Page 196 of A Soul to Guide

It didn’t matter that he was different, but their current situation wasn’t normal. Was she attaching herself to him because she was homesick and just needed some way to pacify herself? Her heart said he was her new home, and she didn’t like that at all.

Is he even capable of love?

He had to be. He had all these other emotions, but he also wasn’t human or an Elf. She worried that love was just too strong of a compassionate emotion for him, especially since it was so vastly opposite to the obvious hatred he held within.

She’d overheard the term ‘bride,’ but what did it mean? Was it a mate or some kind of bond partner? When she’d asked him about it, he’d shut down the conversation so hard, she wondered if he would even seek something like that. Maybe it wasn’t something he wanted, and he was just interested in pleasure rather than anything deeper.

Why did the idea of that hurt?

Trusting him, loving him – she couldn’t fully do it here. She needed to see how he treated her people. She needed to see how he treated her when they weren’t stuck in the confines of his cave. She needed to know if he wanted more, or if she was just being foolish.

Currently, she was his only option. What if he went to Lezekos City and found another partner he’d prefer? Raewyn was pretty, but there were both men and women who were even more stunning, who had better social skills than her, who weren’t work obsessed.

He may resent her when he discovered she’d prefer to be in her laboratory with an experiment in her hands. She was also a synedrus councillor. There would be times she would be busy with long meetings and tasks that required her to drop everything.

Love had never been on her radar – it had just been too bothersome. She’d been a career-driven woman who hadn’t cared if she was alone or not.

What if it bothered him she couldn’t give him as much attention as she was able to now? What if she... wasn’t good enough?

Raewyn had failing qualities, but they would be better proven when she was back in Nyl’theria. Only then could she trust anything Merikh said – if he felt anything warm and tender towards her that wasn’t based purely on getting his dick wet.

Gosh, to think of him like that was tearing her insides apart, but she’d met plenty of men like that. Just because he was a Duskwalker didn’t mean he couldn’t be the same. His humanity came fromhumans,and they were cruel and selfish in their own way.

What if he incidentally shared in those ideals?

She wanted to ask him, but she also wanted to wait and see.

Raewyn flinched when claws scraped over her scalp as he petted her hair.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, his voice husky and groggy. It was so nice, her chest tried to cave in on itself.

“Huh? Nothing. Sorry, did I wake you?”

She tried to settle her heart rate, her breaths, her mind spinning around in her skull.

“Hard not to when your heart is beating so loudly.” He wrapped his arms around her tighter, smooshing her against him. “You also smell mildly of fear. You’re lucky the other scents on you are so distracting.” Then he rubbed the underside of his bony jaw over the top of her head, his maw splitting apart as he yawned. “Don’t worry, my little starshine. I promise I won’t hurt you.”

He softened around her and immediately started snoring again.

Did he think she was scared his wards wouldn’t protect her? Raewyn wished his words didn’t make her want to toss all her apprehension to the side and just let her feelings take control.

She refused to, and for once, she was the one throwing up a wall between them.

Raewyn didn’t know how long they stayed like that. The hours that passed only twisted her stomach further, but not a single part of her wanted to move away from him. If she could have, she would have adored remaining there with him forever. If only the world could fall away and disappear, so she could keep him to herself.

Unfortunately, reality didn’t work like that, and eventually, Merikh stirred. She’d barely slept a wink, too many questions plaguing her.

Raewyn had hurt her own feelings so many times, she could feel it festering inside. It nipped away at her centre, her essence, her verysoulwith venom.

“Good morning,” he grumbled, before his head shifted slightly. “Well, afternoon.”

He started playing with her curls, lifting them up and placing them on his face like he wanted to blanket himself in them.

“So soft.” He placed more on top of his skull. “I don’t think I’ve had such a sweet waking. It makes me not want to get up.”

It was too sweet, too much. She’d always wanted to experience this side of him, but she couldn’t handle it right then.

Raewyn dug her hands into his chest as she placed her forehead against him, her ears drooping. “When are we leaving, Merikh?”

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