Page 25 of Mutual Obsession

Before my thoughts have a chance to spiral, I spot a road sign that gives away our final destination, and I know Indie has seen it too as her face lights up. “You brought me to the zoo?” she asks, her voice full of emotion.

During one of our recent coffee dates, Indie admitted she’s never been to a zoo before. Even though she doesn’t talk about her past much, it’s clear she’s lived a very sheltered life. So when she gave me this little insight into her past, I knew it was something I had to rectify.

I’ve barely put the car in park and she’s bouncing out, excitement making her practically vibrate. She makes it round to my side of the car before I’ve even opened the door. She takeshold of my hand and pulls me out, like I’m not moving quick enough for her.

I can’t keep the grin off my face when she laces our fingers together and starts tugging me towards the zoo entrance. The person behind the admission counter hands Indie a map of the area, while I pay for our tickets. I lead Indie inside, as her head is firmly stuck in the booklet she’s looking at.

Once we’re inside, Indie finally lifts her head up, and the look of wonder on her face, as she takes in everything around us, is a beautiful thing to witness. For a second, I feel a murderous rage towards her family for not giving her this as a child, but since I don’t know who they are, or their story, I push it away—for now.

After about the fifth time of catching her glancing at me out of the corner of her eye, I have to bite my lip to hold in a laugh. I can tell there’s something she wants to either ask me or talk about, but I also know she doesn’t respond well to being pushed, despite that being exactly what I want to do. I need to give her the time to get there on her own.

“Before we explore, shall we get a drink, then we can look at the map and make a plan?” I hope that if we sit and Indie relaxes enough, it’ll loosen her tongue.

Indie agrees, and so we find a table outside of the cafe nearby. Once we both have our drinks, the silence stretches between us for too long, and I can’t stop myself from starting the conversation.

“I can practically hear that beautiful brain of yours ticking over. You can talk to me about whatever it is you’re thinking about.”

Indie shuffles, looking uncomfortable as she takes a sip from her coffee mug. As she places it down, she lets out a sigh, but continues not to look at me. “I was just thinking about what Miles said before you punched him. I was going to ask you about it, but then I figured that if it was something that made youangry enough to punch a friend, you probably wouldn’t want to talk about it with me.”

Even though I knew this conversation was coming, I freeze, panic rushing over me as my heart races. My ears ring as the anxiety sets in, and I want nothing more than to fob her off, to tell her it’s none of her business, but then something stops me.

Indie lays her hand on top of mine, and I pull strength from her comforting touch. I focus on pulling in a breath, allowing the air in my lungs to push away the panic. I keep repeating that until I feel normal again.

I can’t bring myself to look at Indie when I speak, but I take comfort in knowing her hand is still over mine. “Honestly, this isn’t something I’ve spoken about with anyone, except my sobriety counsellors. But if I want you to trust me enough to tell me your secrets, then you deserve the same in return.”

“Jake—” Indie tries to stop me, no doubt telling me I don’t have to tell her anything, but I cut her off before she can finish.

“I want to tell you. The only thing holding me back is that it’s not just my story to tell, but given Miles’ big mouth is what has got us here, he forfeits his rights,” I say with a laugh, anxiety sitting heavy in my whole body.

I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do, but I meant it when I said I trust Indie, and I think this is the way to get her to trust me. She squeezes my hand for moral support, and when I finally meet her gaze, those beautiful emerald eyes and her kind smile are all the encouragement I need.

“You weren’t the first person to break Miles’ heart… I was.”

Indie’s eyes grow wide as her mouth falls open slightly, shock written across her features. She doesn’t say anything, not that I expected her to, so I continue.

“We were friends in school, but only through Marcus. We never saw each other without him being there, until we were in our final year of school, and we were paired together in a classproject. It forced us to spend time together, just the two of us, and we quickly realised that we got on really well. We grew closer as the year went on.

“I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but I started to see Miles in a way I’d only ever seen girls before. It was a little scary at first, as I didn’t really know how to explain it. Then, one night, after both of us had too much to drink, he admitted to liking a guy.

“Before he could say who, the girl I’d been seeing pulled me away. Miles left the club, and I chased after him. He wiped her lipstick off my lips, and I was more turned on by that gesture than I had been when the girl kissed me.

“After that, I was both intrigued by the feelings and scared as hell. Not only because my family are extremely homophobic, but my role as Santoro heir has always been clear—get married and produce an heir of my own. It was a lot of pressure to put on my confused eighteen-year-old shoulders.

“Miles was quite good about everything. Even though he’d never had feelings for another guy either, he dealt with it much better than I did. He kept subtly letting me know how he felt, whilst also giving me the time to deal with my mess of emotions.”

Indie chuckles, her smile widening. “That sounds like Miles.”

I drop my head, staring at my coffee cup, as I can’t face looking at her when the worst is yet to come.

“It all came to a head the night of our leavers prom. I won’t go into too much detail, but we finally acted on our feelings, and afterwards, I freaked out. I said some pretty hurtful things that I didn’t mean, and I ran. I saw Miles’ heart break before my eyes, and it killed me.

“He told me, from that moment forward, our only interaction could be on a professional level. We’d have to get along for Marcus, but we would never be friends.

“I wanted to argue, but there was no point. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t act on how I felt. My family would never have allowed it. So, I buried myself in drink, drugs, and casual sex with women, to help me forget.”

When I raise my gaze to meet hers, I’m surprised to see that she’s not looking at me any differently. Indie gives me a small, sad smile that tells me she understands, but isn’t judging me.

“But now he’s your sober support?” I can hear the question in her tone. She’s wondering how we got from the story I just told her to now, and I’m not really sure my answer will clear things up, as I’m not sure how it happened myself.

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