Should Have Felt

Reaching forward, I brushed a curl away from her brow and let my fingers linger against her face. Warmth seeped through my skin as she leaned against my touch. “The only thing I’m wondering iswhyyou didn’t?”

Her bottom lip trembled, and a tear slid out as she closed her eyes. But she didn’t pull away from my hand. Her chest expanded as silence stretched between us. But it wasn’t the kind that made me want to run. It wasn’t the kind that churned my belly, begging me to fill the space with words. No, it was the kind that allowed for the answer to be unspoken. I somehow knew her biggest concern was the worry at that time that it would open a can of worms she wasn’t ready to reveal concerning Azelie’s lineage. I also understood that she didn’t keep that secret from me to hurt me, but out of the same fear that stayed my tongue for an entire week. The only thing that left me wondering now was why she hadn’t told me before I’d left town fifteen years ago. Or why she hadn’t called me after at any point to tell me about my daughter.

But now wasn’t exactly the best time to bring that up, even though I’d been the one to express that we needed to talk earlier and then practically ghosted her. “Sorry about asking to talk earlier and then leaving you hanging,” I gently said, breaking the stillness around us, and dropped my hand from her cheek.

Colette turned her eyes to the bed and picked at a fraying thread on the quilt. “I saw you get roped into helping at the restaurant. I get it. We can talk now.” She glanced up at me, caution but a glimmer of hope twinkling upon her face.

Without hesitation, I swept the stain left by the tear off her cheek with my thumb. She inhaled sharply, and my heart jumped in my chest.

“There’s a few things, but let’s start with the most important one since Azelie will be back fairly quickly. Cory,” I started, once again ignoring whatreallyneeded to be discussed. Once again, I ignored confessing myfeelings and what I knew about Azelie and Liam. I wanted this moment, this smidgen of time before I blew shit up. It was selfish, I knew that, and I thought I’d grown, but I mean, this was important to discuss too, wasn’t it? Especially considering we were limited in the amount of time we had to talk.

Colette slid over on the bed, making room for me. “I didn’t know until this morning. I feel like such an idiot for not seeing it sooner.”

I pulled myself onto the mattress and leaned back against the headboard. “If Azelie didn’t want you to find out, you wouldn’t have. Think about how sneaky we were.”

She nodded slowly and stared blankly across the room. “Yeah, but still. She’s never really hidden anything from me, so why did she wait so long?”

“Maybe because it’s unrequited,” I answered, and Colette whipped her gaze toward me.

“What do you mean?”

“Does the name Becca ring any bells? A blonde-haired junior who’s captain of—”

“The track team. Yes. Why?” Colette replied.

I tipped my head back against the wall. “Two things, she pretty much told Cory that they’re going to the summer dance on Friday and then did this passive aggressive shit about Azelie not having anyone to take her to the father/daughter dance the night after and how her grandpa was too old and then more shit about not having any family in the military.”

“That little fucking asshole bitch. I’m—”

“Wow,” Azelie inserted.

Colette’s eyes snapped wide, and she darted her gaze toward the door as Azelie swung it shut behind her. I bit down on my bottom lip and hid the smile.

“That’s some strong language. Who are you calling a bitch?” Azelie grinned and skipped over to the bed.

“First off, you don’t say that word. Second, it’s none of your business. Now, we’re gonna watch that old John Wayne movie you wanted to see and just hush,” Colette demanded.

Azelie giggled and launched herself onto the bed.

It wasn’t long into the movie before Colette was out cold and Azelie yawned, sleep quickly coming to take her away too. With silent guidance, I helped Azelie take out her contact and placed the lens container on the nightstand. Then she curled up into a ball, tucked her head against my chest, and was out like a light.

I dared not move as Colette slid up against Azelie, cocooning her between us. She draped an arm over her daughter and then slid her fingers between the hem of my shirt and my pants. Fuck changing into pajamas tonight. I wasn’t about to disturb this moment. The woman I loved and our daughter felt safe enough to fall asleep within my arms.

Scooping both of them closer to me, I gently placed my chin on top of Colette’s head and closed my eyes. I was holding her. Again. Not in some dream, not in some fantasy, not in my mind. Here, in this moment of solitude, I held Colette. Right at this moment, I held my entire world in my arms.

My daughter was safely sheltered between Colette and me. And Colette was cradled within my embrace, hopefully finding some reprieve from the dangers that surrounded her.

I’d find myself six feet under before I ever let something happen to either of them ever again. For this single night, the stars aligned. Fuck the pain, the past, the regret. I’d walk through the ashes of fire to be there for these two women.

How the hell was I so lucky to have come home to not just Colette, but someone she and I created? How the hell was I deserving of a woman as incredible as Colette, let alone a daughter?

I peeked out through slitted lids at two heads of the most curly, cherry-red hair nestled in my embrace. And I couldn’t help but smile. I’d long forgotten what it was like to have warmth in my heart. It was Colette who created that sunshine again. She brought the color back to my life.

My gaze snapped to the doorway. An open door with one lone figure stood in the frame. Shit. No. Azelie must’ve forgotten to lock it as my mawmaw crossed her arms and raised a brow.

I blew out some air. Just my mawmaw.

She smiled, but said nothing. There were no words that needed to be spoken. She knew.

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