Page 91 of Happily Never After

“Is that—” Mindy squinted.

“Tell me it’s not—” Could it really be?

“Olivia,” they both muttered as Mindy whipped the car into the driveway. But she didn’t stop there. She drove the car straight into the yard, directly below where the mysterious figure was climbing the drainpipe to the second floor.

Olivia, clad in bubblegum pink lingerie and matching high heels, put one foot on the roof of the porch.

Claire threw her car door open and jumped outside. Her skin prickled like a thousand needles were jabbing her. “Can I help you?”

“Oh no, I’m fine. Just locked myself out of my boyfriend’s house. So embarrassing,” Olivia called without even looking back.

“You mean my boyfriend?” Claire’s hands clenched into fists at her side.

“Don’t punch her, please. We can’t afford another lawsuit,” Mindy whispered.

It might be worth another lawsuit to bitch slap Olivia. Claire relaxed her hands and took a deep, steadying breath like Dr. Goulding had taught her. She counted to ten. “I need you to get off the roof, Olivia. If you don’t, we’re going to have to call the police.” That should be a fun story to explain to the officers.

The front door opened, and a shirtless Luke shot out into the yard. “What the hell are you doing? Why are you parked in the middle of the yard?”

Claire and Mindy gestured wordlessly to Olivia, who had successfully climbed the inclined porch roof and was now attempting to slide Luke’s bedroom window open.

“Olivia, what the fuck?” he boomed. “Get down.”

Ooh, angry Luke. Claire’s toes curled in her pumps. Sure, last night he had been grumpy and hurt. But it was extremely rare for angry Luke to come out. Thank god it wasn’t directed at her.

“You didn’t give me a choice,” Olivia said. Tears sparkled in her eyes. “You didn’t respond to my cake or my letters.”

Letters? What letters?

“That’s because I threw them out without opening them.”

“Things could be good again, Luke.” Olivia got down on her knees. This bitch was for sure going to fall off the roof.

Claire glanced at her watch. They were still early, but if this didn’t come to a head soon she’d have to leave. Not even an ex-girlfriend on the roof trumped this appointment with Brad.

“You’re trespassing,” Luke said, a note of danger in his voice. “If you’re not off this roof in thirty seconds, I’m going to call the police.”

“But I told my parents we’re engaged!” Olivia wailed like a scolded toddler. She was sitting on her butt now.

“Why would you tell them that?”

“You asked me!”

“That was a year and a half ago.”

“And now I’m saying yes!”

Luke planted his hand over his face. He looked back at Claire. “Can you call the police?”

“Of course,” Olivia said, pulling a phone from her rhinestone-studded bra. “You want me to get these girls off the lawn?”

“Oh my god.” Claire brushed past Luke and entered the house. “Rosie?” There was a skittering in the hallway, and the dog barreled straight into Claire as though she hadn’t seen her in a year.

“Hi, sweet girl. Okay, Mommy needs your help. Can you come with me? Up.” She pointed at the stairs.

Rosie rocketed up the stairs and spun around on the landing, apparently thrilled by their new game. Claire followed and bumped open the door to the master bedroom. She unlocked the window closest to Olivia and flung it open. She turned to her furry best friend and ripped the flat sheet off the bed. She wrapped the bottom of it around Rosie’s belly twice and knotted it tightly.

“Rosie? Up!” Claire ordered, pointing to the windowsill. Rosie sat below the windowsill and scooted back and forth several times before gaining enough momentum. She parkoured up the wall and onto the sill and stepped out onto the roof. Claire gripped the edge of the sheet.