Page 57 of What I Should Have Felt

“I’m really sorry. I never meant to hurt you,” I whispered and looked down at the dark tar beneath my feet. “I-I-I did something to protect someone else and hurt you, and that wasn’t fair at all. I just—”

Arms wrapped around me, cutting me off. As tears bubbled in my eyes, my mom pulled me closer to her and buried her face against my chest. I was a kid again, seeking my mama for comfort from something that really wasn’t a big deal.

My own body seemed unable to move, unable to process that after fifteen years, I was finally being hugged by my mom again. As the hot tears slipped over my cheeks, she shuddered against me and then tightened her embrace.

“Mama,” I cried out and collapsed into her.

“Welcome home, my little bear,” she said, muffled against my chest.

I gasped for air, sobbing like I was four. “I never thought I’d hear that again.” I swiped the back of my hand against my cheeks, quickly hiding away the evidence that I was crying. Something that Bernie wouldneverfind out about.

“I should probably start calling you big bear now, instead of your father, since you’re bigger than he is now,” she added, tipping her head back.

I chuckled lightly as a tear slid down her cheek. “You’ve been carrying something heavier on your shoulders lately, though, I can see it. What’s got the bravest, strongest man I’ve ever seen so worried?”

I slid my teeth back and forth as she stepped against my side, and I kept my arm slung around her shoulders. Before I could tell my mom about Azelie and Colette, I needed to confront Colette first. That much I knew, especially after all the shitty mistakes I’d already made.

“I’m worried there’s something more than just some power play for the fu—” I stopped myself with a clear of the throat. “Excuse me. I mean, I’m worried there’s something more than just some play for the restaurants going on. O’Connor attacked the LeBlancs in their home, Mama. I’ve seen assholes like this guy before. They rough up around the businesses, but unless there’s something personal, they try to keep the intimidation tactics as…”

“As distant as possible?” my mom finished for me.

I nodded and helped guide her around a pothole in the cracked lot. “Or I’m reading into things, hoping and begging that the shit I’ve seen hasn’t found its way here.”

She inhaled deeply, her shoulders rising beneath my arm. “Well, at least for the next couple weeks, we can breathe a little easier with O’Connor gone for a bit.”

“Or—”

“No, little bear. I know you’re used to assuming the worst, but we’re not going to do that right now. Go ahead and prepare for the worst, I’m okay with that. But I want you to at least take a moment to relax. Enjoy the fundraiser next week, especially since I know that not another person in this town is a Navy SEAL like my son,” she explained as we stopped outside the van. “And yes, it’s my prerogative to brag about you.”

I scoffed. “How can you switch so quickly from being so angry at me to this? Not that I’m complaining, but yeah.”

She patted my cheek and smiled at me. “I wasn’t angry. I was shocked. I had grieved you, Ford. It took me a minute to reorient myself, and then I’ll admit, my pride got in the way a bit because I shouldn’t have slammed that door in your face when you showed up.”

“Yeah, you definitely shouldn’t have,” I teased.

“Get in, little bear, or I’ll go get my wooden spoon again.” She winked.

I crept silently down the hallway. After thirty minutes of listening to my parents and Colette’s parents argue, I knew why Colette and Azelie hadn’t been waiting in the living room by the time we got home. They’d been smart because it took me at least fifteen minutes of slowly backing out of the conversation to finally have a moment to disengage from the chaos.Assuming Colette and Azelie were holed up in the guest room, I made a beeline for my bedroom.

Once things quieted down out there, and the adults—including my silent but nosy mawmaw—finally decided it was time for bed, I’d find my way back out to the couch so Colette could have the bed. But right now, I couldn’t stand another minute of listening to the strangest argument ever.

With a careful twist of the knob, I pushed the bedroom door open and rushed inside, shutting it with my palms braced against the door.

And giggles drowned out the bickering. Heat rose in my cheeks as I slowly turned around.

“Uh, hi, girls,” I said, pulling my lips between my teeth. “I thought you were in the guest bedroom.”

Colette’s eyes widened as she clamped a hand over her mouth, and she attempted to push Azelie’s head up from her lap.

“Ouch, Mom. Stop,” Azelie whined.

Colette froze, every muscle in her body stiffening as she kept her gaze locked with mine.

Which reminded me that in the whirlwind of discovering Azelie was my daughter, Colette also had no idea that I knew Azelie washerdaughter.

“I-I-What-Are—” Colette stammered, and Azelie scrunched her brows together.

“What is going on with you?” Azelie asked, whether to me or her mom, I wasn’t sure as her eyes darted between the two of us.

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