Page 73 of The Lies Always Told

Who will believe me if I tell?

If there’s a heaven, who even goes there?

Those were the cards dealt without any luck or grace.

Who will be left to tell?

Stuck in this hole where nothing feels swell.

Stuck in this mess, lost in this space.

Clearly, whoever is writing these feels lost, but is there areason for these? Do they seem odd? Sad for sure, but all middle schoolers are sad in one way or another. I leave all the notes on my desk and write myself a sticky note to make a list of my repeat students, the ones that linger and stay here for longer. Maybe one of them is writing these.

I make a mental note about it as I walk through the hallways, trying to get out of this place. Ben is walking ahead of me, but he catches a glimpse that I’m behind him and smiles at me.

“Any plans today?” Ben asks, pushing the double doors open for me and letting me walk in front of him.

“Actually, yes. I usually just swim after school, but today, I have book club.”

“Well, I was wondering if maybe I could take you out for dinner once. It doesn’t have to be anything super formal, or even tonight, but wanted to throw it out there. Just two people getting to know each other better over food.”

I fidget with the ring on my thumb as I look down at his feet. Did I misread this situation? Did I somehow miss that he’s trying to ask me out?

“Oh.” I wish I could say yes to this sweet man. He seems like the type who would communicate and not keep shit from me, unlike Gus. Unfortunately, I don’t want this guy. I want Gus, and it wouldn’t be fair to Ben.

“I’m sorry, I…” I, what? I have a boyfriend? That’s not true. I have a complicated relationship. Also no. I’m in love with someone else? That’s the one, but how am I ever going to get over him if I don’t try? I can’t, though, for Ben’s sake. I can’t.

“I can’t, Ben. It’s sweet of you to ask, though. It’s not you?—”

“It’syou, right? I’ve heard it before.”

“Actually, it’s not me either. It’s my heart that’s unavailable. I’m sorry.”

“Oh? Oh! I understand. The heart wants what the heart wants. See you around, Ms. Thompson.”

“If you didn’t cry,you’re dead inside,” I tell Roe, who keeps shaking her head no when everyone else is talking about how much this book affected them.

“I am dead inside, actually. I loved the book, don’t get me wrong. It was sad too, but like…I still didn’t cry,” she replies, shrugging her shoulders.

“Well, I couldn’t stop crying. Jake thought something had happened. This might be my new favorite book of all time,” Allie says, and everyone else nods.

“I’m so glad you all loved it,” Natalie states, hugging her arms around her chest and smiling fondly at all of us. “Nellie, since you’re new to us, you get to pick the next book.”

No pressure. No pressure at all. I just joined this book club for this month’s discussion, so I’m not sure what all they’ve read. I know they prefer romance, but would they read anything else? I love romance, but if they’re all avid and ferocious romance readers like both Allie and Cara, the chances they’ve already read something I suggest are high.

“Has anyone readSeven Days in Juneby Tia Williams orHeathen and Honeysuckleby Sarah A. Bailey?” I ask, and everyone shakes their head except for Allie.

“What? I love second-chance romance, so I will always try to hunt those down. Give me an emotional second chance with a dual timeline, and I want them all. I’m happy to talk about it, though. It doesn’t have to be an issue just because I read it,” Allie says.

“Maybe we can doSeven Days in Junefirst and thenHeathen and Honeysuckle?

“If anyone has an issue with that, raise your hand,” Carasays, and when nobody does, she declares, “Alright,Seven Days in Juneit is.”

I smile fondly—maybe because of the friendship I see forming here already, or maybe because of the four glasses of wine I’ve had tonight.

“Are you and Manny moving in together?” Livie, another one of Cara’s friends, asks her, and when my sister’s eyes open wide, I giggle.

“What makes you say that?” Cara asks. We all laugh. Cara is the only person who still thinks we don’t know how down bad Manny is for her and how muchsheloves him too.

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