Page 198 of A Soul to Guide

I don’t want to lie to her.

He’d actually been intending for today to be the day he explained what a bride was, to see if she would be his. He’d wanted to pamper her when they both woke, feed her and watch her do her little happy food dance that always tickled him with humour.

Once she was rested, fed, washed, and content, he’d planned to ask for her soul. Then, this conversation wouldn’t have been necessary – because for once, he just wanted to have hope. Hope that she would say yes. Hope that she would choose him.

Now didn’t seem like a good time at all, especially when her face turned suspicious, and she directed that towards him.

“What are you hiding from me?” she bit, the little Elf perceptive.

How could he answer that? Because, as it stood, he was hiding much from her.

Why they weren’t leaving. His explanation as to why he was only giving her a vague answer. That fact that he wanted her soul.

That wasn’t even the worst of it.

Even though he’d made his decision on what he wanted, which was her, there was still the decision on what side to pick: go with Jabez and keep her with him, or go to her realm with her and abandon the safety he could provide his brothers.

The choice was too hard for him to make on his own.

Decimate her people and protect his fellow Mavka, or join her people and never know if he was the reason another died. One had already died from his actions; he was afraid to have more of his brothers’ deaths on his hands – even if he wasn’t the one to cause the killing strike.

What he needed was for her to take that choice away from him, to take the responsibility of that burden. What she wanted would be what he would do, but only after she was his.

If she denied him...

He’d already made his decision on that. Merikh would take her home, leave her there, and return here.

Not to be by Jabez’s side; he didn’t think he’d want to look at another Elf again after she tore his bruised and bleeding heart from his chest. Instead, he would forcibly round up all the Duskwalkers, then guard them until something came along and killed him – likely the Demon King himself.

If Raewyn didn’t want to be with him, he wouldn’t be happy no matter where the fuck he went.

He’d been seeking a light in his dark, dim world. Now that he had it, he knew nothing would brighten it again if she disappeared.

But if she died...If he tried to take her home and he wasn’t able to protect her, he didn’t think he’d forgive himself. He didn’t know what he’d become. Would he abandon all his humanity and wander the world as a self-loathing ball of spikes?

He’d probably try to annihilate everything in his path.

Lost to his thoughts, unsure of how to answer her, he watched as she stood. She tried to take the blanket to cover her nudity, but he was currently sitting on it. Instead, she went to her section of the shelf and grabbed a towel he’d acquired from the human town close by.

“Answer me,” she snapped as she covered herself and searched for her cane.

Merikh stood as he curled his tail around the length of it resting against the wall. He gently handed it to her, and she took it to put space between them.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he lied, wishing he didn’t feel so rotten. “I don’t know why you’re upset. You were fine when we laid down.”

They were more than fine, to be precise: satisfied, seed-covered, warm.

“Because I want you to tell me the truth! Something doesn’t feel right, and I want to know what it is.”

I can’t do that,he thought as he grabbed a horn to rub it in annoyance at himself. Maybe it was cowardly of him, but he didn’t want to tell her anything out of frustration just because she was yanking it from him. Had she just waited, been slightly more patient, everything would have been revealed.

He’d say the wrong thing if he just blurted it out. He was always putting his pawed foot in his mouth around her.

“Maybe we should speak when you’ve calmed down,” he stated, turning his head away.

I can’t wait any longer. She’ll only get more upset and realise what I’m doing.Merikh needed to tell her everything today; otherwise, things weren’t going to bode well for him.

He needed her calm. He needed time to think on how he should word the most important question he would ever ask in his entire life.

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