Page 185 of A Soul to Guide

I grow tired of fighting. I grow tired of blood, death, and hatred.

The path Jabez was offering was a bloody one, but it was one he’d already been walking. Just a few months ago, he would have leapt at this chance. He’d been pleading for something like this to come along.

Perhaps protecting his siblings and their spawn would have been part of his reasoning for accepting, but he would have done it just to escape. He would have done it for himself.

But now?

He no longer wanted to feel blood cooling in his hands when he could feel warm strands of coily white hair. He no longer wanted to dig his claws in to shred flesh when he’d rather tickle them along the indents of Raewyn’s spine, or thigh, or the nape of her neck. He’d rather his tongue be coated in her, every part of her, rather than the tangy, coopery taste of blood and entrails, or stomach acid.

He hadn’t realised he was giving up on his hatred – until a pretty Elf tried to smother it in her kindness.

I don’t want to disappoint her. I don’t want to... hurt her.

If Jabez wished to destroy her people, that meant her as well – unless he chose to spare her.

Raewyn would never stand for that. She wouldn’t stand idle while those around her were harmed. She would try something, anything, to get the fighting to stop. If he joined Jabez, he would become part of her suffering.

Fuck, why does my chest hurt so much?

He clawed at the pectoral muscle over his heart until he’d drawn purple blood, wishing to rid himself of this pain. It deepened at the picture of her covered in her own blood, with blue lips and a lifeless stare he’d seen far, far too often in his life.

A stare he’d been the reason for.

“I can see you need some time to think about it,” Jabez said quietly, which startled Merikh out of his thoughts. He stood and brushed off his maroon pants before rubbing one of his backward-curling horns. “For now, I’ll call for the Demons to back off. You have a week. If you don’t come to my castle by then, I’ll know you’ve made your decision.”

“My home is the furthest point from your castle,” Merikh snapped with a growl.

Jabez shot him a knowing smile.

“We both know it will take you a little over a day if you run really, really fast. Unless your new gut slows you down, of course.” His chuckle was warm as he began to disappear, teleporting away like he often would. “I know you’ll come, so don’t leave me waiting too long.”

Merikh, unsure if his legs could take the weight of the burden that had just been cast upon him, stayed where he sat.

What the hell do I do?How was he supposed to pick a side?Why can I never just pick my own side?

Why must he be put in the middle of everything? Why must he be the one to know everything, deal with everything, be tormented by everything? Why could he not have just one moment of peace in his life before everything went to shit?

If I choose Jabez, Raewyn will come to harm. I promised to get her home, and I don’t wish to change that simply because of this.But what would be the point in getting her home if he planned to help Jabez destroy it anyway?She’s his sister. Would he let me protect her if I convince her to join us?

He could already see what would happen. Raewyn would hate him if he even tried to bring it up to her. His only option would be to get her home without letting Jabez know of her existence here, and without telling her if he changed sides.

Yet... he wanted to go to her realm with...her.

The life she was offering, even if it meant he could never see her again, was far more pleasant than the blood-filled path Jabez wanted him to walk.

But if I do that, my brothers will continue to be attacked.

He may dislike them, want nothing to do with them, but the last thing he wanted was to be part of their destruction. He, in his own way, wanted to protect them.

What if I convince the Elvish people to let them come?

It would also weaken Weldir, since he needed his ‘servants’ to bring him clean souls. Then again, it may not matter in the end.

If I travel with Raewyn to Jabez’s castle and use his portal, I now have a week to do so safely.He may even be given permission to freely walk inside, and with a good plan, they could shoot for the portal before Jabez even noticed.

Merikh reached up while crossing his arms and grabbed his horns to yank on them. A sharp whine hollowed his chest. The last time he’d been this distressed was when he’d discovered he’d killed his own brother, and that he wasn’t going to return no matter how long he sat by his broken skull.

It was pure and utter agony.

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