Page 26 of Why We Break

I look up, expecting to see one of the animals making their way toward us or find something I missed, but all I see is miles of the pasture below us, stretching out from the barn to their farmhouse. I open my mouth to tell her I’m still lost, when I stop, taking in the sights. The sun is setting, casting the sky in shades of pink, orange, and yellow, and the breeze has picked up cooling the summer evening air. In the glow of the sunset, everything almost seems to shimmer, and I take a few minutes to pay attention to everything. From the crickets starting to chirp and the first few lightning bugs start to surround us, causing Hannah’s face to light up in excitement.

“I know it’s lame, but this is one of my favorite views in the world, and I thought you might want to see that this farm isn’t all sweat and cow shit. I know it’s a lot of work, but damn, moments like this make it worth it, you know?”

I nod, understanding what she’s saying. “It’s beautiful, Han. When’d you start sitting out here?” I ask, wanting to know more about her and knowing if we don’t keep talking I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing her. And as much as I plan to do just that before the night’s over, I want her to know I’m not just looking for a cheap hookup. I’ve spent the last semester at school convincing myself that I wanted to be casual, but it lost its appeal pretty fast.

Hannah shrugs at my question, and I get the impression she’s trying to figure out what to say before she finally admits, “I guess about the same time my parents left me here with Gramps a few years ago. Gramps and MiMi were always the best, and I’m honestly grateful I got to grow up here. But I struggled a lot when my parents just up and dipped. So I’d come out here to think and I guess it just became a habit.”

She looks embarrassed that she admitted that to me, but I just nod, completely understanding what she’s saying. I haven’t talked about my dad in years, and before I know it, I hear myself confessing, “God, do I understand that. After my dad left, I didn’t really know how to process it. Now, I just developed a temper a mile wide for a bit there, but in hindsight, sitting out in a field and taking in the sunset would have been a better coping mechanism.”

That causes Hannah to smile and lean against me, resting her head against the side of my shoulder. “I remember you used to have a bit of a temper in high school. But you seem to have grown out of it.”

I laugh at that before saying, “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know if you know this, but Huey realized I was spiraling and kinda stepped in to help me get my head back on straight. That man’s been much more of a father figure than my sperm donor ever was. He helped me get it together.”

“He’s such a sweet man,” Hannah says before letting out a weak laugh. “You know, now that I think about it, we’re really not that different, you and me.”

“Oh yeah? Why's that?” I ask, wrapping my arm around her.

“We were both left by the people who were supposed to take care of us. Your dad ran out and my parents dumped me with my gramps just because they didn’t feel like dealing with me.”

She makes this statement so quietly, I’m almost convinced I made it up, but the look on her face tells me I didn’t. I’m not sure what to say to that because she’s right.

We sit in silence for a few moments, before I finally say, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but your parents are fucking idiots for not realizing what they were missing.”

She smiles at that and lets out a small giggle. “Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing about your dad. I just don’t get it, you know? I mean I’ve had a great life, and I just told you how much I like living with Gramps. But I can’t shake the feeling that eventually everyone’s gonna abandon me.”

I sit there, waiting to see if she’ll say anything else. Eventually, she just shakes her head and runs her hand through her long hair. “God, I’m being such a downer. I brought you here to show you the sunset and because I hoped we could talk. But instead, I’m whining about things that happened years ago.”

I can tell she’s about to pull away from me, but I pull her tighter and whisper in her ear, “Thank you for telling me that, Hannah. I get it. I really do. But at least for the summer, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. So what do you say we have some fun?”

“Hmmm, I like the sound of that,” she whispers, leaning into me. “What did you have in mind?”

I pretend to be deep in thought before saying, “I don’t know. You have any ideas?”

“Why don’t we try this one?” she says before leaning in and kissing me hard. I’d worried I spent too much time this weekend building up the kiss we shared in our head, but one taste from her and I know that’s a lie. It’s just as good as the last one and I lose myself in her, kissing her and wondering who in the hell can let a girl like this go?

CHAPTER 20

HANNAH

“Okay, that’s it for today. Make sure you come prepared for your test on the cell cycle. I’ll see y’all tomorrow,” I call out to my fifth period as the bell rings signaling the end of class.

A few students linger, asking me about the study guide I sent out until I finally have to shoo them out of the room to make sure they aren’t late for their next class. As they leave, I pull my door closed and turn out the lights, desperate for a few minutes of quiet after the review game I’ve spent the day playing with my classes. I love incorporating fun activities into my lessons for engagement, but days like today tend to drain me more than usual.

It’s been a few weeks since Homecoming, but I still feel like I’ve been spreading myself as thin as possible. Between competing and winning regionals with our squad and back-to-back football games, I’ve felt like I’m living at the school and the mid-school year slump is hitting me harder than normal.

After sitting in silence for a few minutes, I take a minute to check the spreadsheet Caroline helped me make to keep up with all the farm expenses and smile when I see that I’ve managed to chip away a little each week. I still feel like I’m drowning in bills, but I got a call last week that by some miracle the cost of Gramp’s services had been lowered and I finally feel like I can breathe. Without that added cost, I’ll be able to catch up with the bank, which takes care of the biggest chunk of debt. Caroline also convinced me to reach out to a few of the local places, and they agreed to let me use a payment plan, so while there’s still a good bit of expenses, I don’t feel quite as stressed.

After making sure everything’s in order, I force myself to grab my planner, knowing I need to finish my lesson plans for next week. I’m flipping through the pages to find the right page when I hear a knock on my door.

I let out a groan and pray it’s not Principal Hale asking me to cover for one of our classes without subs before making my way to the door. I open it, blinking back my surprise when I see Will standing in front of me.

“Hey, uh, what’s up?” I ask him skeptically, knowing he tends to spend all his time in his office at the field house.

“Hey, I need you to sign off on some of these purchase orders for the state cheer competition. And I also need proof everyone’s signed waivers and had physicals so I can turn it in to the state,” he answers, holding out a stack of papers for me to take.

“Okay, I don’t mind, but you do know Caroline normally does this, right?” I ask.

“Yeah, I’m aware. But she’s out today, and I need it turned in now. So can you do it or not?”

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