Page 24 of A Soul to Steal

While drinking alone at a tavern because all his adult friends had gone home, someone had approached Gideon at the bar.

He had been mesmerised by the man before him. His features were gentle to the point he almost looked like an angel. Perhaps, because his features had a more feminine aspect to them, it was easier to make that leap when his mind had never dreamed of considering it.

Only another drink, and Gideon’s feet unwittingly followed him to one of the rooms above. He wasn’t drunk, or even tipsy. He was basically stone-cold sober as he followed him.

And he enjoyed every second, every touch that came from it. Despite it being Gideon’s first time with a man, and he was the one on his back being thrusted into, his nails clawed for more.

When he woke, Raphael was gone, but the startling realisation of what he learned never faded. The reason he was never able to reciprocate Emerie’s affection, why the prostitute left him feeling sick, why he wasn’t able to make himself hard, was because he thought he was destined to be with a woman.

Even though the bed beside him was empty, the emotions that spiralled within were enlightening, heavy, freeing, but also damning.

Once more, he’d betrayed Emerie, her parents. Yet, the relief that he hadn’t betrayed himself allowed him to lift his head up high.

But he was too afraid of disappointing everyone, so he remained... silent. He worried they’d come to resent him if he told the truth. That they would kick him out, and he’d lose the only family he had left.

It weighed on him every singlefuckingday, and it was tiring being in that loving home and feeling like an imposter.

After that night, he sought a boyfriend while trying to save as much coin as he could to rent his first home. He wanted someone to hold his hand for when he revealed who he really was, what he wanted, so they could help him bear the pain of what was to come. Someone who could help him suddenly and swiftly move his stuff, and protect him as he did so.

They didn’t need to be strong; they just needed to bethere.

Which led Gideon to the biggest regret of his life.

Thomas was handsome, and kind when he wanted to be, but he was really a self-serving prick. Or maybe Gideon just saw himlike this because their breakup led to one of the most painful memories he had.

He shouldn’t have allowed the man to convince him to mess around in his home. But Thomas’ parents had been home, his own vacant since everyone was at work, and they’d both thought it would be okay.

Gideon had the day off, and he’d never expected Emerie to come home early from working the farmlands.

He still remembered the haunting betrayal in her eyes when she found him in bed with his boyfriend. It wasn’t the way he wanted to reveal his truth, and to this day, it made him sick to his stomach.

Her scream, tears, and destruction still gave him nightmares. Especially since he’d taken it all while buck-naked, a pillow covering his groin, as Thomas bolted out the window to escape.Coward.

She’d locked herself in her room after that, and he’d paced his own while panicking. He’d packed his bag, preparing himself to be kicked out when their parents came home and she told them what she’d discovered.

The thoughts he’d contemplated that day had been unpleasant, anddark. He was about to lose the people he loved most in the world.

But he’d wanted to brave the conversation so he could explain and get closure. He’d had enough money to rent a cheap hotel in the poorer part of Fishket, and he would just work harder.

Crap. My chest hurts again.Just like that night, it seemed to burn.

He’d clenched his trouser legs, head hung low so he could stare at the ground between his knees while he and his parents sat at the dining table. He’d bitten his lips so hard he thought he’d draw blood. The air between himself and hisadopted parents had felt so heavy and suffocating that he’d been rendered incapable of speaking.

Every quiet minute was made worse by the fact that, from the second level of their home above, he was able to hear Emerie crying.

The moment he thought he finally gained the courage to open his mouth and apologise, he clenched his eyes shut because he started to cry.

But it was the warmth of his mother’s hand on his own, and the way she gently lifted his chin to face them, that startled him. Her brown eyes were brimming with tears, and instead of him uttering an apology, it was her.

All his fears, his worries, his self-loathing unravelled when she explained that it was okay. With her nimble thumb, she wiped away his tears as she took charge of the conversation he was frightened of having.

She told him there was nothing wrong with him. That they were sorry they didn’t realise sooner, and they shouldn’t have pushed the idea of marrying their daughter on him – despite them really never doing so. They explained that they thought it was whathewanted, so they never stopped Emerie’s fantasies. They thought he shared them since he never stated otherwise.

His heart nearly burst out of his chest when they said they loved him exactly as he was, and that he was their son, no matter who he loved. That any partner he found would be lucky to have him because they knew he was good inside and deserved the absolute best.

They just wanted him to be happy.

It’s all they’d ever wanted.

---