Page 37 of What I Should Have Felt

“Heterochromia can happen from a traumatic experience, so I was just…” My voice trailed off as I stared at her eyes.

“Oh. Well, no. It’s always been this way. The moment I was old enough to wear contacts, my grandparents bought me ones that matched my green eye and forced me to wear them, saying that they don’t want me to get bullied for it.” She shrugged her shoulders like it was no big deal.

But it was. It was a big deal. Not the whole thought she might get bullied for it, but the fact that she had heterochromia in the first place.

“Did Liam have heterochromia?” I asked.

“Liam? No, why?” she replied. Her brows raised as innocence dripped from her words.

She was nearly fifteen. She was Colette’s daughter. She had heterochromia.

I ran a hand over my mouth and jaw, unable to speak. There was no way. My heart raced in my chest. It couldn’t be real. Colette would’ve said something to me.

“Have you—” My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat. “Have you ever met my parents?”

She shook her head. “No. Grammy and Pop Pop never let me anywhere near them as a kid, and now as a teenager, they obviously can’t keep me as far away as before, but they still intervene anytime I’ve ‘almost’ crossed paths with them. Why?”

I swallowed stiffly and finally filled my lungs with the oxygen they’d been deprived of. “Nothing. Let’s get you back to your mom before she chews my ass out for taking too long.”

“She’s gonna chew your butt out for saying ‘ass,’” Azelie replied with a grin.

“Well, then don’t tell her I said that.” I nodded at the Harley parked alongside the road.

Her eyes lit up, and her grin widened. “Probably shouldn’t mention the whole three dudes showing up thing, either? I mean, they’re not some guys with O’Connor orwhatever, right?”

“That I know of. Maybe mention it, but only when she’s in a really good mood and make sure to put in a plug for how fucking awesome I was.” I paused beside the motorcycle and grabbed the helmet off the seat.

“Now you said—”

“Don’t you repeat it. Just put this on. Otherwise, your mom will have mybehindfor not keeping you safe on the bike.” I pushed the helmet against her stomach lightly.

She laughed and pulled it from my hands. “Better.”

With an eye roll, I smiled. She was a pretty good kid.

A kid with heterochromia. A kid whose mom was Colette. A kid who was almost fifteen. And a pregnancy takes nine months.

There was a feeling in my gut I couldn’t shake.

Chapter 16

FORD

Smoke curled around my head as I puffed on a cigarette. The heat of the day still clung to my sticky skin despite the sun beginning to sink upon the horizon. I’d dropped Azelie off a week ago without a word to Colette, merely watched Azelie walk into the restaurant and hug her mom through the window, before riding back home.

Little else had consumed my thoughts since discovering that Azelie was Colette’s daughter and had heterochromia. With the lack of capacity to process much else, I’d also avoided town other than to set up security cameras at night when no one was around outside both the restaurants. Luckily, so far neither O’Connor nor his cronies had shown up anywhere. I doubted the LeBlancs even knew the cameras existed, and it was on my list of things to tell Colette.

Later.

I couldn’t face her. Not yet, even though I knew I had miles of groveling and not just for the fact that I’d been a deadbeat dad for fifteen yearsto still cover. So instead, I simply left a fresh bouquet of spider lilies in the cabin every day and snuck some into her bedroom a few times as a peace offering.

Bracing against the wooden railing surrounding the porch, I watched an alligator slither slowly beneath the surface of the bayou. It was coming for me, or more for the marshmallows I kept randomly dropping into the water. But at some point, I would need to confront Colette for either confirmation or denial, and I wasn’t quite sure which one I was ready for. Disappointment if my suspicions were wrong, or the reality that I’d missed fifteen years of a life I helped create.

Fifteen years not spent with the woman I still craved to this day.

Part of me also wasn’t ready to accept that I was actually excited about the possibility that I might have a child, something I never thought would be an option for me in this life. Especially considering every fucked up thing I’d done whether by my choice or by orders. I wasn’t even sure if I was worthy of such an important role in this world. I’d already missed nearly fifteen fucking years of it.

With a deep drag on the cigarette, I let the burn from the smoke coat my throat as I dipped a hand into the half-empty marshmallow bag. What a fucking strange turn of events. The issues with O’Connor seemed so small now compared to learning what I had yesterday. I dropped a marshmallow into the bayou and heard the gator’s jaws snap.

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