Page 175 of A Soul to Guide

However, she didn’t need to wait long for him to rectify upsetting her. He stripped the bed of its blanket, steered her to where he wanted her, and sat back down right near the entrance while facing it. They were a safe distance away from the pooling rain as he drew her back into his lap like before, this time with the blanket covering her.

She didn’t smile, which is what he’d been seeking, but she did look far more comfortable than before. She also didn’t shiver again.

He could have asked her why she didn’t like this weather, but it would just be some kind of drivel complaint. She liked to complain, and it was hard to tell if she was serious or just purposefully and playfully trying to annoy him.

“I like the rain.” Since he had his back resting against the side of the bench, he was able to freely view outside. “Sure, it’s annoying to be wet, especially with my fur, but I find it soothing. It removes the quiet and replaces it with its own music.”

He said this, but it wasn’t the whole truth. Merikh didn’t want to tell her the real reason he liked the rain, why he often threw himself into any storm to greet it.

It’s like being held by the world.It was a cold, wet hug. He turned his sight down to her momentarily.Although this hug is much more favourable.

He held her a little tighter.

In all his life, even with his first memories, he couldn’t remember ever being held or holding another like this. He’d never held anyone soft or warm, nor had he been held in return. He’d never had someone’s lulling breaths puff against his bare chest or had their heartbeat fluttering against him.

He’d never held someone alive without it ending in bloodshed.

This was all new to him, and already, it had become an addiction he knew he wasn’t going to enjoy weaning himself off of. Would he suffer through cold shivers with the loss of her warmth? Would he seek out someone to replace her scent, her body, her kindness, just because he was now enamoured with being touched?

He’d lived his touch-starved life repelling all this – not that it had been difficult, since no one had truly been interested in becoming his companion.

He turned his face back to the rain.

I don’t want to become like Orpheus.

He didn’t want to become obsessed with how lonely he was, only for it to end in failure every time he tried to fix it. Except it apparently didn’t end in failure this time, although Merikh knew that likely wouldn’t be his own future.

Merikh shook his head of his darkening thoughts, wishing his mind didn’t always twist that way.No. I will be fine.

A few pleasant weeks with Raewyn wasn’t going to change the fundamentals of who he was. He’d been fine before her, and he’d be fine without her once she was gone.

He’d been so distracted by his own thoughts that her sniffle echoing in his cave startled him.

She’d been feeling a little off today, but when he looked down to see tears rolling down her cheeks, he had no idea what to do.

Shit, shit, shit. She’s crying.He tilted his head one way and then the other.Did I make her cry?

He didn’t think he’d said anything hurtful towards her. Then again, he wasn’t always aware of how his words could be taken – which was often negatively.

Was I insensitive to how she was feeling?He’d just been trying to make conversation in the hopes of veering towards a more positive one.Should I apologise?He was doing that a lot lately.

Unsure of what else to do, he cupped the side of her face and brushed a flowing tear with the pad of his thumb. “If I upset you...”

“What?” she choked. “N-no. I’m sorry. I’m not crying because of you.” Then, with a false, broken smile, she added, “Weirdly enough.”

That was a lie, considering he didn’t make her cry often. It was why seeing her do so now was puzzling.

She wiped at her face to remove them, but they didn’t cease, no matter how she tried. She even sobbed into the sleeve covering her wrist.

“I just miss home, and I feel like the rain coming now is a bad omen. I’m scared I’m going to mess this spell up like I did before, that I’m going to be stuck in this stupid realm where it’s cold when it rains, even in the summer. I miss how warm it is no matter where I am, and that it’s only winter when I feel a chill in the air. I miss my house, and my friends and family. I miss Cykran’s stupid sarcasm and how he always makes me laugh when I should be concentrating.”

The more she listed off how much she hated this world, which had been his home all his life, the more his chest sunk. She was usually so happy and cheerful that hearing her so unhappy was baffling.

His sight shifted to green when he thought,I don’t like hearing of this Demon, Cykran. He refused to admit it was partly jealousy that she was able to easily get close to others who were so different from her, when Merikh had found it hard to be close with even his own kind.

It may also be because he thought he would have enjoyed taking the Demon’s place. Watching her work was enjoyable, calming even.

“I-I miss my jewellery and what they represented to me and my culture, how each band was given to me for my achievements inside and outside of my work. Not wearing them feels like a piece of me is missing, but I had to sell them so I had money here, since humans don’t support those in need.”

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