Page 34 of The Lies Always Told

“FUCK YES!” Bee shouts.

“Congratulations, Nells! You deserve it,” Victoria adds.

“Thank you! What about you two? What’s new?” Bee moved back home to Magnolia Springs about an hour from here, but Victoria is staying in college to finish another yearand hopefully graduate with another degree. She’s only a few classes away from finishing another bachelor’s, so she took advantage of the opportunity.

“The campus is so empty. Even for a summer semester, it feels eerily quiet.” Victoria brings her hair up in a ponytail.

“How are you, Vic? How are the flares?”

“They’ve been under control since I’ve been on the autoimmune protocol,” Victoria says. Victoria got diagnosed with an autoimmune condition. Her doctor put her on an autoimmune protocol to minimize symptoms, and it seems to be working.

“How are you dealing with all of that?” I ask.

“It’s been an adjustment, but it could be worse, you know?” She cocks her head to the side and looks at the camera, saying, “Bee, go right side up, for the love of books. You’re losing color.”

“Alright, Mom!” Bee shouts back.

“Damn, I miss you two.” We were inseparable for the past three years. Not having many friends growing up was hard, but I never knew what I was missing. I never knew what friendship really meant. I thought friends were people you gossip with and needed to find things in common to have a good time. Maybe you cry together over boys and definitely drink together over them too. But what I learned with Bee and Victoria is that friends can become family. Friends are the family you choose, and they choose to love you back. Real friendships are some of the best relationships you will ever have in your life. They’re your confidants, your voices of reason, your shoulders to cry on, your lifelines. They can be your future maids of honor and your unborn children’s aunties. They help you carry your load, and they love you despite all the things you hate about yourself. These girls have shown me how I, or anyone for that matter, deserve to be loved, and I will never settle for less because of them.

“We talk every day, and we’ll see each other soon. We promise.”

The two of them start asking each other questions as I get lost in my thoughts about the job, the kids, the rest of the summer, and damn it, Gus Zabana too. I don’t want to keep thinking about him, and even trying to go out with someone else failed to do what I wanted, what I needed.

“Did you text him?” Victoria asks while I’m lost in my thoughts. Bee doesn’t respond, so I assume they’re asking me. I look at them through the video chat and see them both waiting. Yup, that was for me.

“Yes.”

“Aaaaaand?” Bee asks in a flirty tone.

“I told him we couldn’t see each other. To be honest, I was an actual bitch to him. I flinched at the last text I sent him.” I lay on the bed and put a pillow over my face. I’m such an idiot. All my confidence went out the window the minute that text came through.

“Why are you fighting yourself so hard not to see him again? You know you want to, so why not? Don’t give me bullshit about age. He’s five years older than you, not twenty,” Bee adds, sitting up straight, all her focus on me.

I don’t answer; I just ponder the question. I take pride in being honest and upfront with my friends and people I care about. Even more with strangers, but somehow, I’ve gone back to my thirteen-year-old self, the scared, self-harm inflicting shell of a human I was then, who needed validation and help. It’s been years since I was there, and I’m crawling myself out of that hole I almost put myself in. I don’t want to risk it.

“You’re scared, aren’t you?” Victoria asks, smiling softly at me. Her gentle smile, I’ve come to love, because I can feel it as if it was a hug.

“I am.” There’s no point in lying, at least not to them. I may be able to ignore all of Cara’s calls and keep Gus at arm’s length, but with them, I can be myself.

“Of what?” Bee asks. I never told them what happened, and I don’t know if Abraham told Bee. All I know is that Gus’ health issues are not mine to share, so I didn’t. I can tell them a partial truth, though. A selective truth. I can pick apart everything scaring me and just tell them that. It should be enough.

“I’m not in a great place mentally. There’s so much with the new job and everything else, and I don’t think adding the pressure of a relationship is a good idea. He owns an empire, and I’m just figuring my shit out.” I take a deep breath before continuing, “My sister is moving back home too. I need to try to make friends here. I have to help with the diner. It’s too much, and I like him too much to just fuck him every now and then.”

“Have you ever stopped to wonder that maybe, he can be one steady thing during this time? You don’t haveuswith you. But I mean, you do what’s best for you. Just try to find something to make you happy, because you’ve been sulking for weeks now, and I just want to shake you,” Bee says while Victoria nods.

“It’s okay. I need to occupy myself and get out of this house.” I turn my body sideways, tucking my hands under my head as I contemplate what I just said. I don’t even know what I want anymore. How am I supposed to figure it out? I want him, but I’m also so scared that he will have another episode, and I’m supposed to, what? Even if I get trained on his condition and know all the procedures, it’s too much. I’m too volatile for his health. He needs stability, and I’m all over the damn place. How am I supposed to be his stillness when I don’t know how to stand still?

“Ah!” Bee gasps, snapping me out of it.

“What?”

“Get your phone. I sent you a link.”

I follow her directions and click on the link waiting for mein our Burn Book group chat. It’s taking me to the American Heart Association’s Instagram, where I see they’re hosting a gala here in Jacksonville. This must be the gala Gus was talking about, so I click the live to see what’s up. The minute it shows me the feed, my heart stops.

They’re covering the red carpet for this event, and right smack in the middle of it stands Augusto Zabana in a pristine black tuxedo, flashing his megawatt smile at the camera, a blonde draped over his arm.

I can’t tear my eyes away from them. They look good together. Her blue eyes and blonde hair contrast with his black hair and his dark skin. He’s so tall and strong. She’s slim and tall too, all legs and arms. She’s wearing a fitted dress, so I can see her full figure, and suddenly, I’ve never wanted to be someone else more than now.

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