Page 82 of The Lies Always Told

Hours have passed.Nellie hasn’t answered. Allie and Cara stopped answering a while back after they said they were both safe, and Manny and I are just waiting for whatever will happen next. The local news talked about a firearm at school but no casualties. They said someone was severely injured, and they’re waiting for more information, then someone was in custody, nothing else. Now, we’re just waiting. The hospital will be jam-packed, I’m sure, and the school dismissal seems to be a nightmare too. We just wait.

Allie’s door opens, and both Allie and Cara walk through. It’s almost dark outside, and I don’t even know what time it is. I still haven’t heard from Nellie, but the news said nothing about the middle school. Allie looks like she’s been crying for hours, and Cara like she’s seen a ghost. She walks up toManny and collapses in his arms. Allie walks to me, directly into my arms, and hugs me tight.

“Nick’s hurt,” Allie says between soft sobs while Cara loses it in Manny’s arms. He picks her up and brings her to the couch as Allie and I follow. She sits as I go to the kitchen for two bottles of water.

“What do you mean?” I ask, handing her a water and giving the other one to Manny, who currently has Cara curled up on his lap.

“He got shot, and it’s really bad. He’s in the hospital right now. I don’t know many details, but Jake is with him, and Natalie’s there. Their daughter is with her grandparents, but we don’t know anything else. Jake is clearly distraught, but he couldn’t say much. He said he was okay, that was all.”

“I’m sorry, Allie. Is anyone else hurt? Doesn’t Nellie work at the school?” There, I said it. I asked. Hopefully, it just sounds like genuine concern, not like the truth.

Not like I’m about to lose my goddamn mind if Nellie doesn’t reply soon.

“Nellie’s okay,” Cara answers between sobs. “A student told her something that somehow is related to the situation, so she’s been with the police all afternoon. She’s on the way home now, though. There’s no school tomorrow, so I’m sure she’ll sleep in, but I need to check on her tomorrow. She has been working at school for what seems like the blink of an eye and already has to deal with this. Our education system is so fucked up. This is bullshit.”

I stay silent, listening to her talk and digesting every word. She heard something. Police interrogation. On the way home. Nellie. My Nellie. And now, she’s going home to what—be all alone?

“Do you want me to take you to the hospital?” I ask them, and Allie shakes her head.

“They won’t let anyone through unless they’re a family member, so we can’t. All that is left to do is waitfor Jake to update us. Nick was going into surgery, so hopefully after that, we’ll get more information,” Allie replies.

“I’m staying here until we know more, but you two can go,” Cara says as Manny shakes his head.

“I’m staying, but Gus, you should go,” he adds, opening his eyes wide and mouthing something that looks a lot like “go to her.” Nellie. Nellie’s alone. Nellie had to file a report with the police, and now she’s all alone.

I kiss Allie on the forehead and squeeze Cara’s shoulder as I get up to go. “Let me know the minute you know more,” I say, and when Manny nods, I use it as my cue to leave.

I call Nellie, and it rings. It rings and it rings.Damn it, Nellie. Answer the phone. Nothing. But she’s okay. She’s at her parents’ house. At home. That’s what Cara said, so that’s where I go.

1 Can I give you an advise?

2 Go ahead.

TWENTY-SIX

WASH AWAY THE PAIN

Restless Mind,Sam Barber & Avery Anna;Someone You Loved, Lewis Capaldi.

Nellie

Wash it all away.Wash it all away. That’s all I want. To wash it all away. The day. The questions. The news. All of it. Someone’s hurt, and it’s all my fault. Cody’s brother, Josh, is in custody. Someone is hurt. And what about Cody? Is he at home with his parents? Is he at the hospital? Is he with foster parents? Someone’s hurt. I wish more information was shared with me. I know they have to protect everyone, I get it, but this not knowing, this not being able to control anything, is driving me wild.

The scalding water burns my skin, but at least it’s something. At least I’m feeling something more than numb—numb to today’s events, numb to the police interrogation, numb to the feelings, numb to it all.

My skin is raw from scrubbing, and if I don’t stop soon Iwill hurt myself. It’s taking everything in me to actually stop and get out, but I do. Hurting myself won’t fix anything. It won’t make it go away. Get up. Dry your body, head to toes. Place the towel on the hanger. Put on cotton pajamas. Slide slippers in. All robotic moves I’ve done before, but I still tell myself each step. I don’t need to do a lot, just follow each step. I just need to put one foot forward and take it one step at a time, one action at a time.

I don’t remember walking to my room, but suddenly, I’m here. The door clicks shut behind me, and the silence presses in like the deep pull of the ocean before a tidal wave strikes. My bed is unmade, my blankets twisted from last night’s restless sleep, when I thought my biggest worry was whether I should or shouldn’t give Gus another chance. Now, that might as well be miles away. The soft knock on my door brings me back to reality, and Mom walks in without waiting for me to give the go-ahead. She’s worried, I can see it in her face as she brings me a mug and walks with me to my bed.

“I brought you some tea,” she adds with tears behind her eyes as she sits on the edge and holds my hand.

My hair is wet from the shower, cascading over my shoulders, still dripping tiny droplets everywhere, making my pajamas damp. They look like tears falling on my shirt, but I don’t think I have any more left.Someone’s hurt, and it’s all my fault.I can’t believe I didn’t connect any dots. I can’t believe I didn’t talk to the principal about the conversation we had sooner. Maybe I could’ve prevented it. Maybe nobody would be hurt.

“Nellie?” Mom asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“What? What?”

“I asked if you were okay. As okay as you can be, I guess,” she says again. She’s trying to be strong for me, I can hear it in her voice, but I can also hear the sorrow, the sadness, the worry.

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