Page 14 of Playing with Fire

"Fuck," he breathed, pressing his face against my chest. "This is... intense."

"Good intense?" I asked, needing to be sure. This was Leo, after all. Not just another variable to control.

"Really good," he gasped, movements growing more urgent. "So fucking good, Xavier. I've wanted this for so long."

The raw honesty in his voice did something to me. Cracked something open that I'd kept carefully sealed. "Me too," I admitted, the words coming easier than expected. "Didn't understand it. Still don't, not completely. But I've wanted something with you. Something more than what we had."

He made a sound that was half laugh, half moan. "And this is your solution? Letting me hump your leg while you psychoanalyze both of us?"

"Effective, isn't it?" I grinned, enjoying the way his breathing hitched as I adjusted my grip on his hip. "You've stopped panicking. Started being honest about what you want."

"What I want," he gasped, movements growing more erratic, "is more than this. Not... not right now. But eventually. I want... everything with you, X."

Everything. Hearing that word from him in this context filled some empty space I hadn't realized existed. I didn’t know what everything entailed, but I wanted to.

He pressed his face into my chest, his rhythm faltering as he got closer. "I'm gonna... fuck, Xavier, I'm close."

"I know," I murmured, tightening my grip to guide him. "Go on. I’ve got you."

He came with a broken gasp against my chest, and I couldn't look away from his face. The way his eyes squeezed shut, lips parting, every muscle tensing, then releasing. It was fucking beautiful. He was beautiful. My beautiful Leo, falling apart in my arms because I let him, because I helped him, because he trusted me enough to be this vulnerable.

Something shifted in my chest as I held him through the aftershocks. I'd always known he was mine to protect, but this was different. Watching him experience this kind of pleasure, knowing I caused it? That filled some need I hadn't even known I had. I wanted to see this again. Wanted to learn every sound he could make, every way his body could shake apart. Giving him this satisfaction felt like the purest form of connection.

And my body was responding too. I was hard. Actually, painfully hard. Was this what sexual attraction felt like? The sudden awareness made me pause. I'd never responded this way to another person before. Did this mean I wanted to have sex with him? The thought didn't repulse me immediately, which was strange enough by itself.

"Feel better?" I asked once his breathing evened out.

"Jesus," he breathed after a moment. "That was..."

"Messy," I finished for him, reaching for the tissues by my bed. Now that the moment was passing, I noticed the wet spot spreading on his borrowed sweats with growing discomfort. Right. Bodily fluids. The reality of what had just happened crashed back in. Usually, the very thought of cum made my skin crawl, made me want to scrub myself clean. The fact that I'd been so caught up in Leo's pleasure that I'd temporarily forgotten about my aversion was... significant.

"Here." I tried to keep the sudden revulsion from my voice. It wasn't Leo's fault that I found bodily fluids disgusting. "I'll grab you fresh sweats."

"You don't have to..."

"You want to sleep in cum-soaked pants? Because I'm not letting you in my bed if you do."

He took the tissues with a shaky laugh. "Right. Yeah. Okay."

I got up and grabbed him clean sweats from my drawer, tossing them over. As he changed, I found myself thinking about what had just happened. About the boundaries I'd thought were fixed suddenly becoming permeable. About the growing need to define what we were to each other now.

"So," Leo said once we were both cleaned up and back in bed. "What does this make us?" He was curled against my chest again, more hesitant this time, as if afraid I'd changed my mind.

"It makes us us," I said, pulling him closer, letting him settle into his usual spot against my health bar tattoo. "Do we need a more specific label than that?"

"Maybe not," he admitted. "But I need to know where the boundaries are. What's okay and what isn't. What you want from this versus what you're willing to do for my sake."

I considered for a moment, trying to articulate feelings I'd never bothered to examine before. "I want you. I don’t mean that in the way most people do, I think. I don't look at you and think about fucking you. But I think about you being mine. About taking care of you. About being the person you come to for everything. Including this." I paused, fingers threading through his hair. "I like making you feel good. I like being in control of your pleasure."

He was quiet for a moment, processing. "So this doesn't weird you out? My body's reaction to you, I mean."

"The only weird thing is how you keep expecting me to be freaked out by this," I said, tugging him closer. "I know my own boundaries, Leo. If I didn't want this, it wouldn't be happening."

"Okay." He relaxed against me, the tension finally leaving his body. "And what about you? About your... needs?"

The question caught me off guard. No one had ever really asked about my needs before, not in this context. Most people assumed I didn't have any because of how I identified.

"I need control," I said finally. "I need to know you're safe. I need to be the person you rely on." I hesitated, then added, "Beyond that... I'm still figuring it out. Is that enough for now?"

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