Page 47 of The Lies Always Told

“Nothing much. I got the job, though.” She hugs me tighter before lying back down.

“I’m so proud of you. Those kids are so lucky to have you. I can’t wait to see you shine as a counselor.”

“Thank you! I’m excited.”

“Me too. Just remember to take care of yourself. The first school year is the roughest.”

“I promise,” I say, smiling at her but thinking about how many promises I’ve made lately, not sure I can keep them all.

We talk for longer and catch up on everything—everything except the man setting my soul on fire. Everything but my feelings for him. Everything but what I really wanted to tell her. There will be a time, I know it. I’m not going anywhere, and I hope Gus isn’t either. We have time.

FIFTEEN

TELL ME ABOUT HER

JULY

July by Noah Cyrusand Leon Bridges

Gus

“So letme get this straight. You went on this trip. You found yourself again. You told Cara how you felt after showing her how she deserves to be treated but now you won’t fight for her?” I ask my stupid brother, because apparently, someone has to bring him to his senses. He’s sitting in his office chair, his foot over his lap, bouncing a stress ball from the desk to his hand without a care in the world.

“I would fight for her. Hell, I would give her the world if I could, but she just spent three weeks telling me how little her ex listened to her, and I don’t want to be that same person for her,” Manny answers, throwing the stress ball up and down in his hand and looking out at the river through his office window.

“So you’re willing to lose her?”

“If you love something, set it free, right?”he asks, and it makes me wonder if I would do the same. Not that I love Nellie, but if I did, would I be willing to let her go if it’s what’s best for her? I don’t think I would. I’m a selfish motherfucker who goes after what I want.

“Enough about me. What’s going on with you? I feel like we haven’t talked in weeks.” Well, I was coming here to tell him I’m falling in love with the love of his life’s little sister, but now what am I supposed to do? Sorry you’re hurting, but I’m happy with Nellie? Sorry you and Cara didn’t work out, but I’m sort of dating her sister, and I want to scream it to the world?

“Not true,” I say. Manny hates lies. He and Nellie have that in common. He says our dad lied so much, he learned to abhor it. On the other hand, I spent years covering up the truth about my health to protect him, and it drove a wedge between us. Now, I try not to keep him in the dark, which is why I have to tell him about what’s been going with me. The dizziness and weakness is not normal. I fainted yesterday too, and Martin found me after I didn’t answer the phone. I need to have someone in the know, at least until I gather more information and figure out if this is something to be concerned about. Manny can help, I know it.

Nellie, though? I have to keep her in the dark for longer. It has to stay like that. It’s what’s best for everyone, for Manny and Cara and the two of us, especially if we’re trying to make this work. I hate that I have to keep this from Nellie, but she needs control, and I can’t control anything right now. Calling Dr. Diaz will be step one, but she will want to run tests, and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the poking, the probing, the medicine changes. I’m grateful for medical advances and the opportunity to give my heart and my body what I need to survive, but sometimes, I just wish I was normal. I just wish I could live my life without having to worry so much about what even too much salt would do to my heart.

“Speaking about weeks ago: what was going on with thatgirl at your house?” he asks. I thought I dodged the bullet, but I guess not.

“I thought you would let this one go,” I mention, catching the ball he bounces to me. “You didn’t ask at the vineyard, so I thought you forgot.”

“Nah, no way. You had a girl in your bed in the morning. That’s newsworthy, even a month later. Tell me about her.”

“You’re gossiping like we’re in middle school now.”

“I’m interested. It’s different. Actually, I’m invested. Tell me more.” He wiggles his eyebrows before ducking to avoid the ball I throw at his head.

“I may have to keep this one to myself for a while…but I’m seeing someone.” Just the thought of saying it was someone else repulses me. The thought of saying it was something casual does too. Ugh, my head. Small dots dance in my vision, and I close my eyes tight. Another dizzy spell.

“What was that?” Manny asks, and I open my eyes to find him looking at me, concerned.

“Are you getting sick or something?

I take a slow breath, but it doesn’t help. The dizziness swells, pressing in heavier, making the lights too damn bright. “No, I’m not. Just dizzy.”

“Call the doctor.” This is why I don’t tell him shit unless I have all the answers. He turns into Manny “the fixer” immediately, and sometimes, I just need Manny my brother.

“I’m good. It’s just today. I’ll have some electrolytes and be fine. I didn’t sleep well.”

“Long night with her?”

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