Page 75 of The Lies Always Told

“Was this your goal all along? Get me alone so you can use secrets and lies to, what? Try to fuck me again?” Maybe the middle schoolers are getting to me, because what the hell was that? I’m twenty-one years old, damn it, not twelve. How do I go from chill to infuriating with this man?

“No, Nellie. Jesus. Get you alone so I can finally explain things. You don’t have to reply, but you will listen.”

There’s no point in fighting him over this. There’s nowhere for me to go, nothing for me to do other than sit here and listen to whatever bullshit he’s going to tell me. I’m actually a little curious to see what he has to say, since I’ve been avoiding him or snapping at him at every turn. “Fine, go ahead. Explain.”

Part of me expects him to go straight to the girl situation, or at the very least mention it, but the words out of his mouth surprise me more than a lot of things have this year.

“Do you know why I took a step back from my company,even if it meant delegating a bunch of things?” I don’t reply. I don’t think he actually wants me to. I think it’s more of him explaining whatever it is he’s trying to explain.

“Manny and I created this company from the ground up, and it picked up fast, faster than I ever would’ve anticipated. We worked day and night. All the time. We thought, ate, and slept Zabana Enterprises, and it worked in our favor, considering what the company is now. We both had our ulterior motives for making it work, but mine was so I could make my dad proud. Manny was always patient and kind growing up, so our dad always encouraged me to take the lead on things, and that translated to work. Manny worked hard, harder than me even, but I could produce the same output with half the effort some days. It’s not fair, but it’s the way it was. We grew up in an environment where our worth was measured by production, so the more we produced, the better. The company was doing great, but I wasn’t, and I was terrified to tell anyone, so I hid it. Just like I hid how serious my health conditions are from you at first.”

He pulls into my driveway, but instead of driving all the way to the house, he kills the engine and turns off the lights. “I know it sucked that I kept it from you, but Nellie, I don’t think you understand how I grew up. My dad…well, he’s great with my mom, but he saw illness as a weakness. He sees productivity as power and nothing else. If you cry, complain, or show any sort of what he deems a weakness, it’s like you don’t exist. All three of us have the definition of daddy issues in one way or another. That’s why I don’t like being called Augusto—that’s his name. I don’t want to be anything like him. I don’t even realize when I keep things from the people I love. It comes so naturally to me, it’s become my automatic response. Everyone thinks I’m an oversharer because I’m funny or whatever, but in reality, I just mask it all. I’m telling you this because I realized how much I fucked up by keeping not only that, but other shit from you. I know you value honesty, and I wish I could say I’ve been honest with you the entire time, but I haven’t. I haven’t lied, I just haven’t given you everything.”

He saidlove. He said people I love. Do I bring it up? Do I ignore it? Did he mean it? I’d rather not. I will just stay in my lane and pretend that was a Freudian slip.

“Your worth goes beyond the amount of money you make.” Tears threaten to fall at his confession. Why is this sweet and kind man so afraid of sharing hisfaults,even if they’re really not faults at all? It’s not like he wanted to get sick or get his condition or whatever. It’s sad his dad thinks of him this way.

“I know that, which is why when I had my second big flare up, one that sent me to the ER and kept me hospitalized for weeks, I decided I was simply going to stop. My job was killing me, and I wouldn’t rest, so my body made me. My body was talking to me, and it found a way to make me listen. My body made me rest, but it’s still hard for me to show others that side of me…and Nellie, you’re so young.Tooyoung to be dealing with all my medical bullshit.”

“You don’t get to make the decision for me. Itoldyou I wanted to share the load. Itoldyou I could handle it. Ishowedyou how strong I can be, but you kept me in the dark again. It’s not fair that you took the choice away from me. I wanted you. Iwantyou, but you took the choice away from me again. You left me in the dark,again. I care about you not despite your health issues, but because of everything you are. Everything that makes you, you. Health concerns included. You showed me pieces of you, but only enough to, what? Make me feel like it wasn’t all one-sided when, in reality, it has been, right?”

He stays quiet, just looking at me and blinking slowly, his gorgeous long eyelashes framing his dark as night eyes.

“Was it?” I ask. Time passes both too quickly and too slowly, but eventually, he shakes his head.

“No, Nellie. It’s not one-sided.” His hand comes up to caress my cheek, but I pull back involuntarily.

“What about the blonde? Was that all the truth?” I ask, taking advantage of this moment and how he’s opening up to me.

“I told you the truth about Blair. We’re just friends. Colleagues, if you will. She’s flirty, though, so it makes it look like what it’s not.”

“Okay,” I whisper. Maybe whatever he’s keeping from me is something serious, and he just needs time. But why won’t he tell me? Why won’t he trust me?

“Okay, what? Are you giving me another chance?”

“No, I think we just need to stop. This, whatever this is, is toxic and unhealthy, and I can’t.” I can’t take this again. I can’t take the up and down and back and forth, all pushing with a little pulling. I just can’t

“Toxic? The way I can’t think about anyone else but you? No. Unhealthy? My obsession with you, yes.”

“You can’t say things like this.” I get out of the car, putting physical space between us, since all my body wants to do is melt into his.

“You want me to be honest? This is honesty.” He follows me with the car, shouting, “What do you want me to do? How can I show you I know I fucked up? How can I show you I’m ready for more?”

“You’re going to wake my parents up,” I snap at him, turning around and seeing his grin. Stupid, handsome jerk.

“Good. Then I can tell them how gone I am for their girl.”

“No, you don’t get to say that either.” It’s so damn unfair. It’s not fair when he’s saying all the right things and looks like that.

“You asked me to make up my mind, Nellie, and I did. I don’t want a life without you. I don’t. I want you. We are end game, and even if it takes me showing you every day for a month, a year, a decade, I will. I don’t care. I will show you,one gesture at a time. Life is full of little moments; that’s what you said, right? I want to give you a million little more, even if they’re all accompanied by coffee dropped at your front office. Please, just talk to me.”

“Fine! Talk.”

“Not like this. Let’s meet tomorrow after school, please. I can even pick you up.”

I stand in front of his flashy nice car and look around, as if I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Fine. Tomorrow.”

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