Page 39 of Playing with Fire

He moved to lie beside me, pulling me gently against him until my head rested on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around me, warm and secure as his fingers traced lazy patterns on my skin. I could feel his heartbeat, steady and strong beneath my cheek.

"You should get some sleep," he murmured, but made no move to leave, his body curving protectively around mine.

The closeness made words easier somehow, as if the physical connection created a private world where confessions could exist without judgment. I found myself speaking into the comfortable silence between us.

"Growing up, I always knew I was gay," I said. "But knowing and accepting were different things. My family made it pretty clear what they thought about it."

Xavier's fingers continued their steady rhythm in my hair, grounding me as I spoke. The gentle touch was so at odds with the marks he'd left on my body, yet somehow both felt equally like him—the protector and the predator, two sides of the same man.

"I spent so much time praying not to be. To want what I was supposed to want. Even after I left home, I kept all these walls up. Never letting myself fully want anyone."

"And now?" Xavier's voice was carefully neutral.

"Now I'm starting to think maybe there was never anything wrong with me at all." I looked up at him. "Maybe this is exactly what I was meant to be. Exactly who I was meant to be with. Maybe God made me this way just so I could be yours."

His arm tightened around me. "Leo, look at me."

I turned my head enough to meet his eyes.

His fingers traced my cheek, something almost reverent in his touch. "Do you have any idea what it does to me, hearing you say that? I've never been anyone's answered prayer before."

I took his hand in mine. “You are though. You’re everything I needed. I’m so glad you’re in my life, Xavier. And that we have this. Even if we’re still figuring out how to make it work.”

He pulled me closer, chin settling overtop my head. For a long moment, we just breathed together, the weight of what had happened between us settling like a physical presence in the room.

"Let’s take a nap," he murmured, already halfway there himself.

I smiled and closed my eyes, feeling more claimed and safe than any prayer had ever made me feel.

Mom'svoicecarriedthroughthe front door as she and Tatty returned from their shopping trip, the rustle of bags mixing with Tatty's distinctive laugh. I tightened my grip on Leo's hip where he'd fallen asleep against me on the couch, a wave of possessiveness washing through me at the sight of him so vulnerable in my arms. My fingers traced over the faint welts the wax had left behind, carefully avoiding the spots where I'd applied healing salve earlier.

I'd never been one for aftercare with previous partners. It was always just another tactical phase, perfunctory and efficient. But with Leo, cleaning away the wax, soothing his marked skin, watching him melt into my touch... That had been different. Intimate in ways the actual play hadn't been. Maybe even better than the sex itself. There was something oddly satisfying about tending to the marks I'd left on him, about being gentle after being cruel.

His breath was still slightly uneven, small sounds escaping whenever I touched the sensitive places. The memory of him surrendering to my care, eyes half-closed as I'd applied the salve across his reddened skin, burned through me like a shot of whiskey. Two years of keeping him at a calculated distance had shattered in days, and now I couldn't imagine not having him pressed against me. And yet, there was something unsettling about how quickly he'd become essential. How vulnerable it made me feel. How terrified I was of fucking this up before we'd even defined what "this" was.

"Xavier?" Mom called. "Are you home?"

"Living room," I called back, not bothering to move Leo from where he was basically draped over my lap. Let them see. Let everyone see exactly who he belonged to now.

And yet—a small voice at the back of my mind whispered an uncomfortable truth: did I actually deserve this? To have someone like Leo looking at me the way he did? The doubt was unfamiliar, unsettling. I pushed it away, focusing instead on his warm weight against me.

Mom appeared in the doorway, still juggling shopping bags from their afternoon out. Her eyes softened at the sight of us tangled together on the couch. "You two look comfortable."

I shrugged, trying to appear casual despite the fierce protectiveness I felt with Leo curled against me. She knew me well enough to see through it. She always had.

Leo stirred against me, blinking sleepily as he registered Mom's presence. The flush that spread across his cheeks made something in my chest tighten. Even after everything we'd done, there was still something beautifully innocent about him.

"Sorry, Mrs. Laskin," he mumbled, starting to sit up. "I didn't mean to fall asleep down here."

"It's Annie, sweetheart," she corrected gently. "And don't apologize. You clearly needed the rest." Her gaze flicked to me, something knowing in her eyes. "Actually, since you're both here—the family's coming over for dinner tonight."

I tensed, instinctively tightening my grip on Leo. The whole family meant Leo was about to get grilled. Shepherd would tear into Leo's mind with the same clinical precision he used on his patients. Warrick would slice him open figuratively, measuring Leo against whatever precise standard existed in his head. And River... fuck, River hated everyone except Theo. He'd probably just glare from the corner and make those little cutting comments that could flay someone alive.

"Whole family?" Leo's voice was small against my leg.

"Perfect timing," Tatty said, appearing behind Mom. "Everyone should see how happy you two are. How good you are together."

"Don't harass them, Tatty," Mom said, but she was smiling. "Though I have to say, it's nice to see you both looking so..."

---