Page 33 of The Lies Always Told

Nellie: I’m not using your money.

Me: Someone has to.

Nellie: Gus…

Me: Say yes.

Nellie: No, I’m sorry. A public event on top of that? I’m good, really. Just forget it happened.

I can’t. I wish I could. It would make it so much easier for everyone if I could, but I can’t. She wants to just ignore it all and act like nothing happened. The worst part is,thisNellie, the Nellie who replied just now, is not the Nellie I know. This is the guarded Nellie who told me she wanted to go home and not give us a try even after telling me she could see herself with me. She went from scorching hot to icy cold in no time, and she seems to have stayed there. Fine. Maybe she needs to see it the same way I did. I’ll give her some temptation and see if she’ll bite.

I grab my phone and text Manny to give him an update and yell at him for trying to work on the trip. Then, I text Blair to ask her to go with me to the gala tomorrow. Blair is the daughter of Coop’s CEO, another local finance company. She’s continuing her daddy’s legacy while trying to gain status as America’s sweetheart. She’s good company and who I usually bring to events. We have never slept together, and for the most part, we have a professional relationship. I would callher a friend, but she says she doesn’t do friendships, just business transactions. We look like a powerhouse couple, and we both take advantage of it, so we let the rumors talk.

“Lucia!” I shout, propping my feet on top of the desk as Manny’s personal assistant shows up.

“Yes, sir?”

“Confirm my attendance at the gala tomorrow with a plus one, and stop giving information to my brother about work. Let me handle it.”

“But sir, he specifically said he didn’t want me to leave him out of it,” she says with a pen to her mouth, her eyes wide.

“I understand, but I’m telling you he needs the break, so please, just let me know. I’ll handle it.”

“Yes, sir. Anything else?”

“No, you’re good to go.” She walks back to her desk, leaving the office empty, just me and my thoughts. I hope I know what I’m doing.

1 shiiiit

2 Shut up, Augusto. How do you not know who I’m talking about?

3 Hi, I’m Nellie, and I have Augusto Zabana in love with me (this is a very Dominican way of saying this sentence).

ELEVEN

THE AUCTION

Gravity by Matt Hansen&Dirty Little Secret by The All-American Rejects

Nellie

Restless.Agitated. Apprehensive. Going out of my mind? None of those words work to describe this feeling, like everything is falling into place just like I wanted, but something is looming over me, making me question if I’m missing something. Someone.

I can’t imagine the whiplash he must have felt after I told him I wanted to see what could happen between us and then two days later told him I wanted to go home. How hypocritical of me to demand the truth from him, to demand answers and facts when I lied to him about what I wanted the next day. I dug myself so deep into research and despair, I filled my head with worse-case scenarios, and the only way I could make it stop was by running away. Too much informationabout what could go wrong, and I couldn’t handle it. So, going back home to lock myself in the room for days and cry seemed like the best idea.

Eventually, I called my therapist, because I felt like I was moments away from crawling back into a dark place, where the only way out will scar me again. It was easy for us to figure out the trigger—fear. Fear of the unknown. Too many things out of my control. Fear of that whole situation and the hopelessness I felt sending my mind to overdrive and freak me the fuck out.

Irrational. Baseless. Illogical. Absurd. All the words that fill my mind when Gus’ name pops into my head and how much I hate that I like him so much. Protecting my peace has come to be harder than anticipated. I’m telling him with my words to stay away, but my soul wants him. My heart wants to get to know him better. And my body…well, my body wants him constantly.

“Hi!” I smile as Bee and Victoria join the video call. We promised ourselves we would video chat every week. We text all the time, but it’s important to me to see their faces, and they love me enough to make it work.

“Did you get the job?” Bee shouts from her bed while looking at the camera upside down.

“Hello to you too, Bee. Why are you upside down?”

“It helps with focus. Don’t change the topic. Did you get the job?” she asks again.

“You’re looking at the newest Baker Oaks Middle School Counselor!” I add as I sit up straighter, bringing my hands under my chin.

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