Page 137 of Happily Never After

“Some of them think women have unfair opportunities, like higher rates of admittance to higher education programs. Others think they’re leeches on society who are dependent on men to exist.”

Mindy scowled. Sawyer patted her arm reassuringly.

“There’s a lot of other stuff too,” Claire said. “Higher rates of suicide, less likely to be awarded primary custody of children in a divorce, paternity fraud, female-on-male violence. Just read the handout, okay? And study the picture of the professor. He’s going to be there. I can feel it.”

She slid the binder across the table to him.

“Yes, ma’am.” Luke cracked it open and studied the laminated picture of the professor from the Web Detectives forum.

Claire’s stomach twisted. Luke was capable in so many areas—professionally, sexually, home improvements. But he failed miserably at being a misogynistic asshole. Did he really have what it would take to blend in?

There was too much riding on this. Millions of women were at risk every single day while ESA was still at large, not just her and her family. If they messed this up, they would never find the professor again, and their only named lead would disappear to some other ESA stronghold.

There was no choice but to succeed. And while she was there, she was going to find out if they sent the fricken mountain lion. Those evil zookeepers were going down.

Two hours later, Claire descended the steps, disguised from head to toe. Luke was in the foyer, staring at his watch. He looked up at her.

“You look ridiculous,” they said at the same time.

“Me?” Claire asked. “You’rewearing a fedora.”

“Isn’t that part of the uniform?” He crossed his arms, and his biceps strained against the Mountain Dew T-shirt he was wearing. He had never looked less like himself.

Mindy appeared from the kitchen with Sawyer in tow. “Aren’t his sideburns great? I glued them on.”

“They do look good,” Sawyer mused.

Mindy came up to inspect Claire. “Damn, Bri did a way better job than me. It’s like you don’t even have forty pounds of hair hiding underneath that wig.”

“Or boobs,” said Luke. “How did you pull that one off?”

Claire unbuttoned one of the buttons on her maroon dress shirt and tugged her white T-shirt down to reveal a sweaty mass of Saran Wrap. “I told you.”

Luke came toward her and peeked down the neck hole. “It’s like marine animals in an aquarium that’s too small.”

The fake mustache tickled Claire’s nose, and she sneezed. “All right, enough chitchat. Let’s get our weapons and meet back here in five.”

She ducked into the downstairs bathroom and inspected herself in the mirror. Okay, maybe she did look ridiculous. The maroon button-down she had borrowed from Luke was too big, as was the suit jacket she had bought to go with it. Newspaper was stuffed in the tips of her dress shoes. The sandy-colored wig and facial hair looked natural enough, but she still felt like a child playing dress-up. Maybe she should have gone more casual, like Luke. It was too late to turn back. She straightened her ankle holster and flung the door open.

The threshold nearly tripped her as she crossed the foyer in her too-big dress shoes. She dug in her purse until she pulled out pepper spray and three Tasers. One Taser went in her ankle holster. The other items went into her surprisingly large pants pockets. Why did women’s clothes have such ineffective pockets? It was probably also somehow ESA’s fault.

Everyone had returned to the foyer. Since Mindy, Sawyer, and Bri weren’t going inside, their disguises were minimal. Bri donned the classic anti-paparazzi outfit of an oversized hoodie, baseball cap, and big sunglasses. Mindy and Sawyer had slightly altered their usual attire to fit the California vibe.

It was now or never.

Claire turned to Luke and took a deep breath—as deep as the plastic wrap would allow, anyway. “Let’s do this. Code Purple on three?”

She put her hand palm-down in the middle of the group. Mindy and Brianna joined her without hesitation. Luke shook his head and put his hand in a second later. Sawyerenthusiastically threw his on top and nearly dislocated all their elbows.

“One, two, three, Code Purple!” They shouted in unison.

CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE

To Do:

- Find the professor

- Bring him down

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