Page 48 of The Lies Always Told

Yes, but I don’t tell him. My jaw flexes. “Drop it, man.”

A slow grin spreads across his face. “That bad, huh?” He picks up the ball and tosses it back to me, something we always did growing up. Our parents thought we would be good at tennis or ping pong because of it, but really, we just liked whatever would keep our hands busy and us talking.

I fire the ball at him. He barely dodges it, instead catching it. “That good,” I correct.

His laughter echoes in the office. “Oh, now Ireallyneed details.”

I rub my temple, trying to push away the lingering dizziness. “Not happening.”

“You must care about her a lot if you’ve seen her more than twice and won’t share any details.”I’m falling in love with her.She brings me to life.She’s giving me hope that I can share everything with her.

“Would you share any details about Cara with me?” I fire back.

“Do not compare whatever you have going on to my relationship with Cara.”

“Or your lack of one.”

He stops tossing the ball and proceeds to slam it on top of the desk. “Mi decisión de decirle a Cara que la amo y ver lo que pasa no tiene nada que ver contigo. Es entre ella y yo. Si no me quieres decir que está pasando con la chica misteriosa, no pasa nada pero no me compares al amor de mi vida con tu chapeadora del mes?1.”

I bring my hands up in surrender. “Let’s just drop it, okay? I’m gonna head home. I’m dizzy and tired.”

He shakes his head and pinches his nose. “Sorry. Just…don’t. Let me handle Cara.”

“Let me handle my shit too. Hablamos luego?2, okay?”

“Okay, take care. If the dizziness continues,call the doctor.”

“Si, mamaguevo. Adios.?3”

That was notwhat I wanted to hear, not what anybody would want to hear. Not at eighteen. Not at twenty six.

“There’s something going on with your heart,” Dr. Diaz said casually. There’s always something going on with my heart. I adore Dr. Diaz, and her practice is good. I feel like her staff listen, and I feel taken cared of there, but damn it, just once, I would like to go see her and leave feeling elevated, like I was finally able to catch a break. But no, my body has to throw another curve ball every time.

Irregular heart rhythms.

Symptomatic.

Ventricular depolarization.

Maybe genetic?

Why didn’t it come out before?

We need to run more tests.

Can you come back tomorrow?

Stay away from strenuous activities.

Take it easy.

We need to run more tests.

All words tossed around like I wasn’t in the room. Like I wasn’t sitting right there, with cables hooked to every part of me. Like I wasn’t a human with feelings sitting beside them on a familiar table.

Dr. Diaz is great, but sometimes, it feels as if she can only show her humanity once she has all the answers. Before then, I’m just another case she needs to crack. Still, it beats the countless other doctors who brushed my issues off. It beats thecountless other medical professionals who told me to just take an antihistamine or to watch what I was eating. She and her team are solution-oriented, but until they find it, I don’t exist as Augusto Zabana. I only exist as case whatever number and symptoms sit in my file.

“Where to?” Martin asks from the driver’s side. I can’t drive either, or I shouldn’t. I told Nellie we should spend some time together, so that’s where we need to go.

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